I love comments. It's true. Nothing makes me laugh harder than the comments I get. Like this one from yesterday's post:
Lord Have Mercy, Noelle! I keep thinking you're pregnant .... so that better be one gorgeous hair do! And then I thought you were losing weight and were excited by 195 but ... why would you want to be at 200? I get it ... followers!
Somebody give the girl a baby and 5 more followers already! LOL!
Beth dear, if it makes you feel any better, my husband thought I was pregnant too...and he knew better than to think that!
I'm going to be serious in this post.
Yes I am. Really.
It's because I've had something on my mind...something that I want the world to know...and YOU, blogging friends, are my world.
But wait...something not serious. Jason loves The Simpsons. I hate it. However, I'm sitting in bed using his laptop, and I told him he could watch it because I'm busy focusing on my serious post. Dang me...I just laughed at something one of the Simpsons said. I'm never going to hear the end of it.
Now...back to the serious post.
A year ago at this time I was in the process of ending a year and a half relationship...a relationship that from the beginning was flawed...a relationship I knew would end badly. I stayed because I felt that I needed to. Maybe it was for me, maybe it was for him, maybe it was for both of us...I'll never know entirely.
I cried more in that year and a half than I have my entire life. I was hurt more in that year and a half than I've ever been hurt. I learned more about myself than I would have in any other way.
I didn't say much about it on my blog...only alluded to being hurt. I couldn't write about it. I didn't want to write about it. And to those I was closest to I tried to explain it. It wasn't that I was hurt that the relationship ended...as I said previously, I knew it would. What hurt was the way it ended...the way he treated me...the way he acted as if I had never been more to him than a passerby. And for months after I felt as if I were living in a never-ending nightmare, and I couldn't wake up entirely. I worried that my heart would never recover.
It did recover. Because of Jason. I was scared...to say the least. What if he treated me the same way? What if I loved him more than he loved me? For a time I kept a part of my heart guarded...I couldn't go through the hurt again.
Yesterday Jason asked me, "Are you happy?" and I told him I was. He said, "That's all I want in my life. For you to be happy." It was then that I realized that Jason has filled every crack in my heart...and he's filled them to overflowing.