Thursday, June 25, 2009

On Being Alone

Why would anyone purposely buy a package of regular Oreos when they can buy a package of Double Stuff Oreos for the same price? That's what I'm wondering today.

Two nights ago I went for a bike ride. My brother-in-law shares his bike with me. A bike is on my list of things to buy but I am not yet educated enough in the ways of bikes to make a wise purchase. I'm working on that.

When I went to pick up the bike my niece said to me, "Noelle, why do you always like to be alone?"

As I was pedaling my heart out I thought about her question, and it made me sad. Truth is I don't like doing things alone, but doing something alone is better than doing nothing alone right? That's what I tell myself over and over again...when I'm out hiking or biking, or doing whatever it is I do...usually alone.

I told my mom and my sister about Gabi's question. I shouldn't have because I couldn't tell them without a few tears, and that caused concern throughout the land. Tears = concern throughout the land...always.

Yesterday my mom called me and said, "I'm taking Dad to a movie Saturday night and wondered if you would like to come." Yesterday my sister told me, "I think I can swing it to go hiking with you two times a week." Yesterday when I asked my dad if he would go hiking with me he said, "Sure."

Concern throughout the land = extreme effort to get rid of whatever is causing the tears. I appreciate the effort, I really do. Because the effort usually comes with sacrifice from others.

Last night I took my dad to my new favorite trail. If any of you would like to hike through a bit of heaven just say the word and I'll take you. It's a 4 mile hike through some pretty amazing fields of wildflowers. As we were hiking I told Dad my plan.

"Dad, I'm going on Saturday to get my concealed weapons permit. And then, Dad, I'm going to learn how to shoot my gun. And then, Dad, I'm going to carry my gun with me when I go hiking alone...unloaded of course, but with ammunition nearby. Mom will have no reason to worry. I'll have protection from whatever might happen to jump out at me." He said okay.

Later, when we passed a group of 6 or 7 guys on dirt bikes riding up the trail I said, "Dad, I'm not a fan of guys on dirt bikes ruining the tranquility of my piece of heaven." He agreed.

"But Dad, I secretly want to learn to ride a dirt bike. Think of the rush you would get!"

"Dad, would that surprise you? If I learned to ride a dirt bike?"

Dad was quiet for a minute and then said, "Oh...I don't know. You're going to carry a gun with you when you hike..."

"That was totally predictable." Dad doesn't use sarcasm very often but when he does I laugh...a lot...because he always uses it in the perfect spot.

Dad's probably limping today, as a result of his willingness to prevent more alone time, and I love him for that.

All signs would indicate that for the foreseeable future 'alone' is what is in store for me...it's a good thing that myself and I get along well together...

* * * unless I become tight with the dirt bikers...not a bad idea...not bad at all...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Noelle,

Having been alone longer than you, I can tell you that it is not bad, but I don't want it for you. It gets weird.

I have no advice. You are better at relationships than I am. Try not to dwell on the bad things about the situation. There are lots of good things.

I want to go hiking. Maybe someday.

Anna Lee

Carrie said...

I'm all for hiking/biking with you. No more going alone because I need the exercise and I want to go with you. I'm free almost every night around 8. Call me...

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Good for you! Get your concealed weapon permit....learn to shoot your gun...buy a motorcycle....hike Everest....put on your IPOD and sing at the top of your lungs....take bagpipe lessons... DO IT ALL!

Life is way to short not to enjoy it. Even if it is alone.

Brynn said...

Noelle,
I think it's great that you do so many things instead of waiting for someone to come with you. You have lots of friends and family that love you. You aren't alone. I wish we lived closer and that I didn't have so many kids with me all the time. I would love to come hang out with you, as long as I don't have to shoot a gun.
B

Rachel said...

"You're not alone. Say it one more time....you're not alone." Cause Rachel will just call you on the phone, if you're alone....come to my home. :)

Karen said...

Sometimes I wish we didn't have to have trials. They just suck! Love you lady!

April said...

I've been seriously considering the dirt bike thing...and I am currently looking for some place I can 'try out' a bike before I buy one...when (not if) I find someone to teach me (and you) I will give you a call!