Friday, February 27, 2009

A Love Note to my Brother's Dog

Dear Preto,

I'd like to thank you for taking me for a walk last night. (I'm not one of those humans who thinks it's me taking you for a walk.) It was clearly evident who was leading who...what with you 5 feet ahead of me, straining against the leash for all you were worth. Anyone who is anyone would agree that you were the one in charge.

I would like to thank you for the workout you gave me. Even though I go to the gym at least 4 days a week, I'm more sore today than I've been in about 6 months. I'm not sure what you did differently but if you figure it out, you could market it and make big bucks! (No Preto, I'm not talking about the deer you like to bark at, I'm talking about money...the stuff that buys you that delicious food you eat.)

There's something I don't understand though. Well...a few things actually. Why didn't you stop when I was whining to you about my shin splints? I thought you would take pity on me when we were going up that super steep hill, but you kept at the insane pace you set and it seemed you didn't give me a second thought.

Maybe next time you take me for a walk, if I'm lucky enough for that, you'll remember that it was me who fed you and gave you water that wasn't frozen when my brother was out of town. Maybe you will remember that it was me who got dog poop ALL OVER my shoes when I was trying to clean out your pen. And maybe you will remember that it was me who threatened to turn my brother in for animal cruelty if he didn't clean your pen more often.

Here's another thing I don't understand: What is it about fire hydrants?

And another thing: Do you really have to mark your territory every 3 feet? Really? Is there no shame?

And another thing again: I don't think that nice lady who has the really cute front yard is going to appreciate that gift you left right by her sidewalk.

But Preto, there is one thing I'm really grateful for...maybe two. I'm grateful that even though you walk a lot faster than I do, YOU have more gray hair than I do...ha! And the second thing I'm grateful for is that you don't bark at the other dogs we pass. That obedience school must have been good for something after all.'s one more thing I'm grateful for: Thanks for keeping all the big, bad, scary men away from me after it gets dark...because who wants to carry their gun while they're out walking? Well...except for the dentist.

I hope we can walk again soon.

Love your friend Noelle


Karen said...

Funny, funny. What a descriptive letter!

David G. Woolley said...

Your dog has a gun?

Manda said...

Lol. You make me laugh.