Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Beauty and the Beast

But not so much beauty as ... well, NOT beauty!

My sister and I frequent the local rec center. It's fairly new and has a lot of equipment. We run to our playlists of choice (usually Latin music) and dream of someday running along the beach like Robin Wright Penn does in Message in a Bottle.

One of our favorite machines is what we call 'The Beast.' It's the mother of all stair steppers and after 15 minutes I feel like I've run a marathon. It's great, and we often fight over who gets to use it first. (Because if we don't use it before the rest of our workout, there's a good chance we'll not have enough energy to climb onto the beast, let alone use it.)

We could be considered regulars...and we've learned to recognize other regulars. There is a lady who is there, faithfully, every night, walking her little heart out around the track. She's our hero. There is the kid in the weight room who gives my sister the creeps. There are others too, but the one I want to talk about is someone we call simply 'Gross Man.' (This is where beauty does NOT apply.)

Gross Man is old, over-weight, and very very sweaty. I give Gross Man props for going to the gym and working out. What I don't give Gross Man props for is his attire. He wears the tiniest little shorts and well...it's just too much.

Last night Gross Man was on The Beast. We figured we'd start in the weight room and give Gross Man plenty of time to finish his workout. Gross Man was still on The Beast when we finished with our weight routine. We stood near The Beast, trying to decide what other machines to use, when we noticed that the ceiling must have sprung a leak right over The Beast. Really, there was that much water.

On closer inspection however, we found that the water was not water at all, but SWEAT pouring off of Gross Man. The Beast was covered with puddles of sweat. Oh...it turns my stomach to even think of it. The floor around The Beast was wet. There should have been a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign around The Beast. The rec. center doesn't really need to build that pool if Gross Man sticks around. Yes, it's that bad.

Even if Gross Man used ALL of the towels and disinfectant spray to clean up after himself, I'm not sure that I'd ever be able to use The Beast again. As I was leaving I noticed another regular user of The Beast using it. I wanted to shout to her and tell her that The Beast was infected, but I decided that for her, ignorance could be bliss.

I'm going to have to find a new place to work out. Ugg...

9 comments:

Tiff said...

as the fellow gym goer...all I have to say is ewwwwwww!!!

Makes my stomach churn also!

Tia said...

Mine too!!! That's nasty!!

Sandra said...

Ew, Ew, Ew.

David G. Woolley said...

What? He wears the tiniest little shorts and well...it's just too much? Don't you mean it's just not enough?

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

I started reading and you inspired me....

but then I finished and have now decided to protest Gross Man by not using my treadmill tonight.

Instead, I'm going to eat a big bowl of chocolate ice cream.

(p.s. this is why you can climb Timp and I cant....)

KT said...

Is Dave the Gross Man?

Sorry Dave, I have always wondered why you like to take so many showers...

David G. Woolley said...

Are you kidding? Me the gross man? Noelle doesn't use any beast I've treaded on before not because of the sweat accumulation, but for the aromatic scent. It lasts for days.

Manda said...

Oh my gosh...that's disgusting...I'm kinda glad I haven't gone to the gym for awhile if for that reason alone...ewwwww!!!

lvs2dance said...

EWWWWW I hate sweaty things.... I did enjoy reading this though, you are hilarious!