Friday, January 30, 2009

In Honor of the Super Bowl

Once I had a mission companion from Albania. She was nice but a little high strung and a little crazy. Maybe more than a little crazy, but she brought great entertainment value to our twosome.

She had a high pitched voice and to this day when I say hello or goodbye in Albanian, I automatically say them in the same high voice.

I convinced my dear companion that the Super Bowl was actually called the Super Spoon. The memory of how I accomplished this is a bit fuzzy now, but trust me, it happened.

The crowning moment was when she said to the elders in our zone (read this with the highest pitch you can get...it will help make it more real) : "Elders, who's playing in the Super Spoon?"

I sat in the corner trying not to laugh, while the elders just looked at her with a collective look of "WHAT?" Well, there was that one elder who knew me all too well. He didn't have the "WHAT?" look on his face. His look was more "Seriously Platt? You would stoop to that level?"

Yes, yes I would.

Go team!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In Case I Forget

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

...Even when customers who owe me money yell at me because I have the nerve to charge them a finance charge on their past due balance. Even when it was the customer who said "Go ahead and charge me a finance charge." Even when the past due balance was due in July and I only charged him one month's finance charge. And especially when the customer tells me that we're in a 'partnership' and if he doesn't get paid, why should I get paid. We're off to a great season.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Polka Dots Anyone?

I'm a fan of the BYU men's volleyball team. I get season tickets. I develop secret crushes on some of the players. My favorite crush graduated. I'll have to find a new one. I've almost got the fight song memorized. Last night there was a game. BYU won. As I sat cheering the team I thought of my own illustrious volleyball career...and then I couldn't stop laughing.

In grade school we played volleyball. And by we I mean 4th graders to 6th graders. They took students from each grade and created teams. I was intimidated to near death by the 6th graders on my team. Cole Kelly, who once saved my life from a bully, was on my team and the thought of having to play volleyball with him nearly did me in...simply because I couldn't play volleyball...AT ALL.

Every Thursday our teacher would tell us to get ready to go to the volleyball games - where the whole school was in attendance. And every Thursday I would come up with my best excuse:

I have a headache and can't play.
My stomach is really upset.
I twisted my ankle at recess.
Playing volleyball is against my religion. (Okay, I never used that one. But it would have been good...had the teacher not been my same religion.)

I only remember actually playing in one game. And 'playing' is a stretch. I stood on the court, filled a space, and prayed the ball wouldn't come my direction. Oh...and there were the polka dots.

One Thursday morning when it became evident that Mrs. Bennett (my teacher) was not going to give in to any of my excuses I had to come up with Plan B. And for a 4th grader I'd say my Plan B was not too shabby. If everyone is going to laugh at me why not give them something to really laugh at? If the entire school is going to be watching ME miss the ball, why not give them something to really watch? (I feel so sorry for the 4th grade me...just wait, you'll understand.)

I spent the entire morning and lunch recess cutting circles out of colored paper. And then my friend and I taped those colored circles all over me. I was covered from head to toe in polka dots. There...that would show them...go ahead and laugh if you want, at least it wouldn't be because the ball hit me in the face...again. (I wonder now where my teacher was. Shouldn't she have put a stop to such behavior?)

I'm pretty sure we lost that game. And I'm pretty sure people laughed at me. Heck, I'm laughing at me. Ahh...memories.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Success!

I did it! I found Jack and Sandra's address! I'm thinking you don't really care, but I'm going to tell you how I found it anyway.

Once upon a time I had a friend named Brent Olsen. Brent and I were in the same ward and worked together in our callings. One day he said to me, "My dad and your mom were best friends growing up." It only took about 2 seconds for me to figure out who his dad was. I grew up hearing about Steven Olsen and considering that Brent and I didn't grow up anywhere near each other, it's amazing we ended up in the same ward.

Fast forward a year. I was anxiously awaiting my mission call. Every time I saw Brent he said "You are going to go to the New York New York South mission (where Brent served). I ignored him because I was SURE I was going to Latin America. When I finally did open my mission call I read "You have been called to serve in the New York New York South mission." Brent was giddy for days.

Brent had only one hope for me: "I really hope you serve in Jamaica, Queens. I would love it if you could meet one of the couples I taught and baptized. They're amazing and they will take care of you."

Can you see where this is going? Yep, Brent taught Jack and Sandra. He taught other random people I met too, people who never joined the church but who I happened to meet while tracting. It seemed I followed in his footsteps throughout my entire mission.

Anyway...Brent and I haven't talked in years but he just found me on Facebook. And what do you know, he had Jack and Sandra's address.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Life's Major Dilemmas

This one is BIG. This one could be HUGE! And I need help figuring out what to do. Okay, maybe it's not huge. That might be an exaggeration, but I had to get your attention somehow. For those of you who don't know, I served my mission in New York City. Lovely place...if you don't mind the smell and the humidity and the drug paraphernalia (I had the best drug bag collection - but that's another story). Anyway...

I met some amazing people, people I still consider friends. Most of the friends I made were from other countries, and I became an expert at understanding accents and languages that were supposed to be English but somehow weren't. For years after I left NYC I could hear an accent and usually guess correctly at it's origin.

Two of my friends, I'll call them Jack and Sandra...oh wait, they really are named Jack and Sandra...are from Trinidad. They've lived in the US for a long time but their accents are still really heavy. So heavy in fact that when Jack talks, and boy howdy does he talk, I have to tell him constantly "Jack, slow down! I can't understand you. Really Jack, SLOW DOWN!" And then the conversation is peppered with "whats" and "say that agains" and by the time we end the conversation my head hurts.

So...here's the dilemma: Jack and Sandra moved to Florida. Now you might be wondering why that's a dilemma. Don't worry, I'm about to give you the reasons.

- Somehow moving to Florida caused their accents to get worse, not better.

- The cell phone connection between here and there is horrible, worse than it ever was in NYC, and when you have heavy accents plus a crackly connection...ahhh!

- I don't have their new address. Sandra has given it to me at least 4 times but I CAN'T understand her. And you can only say 'what' so many times without sounding rude. With an address I can write a letter, and Sandra will respond, and there is no language barrier.

My friend Fawcett is also friends with Jack and Sandra. Do you think she can get the address? Nope, she doesn't understand them either. And it was from her that I learned all I needed to know about understanding accents.

I'm so stuck. Jack calls me and leaves me messages all the time. "PLATT! Answer the phone! PLATT, it's Bad Jack. Why don't you call me back?" "PLATT! When are you ever going to come to Florida?" I need to call him, I really do. He will talk and I will say stuff, and I will hope that the stuff I say fits with the stuff he says...because if not, how embarrassing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Either Way, I'm Toast


DISCLAIMER

To the three men who read this blog:

My brother (who doesn't count because he has to listen to me anyway)

Mr. Woolley

and

The English Bee (who may or may not read this post)

This may be too girly of a topic for the three of you mentioned above. That's all I am going to say. You had your fair warning.
Remember back in the day when you were in the 6th grade and you started getting acne? Remember the creams and the medications and the home remedies? And remember how the older you got, the more creative those home remedies became? And finally, remember when at last you reached adulthood and you no longer had to worry about such trivial things as acne? What a happy time!

What I'm wondering is if I missed that part in the 'maturation program' where they tell you that once you're well into your thirties you will again feel like you're in the 6th grade. Did any of you hear that?

Good grief!!! It's like I woke up one day about 6 months ago and my face said "Welcome back to the 6th grade. You'll like it here." My mom heard about a new home remedy: Milk of Magnesia - you put it on your face like lotion. I bought stock in the company. I found my own home remedy that I think actually works: a little dab of Neosporin and some white tape...you know that medical tape that doctors use with gauze? Nearly every night I have white tape somewhere on my face. It's feminine, dainty, and appealing for sure.

So today I was telling my cousin about my home remedy, and the more I talked to him the more he looked worried. My cousin calls me Prima, which is cousin in Spanish, and so he interrupted me and said, "Prima! That's not good!" Go ahead and ask, what's not good? "You're not supposed to put Neosporin on your face. It causes brain cancer." And my dear cousin really believes that.

It's a toss up, brain cancer or spending the rest of my life in the sixth grade.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Best of Intentions

Every day I make a list of things I need to do. Today's list was like this:

-Figure out the mess I made with BYU's account
-Find my desk
-Call the dentist and schedule a cleaning
-Take shirt back to mall
-Pick up skirt from alteration place
-Text JaLae
-Email or send card to:

and this is where it gets complicated.

Every day I think of someone I want to say thank you to, or someone I want to say hi to, or someone I want to say "I'm thinking of you" to. And so I write those names down and then, at the end of the day, I realize that I didn't get to the most important part of my list.

I am blessed with the world's greatest friends!!! I wish I could go out to dinner or a movie or just sit and chat with all of them, all of the time. But life gets in the way and I go months without talking to or seeing many of my friends.

So to all of you, wherever you are, whatever you're doing: thank you, hi and I'm thinking of you, and so much more!

(PS. If you want to read something that will make you say "Awww" and then sigh, go to http://www.theenglishbee.com/ and click on "The Blog" and read the blog about a girl's laugh. Leave a comment. The author will like that.)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

PPS

I saw a girl in the mall yesterday wearing a coat the same color as the green in the background. It's a crying shame that not everyone in the world can get away with wearing that color.

PS

Every time I change the background on my blog I get comments from the peanut gallery. (The peanut gallery being our very own famous Mr. Woolley.) Bring it on Dave, what don't you like about this background?

Welcome to the New Year

I think I forgot I had a blog. It's just that I've been super busy...super busy with super important things:

Eating

Putting puzzles together with my dad (he just had back surgery and we're trying to keep him from going crazy)

Eating

Watching the 7 hour French version of the Count of Monte Cristo

Eating

You get the idea.