Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Ben, There WILL Be A Quiz

Okay...here we go. This is the post where you will ALL be confused...but it has to be done so you can understand the dynamics of Grandpa Wednesdays. Oh...and there might be a slight deviation to this particular Grandpa Wednesday. But trust me, the story just might be worth it.

This is how it happened oh so many years ago:

Gayle married Beatrice. They had four children. My mom (Val) was the youngest of those four children.

Gayle had a sister named Vicki. Vicki married Lyn. They couldn't have children.

Gayle and Beatrice went on a business trip and farmed their children off to different family members. Before they left Beatrice said to Vicki, "If anything happens to me, I want you to raise Valerie."

Gayle and Beatrice were in a car accident, Beatrice died, and my mom went to live with Vicki and Lyn. (She was 18 months old.)

Gayle remarried Lucy, Beatrice's sister. (Are you still with me? This is where Ben gets lost.) Lucy had two children from her first marriage, and together Gayle and Lucy had one more child.

And they were all one, big happy family. (I mean that sincerely.)

So...to my mom this is how it was:

Gayle was 'Daddy Gayle'

Lyn was 'Daddy Lyn'

Vicki was 'Mom'

Lucy was 'Aunt Lucy'

All four were Grandma and Grandpa to me...except that now I call Grandma 'Lucy' ... mostly because it drives her crazy. (On occasion I'm a brat.)

Grandpa Wednesdays are about Lyn.

I help Lucy with her bills.

I spent the night at Lucy's house. I filed all of her papers from last year, balanced the checkbook, told her three times she did in fact owe the money to Dish Network, etc.

BUT...the real story happened this morning. (I promise that my next post will be short.)

We ate breakfast together. AFTER I poured the milk over my cereal Lucy said a blessing. By the time she was finished my cereal was soggy. Sigh.

On my way out of town I was supposed to stop at the family cemetery (yes, we have a cemetery...strange I know) and fertilize the lawn. "It will only take you 20 minutes," Mom said. Riiight. I stopped at the cemetery and as I was opening the bag of fertilizer I heard a crashing sound. I looked up and saw a car rolling to a stop in the gully on the other side of the road. I ran across the road, and down the gully, and found that the lady driving the car was unconscious. GREAT. The front end of her car was smashed in, the air bag had deployed, there was blood, and I was without phone service. GREAT. She woke up and asked me to get her out of the car.

I told her that I couldn't move her but that I would get help. I ran up to the road and flagged down the first truck that drove by. He did have phone service and so he called 911. I ran back to the lady and told her help was on the way. She asked me again to get her out of the car because her legs hurt. I couldn't open her door enough to get her out anyway, so I used that as my excuse. (She was not buying the whole 'I could hurt you more if I move you' excuse.)

The guy who called 911 had followed this lady through the canyon and said she had been swerving all over the road. He had backed off because he figured it was just a matter of time before she hurt herself or someone else. Lucky for me she swerved the direction she did, because had she swerved the other direction she would have hit me.

We're not sure what happened exactly. She may have rolled, or not. She was going pretty fast and when she hit a low spot in the gully her car flew into the air and we think it got smashed when she landed. It wasn't pretty.

The sheriff arrived and took our statements and then we waited until the ambulance arrived. The poor lady was not happy. We helped the paramedics get the lady onto the stretcher and then helped carry her to the ambulance and with that I said, "Well, I guess I'll go fertilize a cemetery." The sheriff just laughed.

I'm willing to give away a portion of my inheritance to pay someone ELSE to fertilize the cemetery. The fertilizer spreader broke, leaving me to spread the nitrogen by hand. Of course I had no gloves, and of course I had an allergic reaction to the nitrogen, so now I have blisters on my fingers. It's been a lovely day.

I can't wait until Lucy sees the lawn at the cemetery. There will be these nice green patches, and then some even greener patches...where the nitrogen got out of control...and then there will be dead spots, where I missed altogether. Anyone who knows Lucy will know how happy she's going to be. My defense will be this: "Crash...broken spreader...blisters."

7 comments:

Tia said...

You've had a busy day! I'm glad she swerved the other way too! Oh, and I think I kept up with all four grandparents, but will the test be open-blog?

Sandra said...

1. I stayed with you the whole way

2. I like the way Lyn spells his name with only one "N" that's the way I spell my middle name- no one ever gets it right except family

3. I don't think it's weird you have a cemetary. Don't all families? Mine does. I get to be buried there free. It looks over a valley and smells like pine trees. I love it.

4. My lawn always looks like that, green, greener and dead.

5. I am so glad she swerved the other way.

6. I hope tomorrow is better.

David G. Woolley said...

Air bag? Cool. Front air bag only or was there a side one too? How big was it? Did it deflate quickly or did you get to see it all puffy? How much blood? How long was she out? What was bleeding? Was the car totalled. Any head trauma? Broken bones? Tissue damage? Burns? Vital organ damage? Wet wipes?

Sandra said...

David, front air bag deployment is not cool. There is a stupid clumpy powder that gets all over everything and makes a huge mess. It is especially yucky when mixed with orange juice. And it is even worse when it is your cute little red sports car and your son just totalled it. You might even forget to ask your son if he is ok.

Dominguez Family said...

Wow! It was nice to have the family tree explained in writting. You've verbally explained it to me a few times before, but it sure makes more since on paper. I'm glad you made a "sincere" statement...I laughed and laughed. I needed that today!

Platt Lucky 7 said...

I think I am with Ben on this one!! Never really thought of a family cemetery, how do I get one of those? :)

Tami said...

Noelle, you are a saint!!! Don't know about the aunts and uncles meeting thing, i just think you are too nice to say no. We were just at the cememtery and it looks great! Not altogether sure grandma goes there much. Love ya and thanks for doing all of our jobs!!!!

Tami