Thursday, February 26, 2009

Target Practice 101

Things I Learned About Shooting My Gun:

1. Shooting guns is mostly a man's sport. In the sea of men at the shooting range I saw one other woman. Of course she became my immediate hero. She shot that gun as if she were Annie Oakley.

2. NEVER NEVER NEVER place your gun on concrete! That's why the wood slab is there.

3. When someone else wants to walk on to the shooting range to hang their target you have to empty the bullets from your gun, leave it open, and say "clear".

4. Don't shoot too high.

5. Really, aim lower.

6. Hold your arms lower and that will help you aim lower.

7. Just shoot at the target over and over and over.

8. When you finally do hit the target, make sure the dentist is actually watching. Unless of course your dentist isn't the one teaching you how to shoot the that case, just make sure the teacher is watching. Because if he's not (or she, I don't want to discriminate), the fact that you blew the target clear across the shooting range just isn't quite as exciting.

9. Save your spent bullets. Because any REAL gunman - or woman - knows that reloading bullets is the way of the future. In fact, "if Obama has his say we will no longer be able to buy ammunition and reloading is the only way we'll be able to get ammunition." (The dentist is dedicating an entire room in his house to this reloading process.)

10. And finally, the most important lesson of all: WEAR BIG FAT EAR PLUGS! I didn't. Everyone else did, but I only had the normal 'help you sleep on an airplane' kind of earplugs. This might not be an issue for someone who DOESN'T suffer from vertigo. But I'm not that someone.

I guess the sound, combined with the sound, added to the other sounds, kicked my vertigo right into high gear and so for the last four days the world has been spinning...really. This morning I went to pass a truck. (Forget the fact that what I was doing was illegal, that's not part of the story.) I gunned it, because I have a really cool car that I can gun, (pun not intended) and the motion of my car all of a sudden going faster reminded me "hello, vertigo..."

Don't worry, I have medicine. And I take it. And I have hope that it's helping me.

Overall I would say I got a B+ in Target Practice 101. The dentist said, "You were doing great by the time we finished." I'll keep working on it, and maybe when I'm bored I'll go back up and collect more bullet shells for the dentist. He would like that.


Mr. Thompson, in answer to your question, NO!!! I do not sleep with my gun under my pillow. I can see it now, me tossing and turning, because I do, every night, and all of a sudden POW! Oh whoops, I somehow forgot the gun was under my pillow. It's never going to happen: the whole sleep with the gun under my pillow scenario. However, the gun is close to my bed, very much UNLOADED. The bullets are not stored anywhere near the gun. It's. Just. Safer. That. Way.


Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Great - another idea implanted. Looks like I'll be going out to the shooting range this weekend. You've inspired Mr. Thompson.

I don't know whether I should laugh...or cry.

Amy said...

You are now my hero. You own a gun. You know how to reload (or whatever that's called) AND you actually hit a target. Someday I'll be as cool as you. Someday.

Mashell Lungren said...

LOVED the story, as usual. I laughed all the way through. Give the dentist a slug in the arm from me.