It's A Monday

I might be kind of grouchy this morning...

It's been one of those days...

And if I were a kid I might make this face at a few people:

Too bad I'm not a kid!

A Few Things I Know

1. Cherry slushies from Sonic give me a massive brain freeze!

2. New Moon will still be in the theatres a few weeks from now, when the crowds die down.

3. When the people building your house say it will be done by a certain date, they really mean it will be done two weeks later.

4. Mr. Woolley is a little bit crazy. (Did you see how many comments he left on the last post? It's not going to happen Dave.)

5. I have the CUTEST new nephew EVER...who may or may not be named Tanner.

Welcome To The Family

This little guy is getting a new brother today.

I am just patiently waiting for the phone call from Ben to tell me all is well.

* * * * *

I wrote that last sentence an hour ago.

Ben called.

Not to tell me they had a baby but to tell me he's bored.

Dear Brother, I'll be right there with a book.

And because I have nothing else to say I give you the latest and greatest from the source of my entertainment: my inbox.

"Hi ,My name is James I am new to this online stuff, This is kind of new and exciting to me!!! I don't normally do this, BUT huh. !!! You stood out above the rest, Not really in term of profiles words or the look, but what i mean is that from all the pages i have been opening on this dating scene, i feel so strong for you and i know that getting to know you will make more sense, i check on your profile and it speaks good of you though, it might not tell it all but i think getting to know you will be better and i will know more as time goes on, i guess if we have the chance to know each other........ So i want you to please bear with me because i haven't tried online dating before, i just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am interested in getting to know more about you. I guarantee that I am a nice man and knows how to treat a WOMAN in a way he feels like a Queen. I have a degree in Accounting and minnor in Art. You seems to be a very down to earth woman and I really admire that! I guess I will leave you with this for now. I hope your day went well and I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks for reading this! I practically wrote you a book! He he!"

Divorce

I have some sad news.

Maybe you should sit down to read it.

I'm serious, sit down.

(Wait...you probably are sitting down...that's what you do when you read something on the computer.)

Becca and I are getting divorced.

Isn't it horrible?

I thought things were fine between us.

I didn't even suspect she had any complaints.

Apparently I was wrong.

So wrong.

When I told her I was thinking about buying a house she told me I should do it.

She supported me.

She cheered me on.

She said that she was excited to move with me.

I guess all of it was a lie.

Because when it comes right down to it she doesn't want to move with me.

She is going to stay in her own home...with her own furniture.

And I will be moving into my new house...with just my lamps to keep me company.

With the exception of 18 months when I lived in NYC and she lived in Ohio, we've never really been apart.

Oh...there was that time I went away to college, but I came home on the weekends to visit her.

I just don't know what I'm going to do.

Now we'll be living an entire 2 BLOCKS from each other!

And to make matters worse, 95% of everything we have is really hers.

No divorce judge anywhere would agree to us splitting the assets 50/50.

She did go through the spice cupboard last night and take out what we have two of.

I guess that's something.

Oh...and she did say I could take the entertainment center.

I guess that's something too.

I've always thought a twin sister is supposed to stick with you...until marriage.

I've learned my lesson.

Don't worry, I'll be fine.

I'll steal some cookie sheets and bread pans...that will make me feel better.

"Hellllllooooo Baaa aaaaaaa aaaaby!" ...

Don't you wish that was the message you got in your inbox?

My brother Ben wants me to tell you something...he's wanted me to tell you this something for a long time. I've hesitated ... you'll know why once I tell you. Ben is pretty persistent and so I've decided to give in to him.

I asked him if he just wanted to write this post but he declined.

Once when I went to Fountain Green to visit Lucy (my grandma), she gave me some words of wisdom. Wisdom that she promised would change my life. Wisdom that she was COMPLETELY serious about.

"Noelle, if you want to get married you need to become more righteously seductive."

And there it was...the key...the answer to my problems.

She was willing to give pointers if I needed them.

I told her I'd let her know.

Texting 101

I pretended to be a high school teacher this morning...2 classes worth of pretending.

My friend teaches a floral design class and asked me to come in and talk about having a career in horticulture.

I wouldn't make a good real-life high school teacher because I would just laugh at the students...all day long.

We talked about trees and flowers and freezing temperatures...and stuff.

What we should have talked about is texting.

Apparently I don't get texting etiquette. (But really, if the word texting isn't even in Blogger's spell check dictionary, should I be held responsible for proper etiquette? I think not.)

Remember I had a lunch date with Michael on Saturday? After he gave me a bear hug upon the initial greeting, we sat down to a lunch of soup, salads, and chocolate covered strawberries. Michael told me stories of all of his failed attempts at on-line dating. He told me how many women had blocked him from seeing their profile (in theory you can't tell when someone has blocked you but Michael has been on-line for so long he says he knows the system). When I asked why they would block him he said, "I have an aggressive dating style." Duly noted.

He told me about the girl he flew to Texas to meet...a girl who didn't look anything like her picture...a girl who wore a wig the entire time he was there, trying to convince Michael she was a blond.

He told me about how he has no sense of smell...and so when there is a call for someone to fix the plumbing/sewer problems at some apartments he maintains, he takes the job.

He also wanted to know if I thought he smelled good...you know, not being able to smell, he wanted to know if he had picked a good cologne.

He told me a lot of stuff and then all of a sudden said, "What time is it? I have to go." He walked me to my car and I thanked him for lunch. He said something else and then I thanked him again and said "It was nice getting to know you." He said, "So...have I done anything that would prevent me from getting a second date?" And I said, "You can call." (He can play the game. He had just finished telling me how frustrating it is not to get at least a second date with someone.)

He gave me another bear hug and I got in my car. 15 minutes later I got a text that said "Just wanted to say again that I had a good time. Have a good weekend."

I didn't respond to the text. And according to my cousin I broke ALL the rules. "You've assured that he won't call again by not responding to the text." Honestly, I don't care either way...if he calls, fine...if he doesn't, fine.

But seriously? I broke the rules? I had already thanked him twice...and now I needed to do it again, in a text, 15 minutes later?

It's like sending a thank you card for a thank you card...isn't it?

Is there a Texting 101 somewhere? ...clearly I need help.

The Story Behind The Picture...for Jaime

La Malinche is an extinct volcano located near the city of Puebla, in Mexico.

The Tlaxcalan Indians make the side of this volcano their home, in a village they call Tlalcosteptl.

From the top of the volcano you can look down into the heart of Puebla, a city with over 5 million people.

The people of Tlalcosteptl have no electricity or running water.

The majority of their homes are made from dried corn stalks.

I visited this village for the first time nearly 20 years ago.

My life was changed forever.

Jamie asked the following questions about the picture:

"Are they married?"

Yes, they are married.

"Is the lamb a pet?"

Only until it is old enough to provide meat for the family.

"Is this the only room they have?"

It's all the living space they have, yes.

They do have another place where they do their cooking.

"Did they have dinner?"

Probably not.

Their diet consists of beans and tortillas, and even that is rationed.

Meat is used only for special occasions.

We built some experimental greenhouses and planted a crop of potatoes in hopes of improving their diet.

"Do they sleep?"

They go to bed when the sun sets and wake up when the sun rises.

I imagine they sleep soundly, as their entire day is filled with hard work, just trying to survive.

"Do they know about God and Jesus and the Bible?"

They believe in God. They have no church in which to worship God.

The majority of the people don't read; if they had a Bible it would be of no use to them.

I believe in my heart that God must have an extra measure of love for these people.

How could He not?