Okay...here we go. This is the post where you will ALL be confused...but it has to be done so you can understand the dynamics of Grandpa Wednesdays. Oh...and there might be a slight deviation to this particular Grandpa Wednesday. But trust me, the story just might be worth it.
This is how it happened oh so many years ago:
Gayle married Beatrice. They had four children. My mom (Val) was the youngest of those four children.
Gayle had a sister named Vicki. Vicki married Lyn. They couldn't have children.
Gayle and Beatrice went on a business trip and farmed their children off to different family members. Before they left Beatrice said to Vicki, "If anything happens to me, I want you to raise Valerie."
Gayle and Beatrice were in a car accident, Beatrice died, and my mom went to live with Vicki and Lyn. (She was 18 months old.)
Gayle remarried Lucy, Beatrice's sister. (Are you still with me? This is where Ben gets lost.) Lucy had two children from her first marriage, and together Gayle and Lucy had one more child.
And they were all one, big happy family. (I mean that sincerely.)
So...to my mom this is how it was:
Gayle was 'Daddy Gayle'
Lyn was 'Daddy Lyn'
Vicki was 'Mom'
Lucy was 'Aunt Lucy'
All four were Grandma and Grandpa to me...except that now I call Grandma 'Lucy' ... mostly because it drives her crazy. (On occasion I'm a brat.)
Grandpa Wednesdays are about Lyn.
I help Lucy with her bills.
I spent the night at Lucy's house. I filed all of her papers from last year, balanced the checkbook, told her three times she did in fact owe the money to Dish Network, etc.
BUT...the real story happened this morning. (I promise that my next post will be short.)
We ate breakfast together. AFTER I poured the milk over my cereal Lucy said a blessing. By the time she was finished my cereal was soggy. Sigh.
On my way out of town I was supposed to stop at the family cemetery (yes, we have a cemetery...strange I know) and fertilize the lawn. "It will only take you 20 minutes," Mom said. Riiight. I stopped at the cemetery and as I was opening the bag of fertilizer I heard a crashing sound. I looked up and saw a car rolling to a stop in the gully on the other side of the road. I ran across the road, and down the gully, and found that the lady driving the car was unconscious. GREAT. The front end of her car was smashed in, the air bag had deployed, there was blood, and I was without phone service. GREAT. She woke up and asked me to get her out of the car.
I told her that I couldn't move her but that I would get help. I ran up to the road and flagged down the first truck that drove by. He did have phone service and so he called 911. I ran back to the lady and told her help was on the way. She asked me again to get her out of the car because her legs hurt. I couldn't open her door enough to get her out anyway, so I used that as my excuse. (She was not buying the whole 'I could hurt you more if I move you' excuse.)
The guy who called 911 had followed this lady through the canyon and said she had been swerving all over the road. He had backed off because he figured it was just a matter of time before she hurt herself or someone else. Lucky for me she swerved the direction she did, because had she swerved the other direction she would have hit me.
We're not sure what happened exactly. She may have rolled, or not. She was going pretty fast and when she hit a low spot in the gully her car flew into the air and we think it got smashed when she landed. It wasn't pretty.
The sheriff arrived and took our statements and then we waited until the ambulance arrived. The poor lady was not happy. We helped the paramedics get the lady onto the stretcher and then helped carry her to the ambulance and with that I said, "Well, I guess I'll go fertilize a cemetery." The sheriff just laughed.
I'm willing to give away a portion of my inheritance to pay someone ELSE to fertilize the cemetery. The fertilizer spreader broke, leaving me to spread the nitrogen by hand. Of course I had no gloves, and of course I had an allergic reaction to the nitrogen, so now I have blisters on my fingers. It's been a lovely day.
I can't wait until Lucy sees the lawn at the cemetery. There will be these nice green patches, and then some even greener patches...where the nitrogen got out of control...and then there will be dead spots, where I missed altogether. Anyone who knows Lucy will know how happy she's going to be. My defense will be this: "Crash...broken spreader...blisters."