...Why Being Me Can Be So Difficult...
Once upon a time I worked with a kid who thought he was in love with me. He wasn't, he just thought he was. It worked to my benefit for a while because when he would come back from lunch he usually brought me a treat of some sort...never mind the fact that I was his boss and that I was old enough to be his mother...almost.
One day he said to me, "You know, you have more hair on your lip than I do."
And there I sat, in stunned silence...thinking 'did you really just say that to me?' I looked in the mirror as soon as I could and then spent the next day asking everyone I knew: "Do I really have a lot of hair above my lip?"
They all told me no. And that I was being ridiculous. And that I needed to stop worrying about it.
I didn't stop worrying about it...I worried myself right to the store and bought some hair removal cream.
...and burned myself with the first use of it. I guess I left it on too long.
I wish I could say I stopped the nonsense then...but I didn't. I continued to use that cream every month or so...and nearly every time I used it I burned my face. One time I burned it so badly it scabbed. (I know, I know, will I never learn.)
I gave up on the cream and went for the wax option. (Keep in mind...you really can't see anything unless you have a magnifying glass...but Nacho said...yes that's his name...I know, I know...when do you ever take a guy named Nacho seriously?!!)
Anyway...back to the sad story.
There is something sadistically soothing about hot wax...and I didn't mind using it...until the time it didn't work like it should and I was left with a sticky upper lip...and the little blue bottle of wax remover was nowhere to be found...and Jason was going to be there in an hour...and good grief, I couldn't kiss him with a sticky upper lip.
You don't want to know what I used to try and remove that wax. Well, maybe you do, but I don't want to tell you. By the time the wax was off, my face looked like it did when I burned it with the cream.
And with that I gave up altogether. I decided to trust in my sisters and believe them when they told me that I was being ridiculous...and I did...until today.
I looked in the mirror and heard these words: "You have more hair on your lip than I do..." and I panicked because...well...because I'm getting married in 2 days and a little bit of panic is to be expected...is it not?
I couldn't use the wax...I was afraid of the sticky residue...and with Jason coming today...
I pulled out the hair remover cream and thought 'you can do this...it will be just fine.'
A few hours later I was shopping with my mom. I had just walked out of the dressing room wearing a beautiful dress and my mom said, "I hope you feel like a princess because you look like one...but...Noelle, what did you do to your face? Is it burned? How did you burn it?"
And I couldn't lie because she's the mom and no matter how old I get I can't lie to the mom and when I told her she smacked me on the arm and rolled her eyes. In her head I'm sure she was saying 'my daughter is so dumb...how did she get to be 34 and be so dumb? she's getting married in 2 days for heaven's sake.'
All I can say is if Nacho were still working for me I'd fire him today.