Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Diagnosis

I'm alive.  I'm standing.  The world only spins once in a while.  My gun is still safely stored in its hiding place.  It's a good hiding place too.  The pink bucket has taken a temporary retirement. Personally, I prefer the the mop bucket, but once in a while we must defer to those taking care of us.  In this case: Nice Nurse.

I didn't get an ounce of claustrophobia during my MRI.  I'm beginning to wonder if my claustrophobia is not as real as I thought it was.  If I can survive an MRI maybe I could survive crawling through a cave.  And it's not that I have any intention of crawling through a cave, it's just that I have this recurring dream where I find myself having to crawl through a horrible cave to get to the top of a mountain.  And every time I dream about this cave I wake up scared to death. But after this MRI, I say bring the cave on.  I can handle it!

The MRI results show a normal, very healthy brain.  I know some of you had your doubts.  I guess we'll have to blame my bouts of forgetfulness and overall lack of smartness on genetics. Sorry Dad, I know you were hoping for another reason why I just don't understand algebra.  

After a lengthy visit with an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist) it was determined that I might, maybe, possibly, could potentially, just happen to have what is called Meniere's Disease.  There is no conclusive diagnosis.  There is no test to prove this disease.  But some guy, whose last name happened to be Meniere, decided one day to lump a group of symptoms together and call it a disease.  Symptoms include: dizziness, nausea, pressure in the inner ear, etc.  According to the ENT I had the worst case scenario of all of the symptoms.  (I never do anything half way.)

There is no treatment, there is no cure, there are no warning signs, there is nothing I can or can't do to avoid further episodes.  Oh wait...there are two things: I could cut back on my caffeine intake, and I could reduce the amount of salt I eat.  There is no proof that either suggestion really works, but they think they might.  So if I don't drink caffeine, and I don't, except when I'm dizzy because the Coke syrup actually helps (interesting...) and I don't eat that much salt (well, my cousin says he's going to get rid of that salt lick I have in my office) I'm back at square one.  

I love square one.  I guess I'll just carry my anti-dizzy medicine with me all the time and hope that I can stop the dizziness before it turns into another "where the heck is my mop bucket" experience.  I'm pretty sure that big brother and cousin hope the medicine helps as well.  As for the salesman, I'm sure he's all, "Have I got a story for you!  The other day I was making this sales call and ... "   

Thank you all for your concern and love and laughs.  I appreciate it, I really do!!!  

And for those who are new to my blog, I promise there will be great stories next week that DON'T involve any buckets, pink, mop, or otherwise.  

Have a great weekend!

PS.  The ER doctor called me yesterday.  He just wanted to make sure my eyes were okay.  My eyes???  And he wanted to make sure I had been in to see an eye doctor.  What was that about him not being George Clooney???  I would even take Archie Morris over this guy.  


Kim Garrett said...

Hey! Talk to my mom. She just got diagnosed with Meniere's Disease yesterday! My Grandpa Peay has it too and has for years. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get it too! Welcome to the Meniere's party! It's horrible! I'm sorry!

Sandra said...

So you make the second person I know that has Meniere's. I'll as Shelly what she does to keep it at bay.

I am glad that it is not something big, bad and horrible.

lvs2dance said...

I am thrilled that you are ok, but how frustrating that they gave you such a lame prognosis! What an awful ordeal you had! It did make for some pretty entertaining reading though! LOL

OzzyFamily said...

Thank goodness you are okay. I have never heard of Meniere's Disease - it sounds terrible. Maybe you should let Becca keep your gun for you -- you know -- just in case. It is comforting to know that your symptoms have a name - although the fact that you can't do anything about the disease (no cure!?) is pretty disappointing! From reading other's comments it sounds like you are not alone with this.

I love the way you write and explain things -- very entertaining I must say. So, even though you may be feeling terrible you are giving the rest of us a reason to smile as you explain it all! Thanks! And take care of yourself.

reedless said...

Glad "It's not a tumor" (say this with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent)
Name the movie and you win a pink bucket. (provided by Noelle)

BigKahuna39 said...

Wow what an experience, I hope that it doesn't get too serious, learning about this whole bucket concept is enlightning to say the least, sorry to hear that your having horrible experiences with this whole weird disease which the name has escaped me, keep us posted I'd like to know the diagnosis etc. May God bless you.

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