Sunday, September 19, 2010

Jell-O and a Linebacker

Jason laughs at me at least 7 times a day.
7 times a day when I'm NOT trying to be funny.
Don't you think that's rude?

I was in charge of Jell-O for our Sunday dinner.
I've been in charge of the green salad for the last 13 meals - I was ready for a change.
Jason said he wanted orange Jell-O with mandarin oranges and extra creamy Cool Whip.
We bought the orange Jell-O and the Cool Whip.
I knew we had mandarin oranges at home.

I got up early this morning to make the Jell-O and quickly discovered a problem.
The cans of mandarin oranges were busy.
They were being used for something far more important than Jell-O.

Those four blocks that spell out home?  Each one of them is resting comfortably on a can of mandarin oranges.
I looked at the blocks and down at the Jell-O and then back to the blocks and made a decision.
I finished making the Jell-O and went upstairs to get ready for church.
As we were walking to church I casually mentioned to Jason, "Honey, I didn't put mandarin oranges in the Jell-O.  Sorry."

Yesterday we headed to the lovely mountain resort town of Park City.  I was in search of a pair of jeans.
(No thanks to all 26 of you who commented on my Friday post.  Did you miss the part where I said, "For the love of Walley, tell the girl where she can find a pair of jeans?")
I'm not upset or anything.
We spent 5 hours shopping in the outlets there, with a small break for dinner.
(5 hours = one amazing husband)
I found a pair of jeans.
As I stepped out of the dressing room I said to the girl who had been helping me, "Where's my husband?"
She pointed him out on the other side of the store.
"Did you need him?" she asked.
"I need him to tell me I look good in these jeans," I said with a smile.
He said I looked hot so I bought them.

We walked out of the store and nearly ran into some women walking toward us.
I looked at them and then looked at Jason and said, "Seriously?"
I'm all for freedom of expression in how a person dresses, to a point.
One of the women - she was way beyond that point.
She looked like she could have been a linebacker in her younger years.
She was wearing a strapless sundress that was much shorter in the front than it was in the back, due to her linebacker size and all.
Jason looked at the woman I was referring to and said, "He's a man."
"No way," is what I said.
"I'm positive he's a man.  Look at his back, and his legs.  There is not a woman alive who is built like that."
I looked again and took Jason's hand and turned him around so that we were following Ms. Linebacker and her/his date.
We followed them right into Old Navy and into the women's clothing section.
I got a close-up of Ms. Linebacker.
She/He had shoulder length red hair that had been curled under, acrylic nails that had been painted a sparkly purple, and makeup...lots of makeup.
I followed her/him around the store for a few minutes and finally concluded that Jason was right.  He was a man.
I suggested that Jason do the right thing and tell Ms. Linebacker that he didn't look great in that dress...he would be doing Ms. Linebacker a huge favor.  I even thought that I could help him out - show him some dresses that might better flatter his figure -
When it came right down to it neither one of us wanted to risk offending Ms. Linebacker.  He could have squashed us flat.

Look at me...I've become all sorts of wordy with this post.
Let me tell you one last little thing.
My sister was playing her new piano yesterday when her 5-year-old daughter came into the room to listen.
"Mommy, when I play the piano I make noise.  When you play the piano you make color."
I loved that.


Baby Sister said...

Thanks for not getting squished by Mr. Linebacker. I'd prefer to keep you around unsquished.

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

I imagined you running around following someone like that! Noelle, you're crazy, in a cute way!!

Yayyyyyyy for new jeans! Worthy of celebration that!!! Will you believe, I am STILL waiting to fit mine-- what is it now? A year since I last wore jeans? Cry.

Jessica said...

Now that I work in Seattle I've seen far more manly looking women than I ever have .. and I still question if I'm right.

Pearl said...

That post was like a vacation.



Jason said...

You truly have a gift for being wordy! I loved this post...I was crying from laughter (does that make number 8?)! It made the time we spent together even better. I love you...


Kristin said...

This post is why I keep reading...I would be laughing out loud if I wasn't at work, so for now I'm hysterical on the inside!!

Love the mandarin oranges story especially - priceless!

Bossy Betty said...

Finally, a great use for mandarin oranges! Hilarious post!

powdergirl said...

Hi, I've never been here before, but saw a comment of yours over at Pearl's and I thought it was nice, so I clicked you and lo and behold, "Nice Matters". Yes it does!

Your niece's line is priceless : )

Heather said...

Where are the jeans??? I need more info? What if I wanted a cute pair of jeans?
That is so funny you followed him/her...and even thought of fashion tips.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I have discovered that one of the reasons I wish to no longer have to shop in Plus Size stores is that they are a haven for transvestites! YUCK! I never knew they liked Old Navy too!

jayayceeblog said...

Kids say the best things ... You Make Color ... that's awesome! The next worst thing to swimsuit shopping is jeans shopping. Glad you found some you like that your Hubby deems hot. The linebacker shopping in the women's section is extremely creepy!