To Whom It May Concern at the United States Postal Service,
I heard on the news the other night that you are struggling financially. I'm not trying to be rude (quoting my friend Simon Cowell) but I can kind of understand why. Normally I'm a fan - I like your stamps and I prefer to send cards and letters rather than emails. But you and I have issues.
Remember when I visited a few months ago and you gave me an address, a zip code, and a mailbox key? And remember when I talked face to face with the woman who is supposed to deliver my mail? I thought we had resolved our concerns that day.
I don't understand how things have gotten so out of hand since then. YOU gave me my mailbox, and now YOU return my mail to the sender saying "mailbox does not exist." You haggle with my friends over the zip code that YOU gave me, and overall you are making me CRAZY!
Do you know that I'm getting married in 8 days? 8 DAYS! I have friends who probably want to send me cards of a congratulatory nature - maybe even a gift or two. My husband to be is having some things shipped to our house. What are you going to do? Return them? Keep them - like you did my birthday gift from Fawcett? (But that is for another letter, another time.) I'm losing faith, I really am.
I don't know what else to do but call for a meeting with the Post Master General. Maybe he (or is she a woman?) can help me resolve my concerns.
Very sincerely yours,
A disgruntled customer.