I have some sad news.
Maybe you should sit down to read it.
I'm serious, sit down.
(Wait...you probably are sitting down...that's what you do when you read something on the computer.)
Becca and I are getting divorced.
Isn't it horrible?
I thought things were fine between us.
I didn't even suspect she had any complaints.
Apparently I was wrong.
When I told her I was thinking about buying a house she told me I should do it.
She supported me.
She cheered me on.
She said that she was excited to move with me.
I guess all of it was a lie.
Because when it comes right down to it she doesn't want to move with me.
She is going to stay in her own home...with her own furniture.
And I will be moving into my new house...with just my lamps to keep me company.
With the exception of 18 months when I lived in NYC and she lived in Ohio, we've never really been apart.
Oh...there was that time I went away to college, but I came home on the weekends to visit her.
I just don't know what I'm going to do.
Now we'll be living an entire 2 BLOCKS from each other!
And to make matters worse, 95% of everything we have is really hers.
No divorce judge anywhere would agree to us splitting the assets 50/50.
She did go through the spice cupboard last night and take out what we have two of.
I guess that's something.
Oh...and she did say I could take the entertainment center.
I guess that's something too.
I've always thought a twin sister is supposed to stick with you...until marriage.
I've learned my lesson.
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I'll steal some cookie sheets and bread pans...that will make me feel better.