Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Quick Post On...

...Why Being Me Can Be So Difficult...

Once upon a time I worked with a kid who thought he was in love with me. He wasn't, he just thought he was. It worked to my benefit for a while because when he would come back from lunch he usually brought me a treat of some sort...never mind the fact that I was his boss and that I was old enough to be his mother...almost.

One day he said to me, "You know, you have more hair on your lip than I do."

And there I sat, in stunned silence...thinking 'did you really just say that to me?' I looked in the mirror as soon as I could and then spent the next day asking everyone I knew: "Do I really have a lot of hair above my lip?"

They all told me no. And that I was being ridiculous. And that I needed to stop worrying about it.

I didn't stop worrying about it...I worried myself right to the store and bought some hair removal cream.

...and burned myself with the first use of it. I guess I left it on too long.

I wish I could say I stopped the nonsense then...but I didn't. I continued to use that cream every month or so...and nearly every time I used it I burned my face. One time I burned it so badly it scabbed. (I know, I know, will I never learn.)

I gave up on the cream and went for the wax option. (Keep in mind...you really can't see anything unless you have a magnifying glass...but Nacho said...yes that's his name...I know, I know...when do you ever take a guy named Nacho seriously?!!)

Anyway...back to the sad story.

There is something sadistically soothing about hot wax...and I didn't mind using it...until the time it didn't work like it should and I was left with a sticky upper lip...and the little blue bottle of wax remover was nowhere to be found...and Jason was going to be there in an hour...and good grief, I couldn't kiss him with a sticky upper lip.

You don't want to know what I used to try and remove that wax. Well, maybe you do, but I don't want to tell you. By the time the wax was off, my face looked like it did when I burned it with the cream.

And with that I gave up altogether. I decided to trust in my sisters and believe them when they told me that I was being ridiculous...and I did...until today.

I looked in the mirror and heard these words: "You have more hair on your lip than I do..." and I panicked because...well...because I'm getting married in 2 days and a little bit of panic is to be expected...is it not?

I couldn't use the wax...I was afraid of the sticky residue...and with Jason coming today...

I pulled out the hair remover cream and thought 'you can do this...it will be just fine.'

A few hours later I was shopping with my mom. I had just walked out of the dressing room wearing a beautiful dress and my mom said, "I hope you feel like a princess because you look like one...but...Noelle, what did you do to your face? Is it burned? How did you burn it?"

And I couldn't lie because she's the mom and no matter how old I get I can't lie to the mom and when I told her she smacked me on the arm and rolled her eyes. In her head I'm sure she was saying 'my daughter is so dumb...how did she get to be 34 and be so dumb? she's getting married in 2 days for heaven's sake.'

All I can say is if Nacho were still working for me I'd fire him today.

9 comments:

Brynn said...

Hahaha! I burned myself to scabs once too. Why didn't you just go to the salon?

Tiffany said...

Great googly moogly!!!

Will we never learn?

Don't pop it, bleach it, wax it or chemically peel it just prior to a big event!!! Especially with your Princess and the Pea style sensitive skin!


Tip:
Nads facial hair removal strips. If you must do this to yourself again... go with these babies! No wax that won't come off. No heating the wax, and no nasty caustic chemicals.

adrienzgirl said...

Oh Noelle! Nothing crazy two days before your wedding! That's like going tanning in a tanning bed, for the first time. Hello? Lobster in a dress anyone?

You silly girl! You are beautiful! Just the way you are!

So exciting...2 days???

The Warrior in ME said...

Ahh- Nacho should have been fired a LONG time ago! Did he think that line was going to help him woo the girl?? Where do guys like these get their sickly ideas from?

Don't worry. I'm sure you know by now (out of several past experiences) that the burn will go out in a few hours. You look gorgeous in your photographs here- i swear you do. Not at all just saying it coz you're my friend, you know! Seriously.

And no- the mum is thinking- "Ah! How did i not guess already? She's MY daughter- the genes are BOUND TO rub off" and rolling her eyes probably reminiscing the last time she did that to impress your dad! We ALL do this. I can't even remember if there ever was a time when i didn't tweeze almost ALL of my eyebrow hair out in an attempt to make both sides equal! Ha- so much for looking MY BEST when it ACTUALLY MATTERED!

Jason is NOT going to comment even- watch.

FEEL pretty- you are :)

Mashell Lungren said...

The WHOLE time I've known you I never ONCE thought you had hair above your lip! I'm not sure I can eat nachos anymore after reading this story. My diet thanks you for the visual! Best of luck in the next few days. I won't be able to leave town like I was hoping. I am sending you lots of well wishes, however. I will also send prayers that your face will have a miraculous healing! Loves!

-stephanie- said...

You poor thing. I'm sure nobody will notice, just like they wouldn't have noticed the hair that probably wasn't there in the first place. :o)

You'll be a beautiful bride no matter what. Congratulations and have a fun wedding. God bless you both.

Camaree Staheli said...

Noelle, Noelle, Noelle...did you know that you could walk into any beauty salon and pay $5 to have it done by a professional? No burns, no sticky residue - just a clean upper lip.

Shoot, I should have offered to buy it for you for your big day. I had no idea. You crack me up!

Little sister said...

Haha. That's hilarious.

Daniel and Elise said...

That is hilarious! And the fact that his name is Nacho makes it so much better :) I hope your lip heals and, for the record, I've never ever noticed any hair on your face :)