Thursday, September 3, 2009

Tentative Itinerary

I spent half the night coming up with the following schedule - I'm sure you'll all approve.

I should mention that trublubyu from Laughing At Life's Little Wedgies (have you read her blog? You should - it's a good one) gets full credit for this idea. And may I just say - it's a brilliant idea!

Oh...and honorable mention must go to Megan's idea - and if I were the kind of girl who happened to kiss random strangers - I would have TOTALLY taken her up on it.

THE SCHEDULE
Day One

I, along with a very handsome man, will pick Fernando up from the airport. It's the least I can do considering I'm bound to break his heart - again. Depending on the time of day, we'll buy him lunch or dinner.

From there we will take him to Mr. Woolley's casa. (Mr. Woolley, Fernando's closest friends were also close friends with the Rabanales. I think they would approve of this situation.)

Fernando and Mr. Woolley have a lot in common: they are both bachelors, they both play soccer, and they both speak Spanish. (Dave, Fernando speaks lousy English...just so you know.)

Oh...and Mr. Woolley...Fernando doesn't need much...a couch or an air mattress will do just fine.

Day Two

After a hearty breakfast of juevos rancheros Mr. Woolley is going to take Fernando to my place of employment. There, I will introduce Fernando to my brother Jared and I'll leave him with Jared - to do whatever it is they're going to do. (Jared is half Latino as it is, so Fernando and Jared will get along smashingly...Jared, take him to a taco place for lunch. He will like that.)

After lunch Fernando will ride along with one of our delivery drivers while he makes a drop at Daybreak. After the delivery, the driver will drop Fernando off at Mr. And Mrs. Thompson's, where he will spend the afternoon and evening.

I have it on good authority that Mrs. Thompson has a way with wayward souls - I'm sure she can convince Fernando once and for all that I'm NOT going to marry him.

When Mrs. Thompson has exhausted her Spanish vocabulary she will return Fernando to Mr. Woolley's care.

Day Three

I, my handsome date, Fernando, and Fernando's DATE are going to Temple Square.

(Mr. Woolley, I'll get you a date too if you want.)

((...oh, ALW - you too - hey - want to be Mr. Woolley's date?!!))

About Fernando's date - I thought Carrie and Tia could split the time. One of you in the AM and one in the PM. Remember ladies, you owe me! (Don't worry, I'll translate the love songs as he sings them to you...and he will...sing them.)

When we're done doing the Salt Lake City tourist thing I thought we could go miniature golfing. Isn't that what all group dates do?

Fernando will be tired so we'll take him back to Mr. Woolley's house early.

*Mr. Woolley, I'm going to loan you a chick flick to watch with Fernando - one where the guy
DOESN'T get the girl at the end - think he'll get the message?

DAY FOUR

To my lurker friend Bryan D - because I never made you turn in your man card - could you be a peach and take Fernando and do manly stuff with him? (Maybe not the manly activity where you lay on your motorcycle and drive it with your feet - he would kill himself for sure.)

When you get back you can both come to a lovely dinner my sister Heather and cousin Debbie will have prepared. All of my family will be there to help entertain Fernando.

By this point I imagine he might be a little down and maybe even a bit heart broken. I've arranged for my friend Kimber to come and cheer him up. (KT - you were so willing to have me cheer Rafael up, I thought I would return the favor.)

This will be the last night at Mr. Woolley's house. Make it special Dave - make popcorn. Maybe Fernando likes popcorn.

DAY FIVE

Amy and Lilet, I thought you could plan a little going away brunch for Fernando. (As a bonus he can look at any sick pets you might have while we're there.)

Thanks so much in advance!!! I'm sure the Mexican style buffet you plan will be perfect!

After a tearful goodbye (his, not mine) my friend Kim will drop him off at the airport, give him my (fake) wedding announcement, and say Adios. (She's been practicing.)

Any changes I should make?

I didn't think so.

11 comments:

Tia said...

Hey, what'd I do??? I danced at that thing for heaven's sake. My debt is paid! :)

Noelle said...

What's that saying we have? ... "Never turn down an opportunity"

adrienzgirl said...

Noelle....shame on you. The name of your blog is "Because Nice Matters". Honesty is always the best policy. No fake wedding announcements, for sure. No fake boyfriends either. Just stick to your guns (and faith) and tell him the TRUTH. You do not like him that way, and your sorry but you never will! You can do it!

http://momsaysthink.blogspot.com/

Noelle said...

Dear Adrienzgirl,

Okay, no fake wedding announcement. Scratch that. (You know I was kidding about the whole blog right???)

I never said the good looking guy would be my boyfriend, just that he would be with me. I try to surround myself with good looking guys often. :)

And speaking of my faith, maybe by then some good looking guy COULD be my boyfriend. You never know!

Ummm...oh...and the tell him the truth part? I've tried...oh so many times...at least a hundred...in both english and spanish...but in his version of reality the truth I tell him isn't enough.

Sigh...

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

When did you get to be such a "sass-a-frass"? (like my new word?!)

You have really outdone yourself with the funny factor today. Tears almost crept out.

Go for the fake wedding announcement - boyfriend - whatever it takes. Even then, he will still try to kiss you and propose.

Mark. My. Word.

David G. Woolley said...

Losing friends fast, dear!

I say do the wedding announcement big. A friend of mine, Melissa Marcov (if you're out there Melissa, I still haven't forgiven you) passed out wedding announcements in my ward one Sunday. I was the ward organist. I couldn't figure out why everyone was pointing at me and giggling. After sacrament meeting I got a copy. Photo of Dave with a Soccer ball, on fine pink parchment announcing my marriage SPOT (the soccer ball). Real funny.

Any other week of the year Fernando would have a place here in beautiful Bountiful, but we're remodeling the bathroom, putting in a new stairwell and terracing the backyard. Doesn't everyone do that? Any other week, seriously. He's going to have to stay at your parents. Let your Mom and Dad fall in love with him.

I'm friends with the owner of Day's Inn in Panguith. I can get him a discount. Four nights and all you can eat Juevos Rancheros for next to no pesos. And another perk: Se habla espanol.

And even yet one more perk: do you know how many hours you could kill driving back and forth to Panguith every night?

David G. Woolley said...

I know Panguith has a "C" in there at the end, its just that my fingers move so light-speed fast the keyboard doesn't register movements beyond one billionth of a second. What's a fast typer to do?

Carrie said...

HA, HA!! So nice to think of me but I'll pass!!

Benjamin said...

Seriously!

Manda said...

Wow...I'm so glad I'm not involved in this itinerary. It is hilarious though. I liq'd really hard. I'll keep my eyes open for a handsome man for you.

Leslie said...

Wowza! I can't believe the whole Fernando thing. So crazy but it made me chuckle. I love reading your blog - though I do feel bad you have this guy after you.