Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Singing The Blues

Just between you and me and the computer screen, I've been feeling a little blue. Blue enough that I have been clenching my teeth at night. I don't dare go to the dentist for fear of how he's going to give me his 'Don't Clench Your Teeth' lecture. Have you had that lecture? It's not pleasant!

There are lots of things that make me feel less blue:

-Jason's done traveling for a while
-He agreed to kill all the spiders and wash the windows that I can't reach
-We had a delightful game of volleyball last night with aunts, and uncles, and cousins...oh my...
-My lovely niece Gabi (who is 6) came up to me and kissed me on the forehead and then continued to play with her cousins

See...lots of non-blue things.

But can I tell you one of the two things that's making me blue? Please? I might feel better.

The night before I left for girls camp I got this email:

Dear Noelle,
Just thought I'd send a quick note....sorry we didn't get a chance to get together before I left for AZ. I survived my trip to Israel (even the wheel chair ride through the New York airport) and even managed to bring you back a scarf. Well, I'm currently in AZ and don't exactly know when I'll be coming back to UT. I have some sad news to share. It appears as though Glena's cancer has returned and she has been diagnosed as stage 4 breast cancer carcinoma. We are still waiting for biopsies to be done and many more tests, but realistically this could mean that she has less than a year to live. I want to spend as much time with my sister as I can. It looks like we may be going to Disneyland next week before Glena once again begins chemo sessions on July 6. Note: we are going to Disneyland for the kids, but I hope to make great memories as well. My sister has a list of things she needs to accomplish and I will be helping her with it (baby books for each kid, birthday cards til they're 21, letters, etc.). I just read through what I typed and I realize it sounds very cut and dry, but if I let my emotions get in the way, I will absolutely lose it. I just wanted to make you aware of the situation and ask you to pray for both of us. Thank you!

Love,
Laura

That's reason enough to be blue right?

I talked to Laura last night...they found out it's not breast cancer after all, but another kind of cancer with a really long name. A kind of cancer that has produced 5 tumors so far...tumors that are attacking her sister's organs...a kind of cancer that may give a much worse prognosis than a year.

They left for Disneyland this morning and will enjoy a few days of normalcy before the final test results are back and their hell begins.

You'd think the cancer alone would be bad enough...

Several years ago Laura's mom was diagnosed with rapid onset Alzheimer's. Laura's going to lose her mom to Alzheimer's and her best friend/sister to cancer, and that thought nearly made me have a panic attack the other night. (Because if there's one thing I'm good at it's mourning with those that mourn.)

I tried to push all of my emotion aside the morning I arrived at camp, but all week long the emotion was there...seeping it's way through the cracks. And I thought about these young girls and what awful things they would have to face in their lives. Because if there is one thing that is sure, it's that we're all going to have to deal with things that are going to hurt and leave some scars.

Friday night we had what we call a testimony meeting...a chance for the girls to share their thoughts and feelings. When it was my turn I told the girls Laura's story, and then I told them that I had only one wish for them: that they could develop a very real and personal relationship with their Heavenly Father. Because by turning to God, we can be healed from our hurts and sorrows...that's the other sure thing in life.

I don't know if the girls listened...but I hope they did.

Have I made all of you blue now too?

On the chance that I have, I'll end by giving another list of things that are non-blue:

-homemade popsicles
-waking up with no dizziness
-Dad drawing me a picture to post on my blog (oh the things you have to look forward to!)
-getting a wedding gift of $ three and a half months after the fact
-Jason

12 comments:

Meghan said...

That is so sad. I could not even imagine having to write birthday cards to my kids knowing I wouldn't be there to give them to them. I hope you aren't blue too long and you are able to focus on the happy things! I love love love your blog!

Baby Sister said...

I hope they listened too.

Dominguez Family said...

Seriously! You need to put a warning for people that are similar to you when it comes to pain and mourning.

Heather said...

I am sure her kids will greatly appreciate that birthday cards, but that just takes my breath away - in a sad way.
I pray the family is comforted as much as possible. (And you too.)

Tiffany said...

I can't imagine how much harder living my life would be without the knowledge I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What a comfort.

I hope the girls will remember.

Thank heaven for Gabi's kiss and run.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Aw Noelle! Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted my sweet sister! I pray that the Lord would make Himself real and close to you as your support your friend, in love and prayer, through the difficult journey she has ahead of her! I will pray for her sister's healing but we well know that sometimes those prayers are answered differently than we would hope. So I will also pray that she would know Jesus in a very real and personal way and be prepared for her journey home whenever that might come!

Love you, sweet girl!

Feeling Just Right said...

Okay, too much reason to be blue. Let me give you a tight hug. I am so glad you could tell. (I feel sorry there is a second reason too. Hope it is temporary.)

Laura is an amazing sister. I am praying to God to give her strength, courage, time to cry, time to laugh, time to prepare herself, time to create beautiful memories.

Glena- I love that this girl has this drive to go through her bucket-list. She will make Laura stronger.

Don't be blue, Noelle. Didn't you tell me that we meet our people again when we die?

When nice people like Laura and you pray, good things happen. Only good things happen.

Deidra Faith said...

It did make me a little blue...but at the same time, I'm reminded of what an amazing God we have. And how even though tomorrow isn't promised to us, we can live eternally with Him. I will definitely be praying though. I can't imagine what they must be going through.

Lalis said...

Isn't the Gospel of Jesus Christ just wonderful? I'm glad you realize you have a Heavenly Father who loves you, and who loves your friend and her sister. Being close to our God doesn't take away the trials... It simply makes us strong enough go through them. Or to help others go through them. You have plenty of reasons to be blue, but thank goodness for an eternal perspective! Illness is just a thing we suffer through on this earth.

Jamie said...

I am sorry for your friend Laura, I cannot imagine what she is going through.
Being blue is not horrible...but could you just be a shade of blue, like Periwinkle...that is a happy sounding blue!
Love you!!!

Amy said...

Can you hope I learn that too? Because I like to think your hopes come true.

jayayceeblog said...

It is heartbreakingly sad to go through what they're going through. I'm glad that they're planning ahead to things that will have wonderful meaning for the kids and that they're having some fun time together at Disneyland now. If there is a lesson in this for all of us, it's that there is always someone out there going through something that we're glad we're not. And we should stop and appreciate what we have today. And kiss our kids and enjoy our families! Thanks for sharing your blues.