My Dearest Noelle,
I don't know what to do...Jello is so important in my life. Woe, woe, woe is me! I had a poignant moment as I took a soul-searching walk today.(Was the walk before or after your 'hefty nap'?) After much sitting, walking, throwing snowballs at kids coming home from school, running away, walking to catch my breath, sitting… I came to the realization that my Jello fix might have to come in the form of small, ready- made personal Jello cups. You know, like the ones Bill Cosby was famous for? Although not an entirely tragic conclusion, not having fresh Jello in the fridge 24-7 might put a damper on our marriage. Just saying...
(If I ever go grocery shopping I will be sure to add Jello cups to the list.)
Although a mild setback, I'm still optimistic in our chances. To be honest, I'm most worried about a spare tire forming in my mid section after a few years of marriage. I've seen this all too often. Guys who seem to be in good shape get married and then completely lose all their ability to say no to food! Their wives make these amazing meals 3-4 times a day and how can they refuse? This, to be totally honest, has been my biggest concern. The news that you feel you might not be all that adept in the kitchen actually comes as a blessing in disguise.
For instance, if by some chance, I'm not in the mood to eat this fabulous meal you made (and if I make it it WILL be fabulous), and knowing that you feel a little bit unsure of yourself in the kitchen , it may give me an out to say something like, 'Honey, this is terrible!'. Because of your self-imposed mediocrity in all things cuisine, this might not come as quite a shock to you. Thus I can get out of eating too much and you will go back to the drawing board. Eventually you will get better and I will keep my girlish figure. And to think there are those who say that guys don't know how to cater to women's sensibilities. Ridiculous!
(I'm not sure the 'Honey, this is terrible!' is gonna fly...)
Don't get me wrong...I do love a home cooked meal, but it doesn't have to be all the time. I've literally lived on microwave food for decades so I'm ok with your lack of culinary skills. I think you will find that I am really pretty easy to live with in terms of meal prep. You are officially off the hook!
And in regards to your 'late for church' episode...let's just hope this is an isolated incident for your sake. Of course you know I'm kidding. Actually, I'm a little suspect of those who are always on time. Do they think they are better than me, or even worse, more righteous? Personally, I believe that being on time is over-rated. Why not take every advantage of making a grand entrance by showing up five minutes late and having everyone look at you? It sounds like a win-win to me.
(He didn't say he would fix the garage door. Sigh...)
Truly, I think marriage with you will be complete and utter bliss! As you can see from the above responses to your concerns, I have no doubt that we will never argue, squabble, complain, be selfish, be inconsiderate, be thoughtless, worry, wish at times we were single again, stink, fight, see you without makeup on (he already has), not make the bed (what does making the bed mean?), disagree, contradict each other, quarrel, and will always see eye to eye on everything! Although I acknowledge the fact that I'm not perfect, I'm sure you will look past those imperfections, right?
Really, if we hold on to what is right, be true to ourselves, be as patient as possible with each other, love each other with all our heart and soul (in good times and bad), and not worry about those things that, although seemingly important at the time, have no eternal consequences, our home will be heaven on earth!
With All My Love,
PS. I love desserts...and I love you Cupcake! (too much cheese?) (Probably...but I like it.)
PPS. Draper, I'm ever so anxiously awaiting your blog post.