7:00 - Alarm goes off.
7:01 - Turn alarm off and go back to sleep.
8:00 - Get out of bed and get ready for work.
9:00-10:30 - Get to work. Check email. Read a few blogs. Call people who owe me money, etc.
10:30 - Find Mom and whine to her about how I don't feel well, and that I feel really light headed.
11:00 - Call little sister and ask her to take me home.
11:15 - Mom comes and says she'll take me home.
11:17 - Make a mad dash to the bathroom and puke my guts out.
11:20 - Stand up to leave bathroom and fall to floor and pass out.
11:25 - Call Mom and she and big brother come and help me to my office where I fall to the floor and pass out again.
11:30 - 1:00 ish - Lay on office floor and moan. Move head even a fraction of an inch and puke. Keep head draped over mop bucket because that's the only way the world doesn't spin. Hope and pray that Mr. Salesman who is out talking to little brother can't hear me puking my guts out. Take pill (to stop the spinning) and puke it up 5 minutes later. Beg big brother to shoot me or to call 911. He does neither.
Mom goes to dry cleaner, because that's important. Mom calls family doctor and asks his opinion on what to do. Family doctor tells Mom to bring me in so they can give me medicine...except that I can't move my head, and if he does give me medicine I'm going to throw it up.
Dad comes and he and big brother give me a blessing. Big brother and cousin practically carry me and mop bucket to the car. Sudden movement makes me puke AGAIN.
Mom drives me to ER.
1:00-5:30 ish - Arrive at ER. Nice Nurse and Mom get me from car to wheelchair. Movement causes me to puke. Nice Nurse and other nice nurse get me to a bed. They can't lay me down because to put my head flat will cause me to puke again. Nice Nurse gives me a cute pink bucket because she doesn't like my mop bucket. Nice Nurse puts an IV in and I don't even feel it. Nice Nurse tells me I'm going to hyperventilate if I can't control my breathing. Effort to control breathing causes me to puke. Nice Nurse gets an elastic to hold my hair back.
ER doctor comes in. ER doctor is no George Clooney or Dr. Green. ER doctor tells Mom and Dad to leave room because he has to ask me some sensitive questions. I tell Mom and Dad they can stay. No, I'm not pregnant, and no I don't do drugs or drink. ER doctor tells Nice Nurse to give me medicine to control puking. She puts it through the IV. It doesn't help. ER doctor comes in later to ask me more questions.
Doctor: "How long has ...?"
Me : "Umm..." and then I puke. Because movement even to talk does that to me.
Doctor: "Can you tell me what..."
Me: "Umm..." puke some more.
Doctor: "What about...?"
Me: "Umm..." puke.
Doctor: "Nice Nurse the medicine doesn't seem to be working. Can you give her some more?"
Nice Nurse does, and then she gives me Valium, and attaches the second bag of saline solution, and then I pass out from all of the drugs.
Sometime later I hear Doctor say, "I'm thinking that we're going to have to send her to another hospital and admit her. We can't control her symptoms."
Me thinking, "I have a gun. I'd let you borrow it just this once."
FINALLY, medicine starts to take effect. Doctor wants me to get up and walk around. Mom says to doctor, "Why don't you give her the anti-dizziness pills first before she tries to walk." Doctor says, "That's a good idea." Nice Nurse gives me medicine and then I sleep some more.
Nice Nurse takes me for a walk around the ER. I don't fall over or pass out. That's a good sign. I go back to bed and fall asleep. Later Nice Nurse gives me more anti-dizziness medicine and then has me walk around again. Nice Nurse says, "Mom, don't let her walk by herself. She's not too steady."
Finally I'm coherent enough to notice that Nice Nurse put an ELASTIC in my hair. Does Nice Nurse not know the damage elastics do to hair? Mom reminds me, "Dear, you're in the ER. Let's prioritize a bit." Then I notice that I have mascara streaked across my face. "Why didn't you tell me I had makeup all over?" I ask Mom. Nice Nurse points out, "Honey, you were face first in a mop bucket. Do you think we care about mascara?" Good point. Some day I want to be as wise as Mom and Nice Nurse.
Doctor comes in and says, "It's up to you. We can admit you or you can go home and go to other hospital if symptoms return." I say to Nice Nurse, "What would you do?" She says, "Go home." Nice Nurse pushes me in wheelchair to car and I go to Mom's house.
Lay on couch and pass out until this morning and notice that for once the world is not spinning.
And because I'm so lucky, tomorrow I get to go and get an MRI because Doctor wants to rule out any brain tumor or other such nonsense, and then after the MRI I am going to go and see an Ear Nose Throat specialist to try and figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Because there is something wrong. Being this attached to a mop bucket is not normal.
Anyone want to trade me places?
PS. Turns out the salesman did hear me puking.