Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Stomach and I are Having a Conversation

"Why do you hate me?" is what I asked.
"I don't hate you," my stomach replied.
"Then can you please tell me why you're causing me so much pain?"
"Maybe it's because of what you eat," my stomach said with an air of haughtiness.
"What?  You don't like that I mostly cut sugar out of my diet?  You don't like that I'm giving you more servings of fruits and vegetables?  You don't like that I drink water with lemon in it?"
"Maybe I don't like the mango and peach salsa you ate for dinner last night."
"And maybe I think you're retarded," is what I wanted to say.
But it's a conversation with my stomach...I don't think it would get me very far.

I have a question...
...a very serious question...unlike yesterday's not so serious question.
Is it worth getting to see Derek Morgan aka. Shemar Moore once a week for an hour?  (If you don't watch Criminal Minds you won't understand.  Maybe when you're older we can talk about it.)  Is it really worth the bad dreams you might have after every episode?
Tonight I won't have bad dreams seeing as how my DVR quit on me, thanks to Comcast who is doing some kind of internal upgrade...whatever... and so I didn't see the ending.
But like I was it worth it?

And that brings me to this sad realization that I had tonight while I was talking to my stomach:
I work with morons.
(I'll bet you can't see the connection.  Don't worry, it's my head that might need to be examined.)
As I was saying, I work with morons.
And I can't even blog about said morons...not really...because most of the people I work with are family.  And if they're not family, someone they're related to probably reads my blog and so with my luck I'll have a co-worker approach me and say, "My aunt's sister's best friend who reads your blog said you wrote about me and now my feelings are hurt and I'm going to claim workers comp for the emotional damages you've caused, and I'm going to quit and then collect unemployment too.  So there."
Do you see how I'm faced with an impossible dilemma?

I'm just going to tell you one little thing and then you and I will go forward with a silent understanding: Noelle doesn't always love her job, but she can't talk about it or she might get sued by someone who may or may not be family.  (Actually, it if is family they'll know better than to sue...because who wants an old, rusty tractor as payment for emotional damages?)

I work with someone who isn't very good at accepting that he or she might have made a mistake.  In fact, this person does a really great job of shifting the responsibility.  An example might be in order:

A customer came in the other day to pay a bill.
"Hey you doin'?" (Imagine that said with the best cowboy accent I can muster.)
"I'm fine thank you."
"Hey No-Welle, I need to pay mah (my) bill.  Can you tell me what the total is?"
"I don't show that you have a balance owing."
"Oh, Ah (I) do.  Ah came in yesturdee and ________ gave me a copy of the invoice."
And so I make a call and ask my co-worker, "Where is J's invoice?"
"I gave it to you," was my co-workers response.
"I don't have it.  I haven't seen it."
As the co-worker is going through the paperwork on his or her desk the co-worker says to me, "I don't have it.  I'm sure I gave it to you."
I had an edge to my voice when I said, "We are NOT playing this game again.  Just because you can't find it doesn't mean that I am responsible for it being lost."
"It's okay No-Welle, I have mah (my) copy of the invoice raight (right) here."
And so the customer pays his bill and after giving me his very strong political opinion, the customer leaves. (For the record, I really like this customer.  He always brightens my day.)

This afternoon the same co-worker came into my office with a slight grin on his or her face and said, "I found the invoice."  Of course you did. "But it wasn't on my desk.  It was on someone else's desk."  Of course it was.  "And I didn't put it there."  Of course you didn't.  And for all of my subtlety, it will be my luck that today is the day my co-worker decides to check my blog.  If you read about a certain business going under because of charges of slander, you'll know why.

And for the other record, this example was NOT Baby Sister, who is exempt from the moron category, because she brings me food, and water, and sometimes even an apple flavored Hostess fruit pie.  (Think she'll catch the hint with that last one?)

To re-cap:

Dear Stomach, I hate you.
Dear Derek Morgan, can you have one happy, light, I want to skip through a field of flowers episode?  Or at least make it up to Garcia?  (Maybe you did...but I wouldn't know...grrr...)
Dear Co-Workers, I love you...really...but sometimes not so much.
Dear Baby Sister, you're a star.
Dear Blog Friends, tomorrow's Crayola Goodness will be all about the romantic ride Jason and I are going to take tonight on the ski-lift at Sundance Ski Resort, because it is a full moon after all.
Dear Stomach, I'm serious.


adrienzgirl said...

I love the inside of your mind. It feels all comfortable to me. Like home. Is that weird? Yes?

Ok...backing away in the most non creepy way possible.

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

You're AWAKE past 12! In my head, you're like Cinderella who needs to go to bed by 12. Stomach must be a real pain!

Is it worth watching this guy? Frankly, he's surely entertaining. Care to watch the end of the show on the internet. Stomach might feel better then.

Co-worker must read your blog today. He/she will love that you cared about their feelings while writing this despite the irritation. :) Baby Sister gets brownie points for all the good work! Pat on the back to the little star!

Go drink tonnes of water.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

crummy coworkers are probably what's upsetting your stomach. It's stress, not salsa.

Sam said...


As you may know from my alternative blog, I 100-million.5 percent feel your employee non-love. It would be swell if your employee, and my bird would start to take some responsibility for themselves.

Aww, I'm sure Baby Sister will get the hint ... it was very specific. ;)

And that is SO cool that you get to ride on the ski lifts. I'm jealous. However not of the relationship problems you're experience with your stomach.. ouch. Literally.

Sandra said...

Miss my weekly appointments with Derek Morgan. But I think I am going to be able to start them again now that the book learnen' part is over.

Sorry about your stomach- check the gluten content of what you are eating. More and more people are having this issue.

Love that baby sister.

Heather said...

You are so tough! I cannot watch Criminal Minds even for a minute. The Coach loves that show, but not me.

Tell your stomach and the moron not to make me come over there!!

Have a great day.

singedwingangel said...

OH girl I have had it bad for Shemar Moore since seeing him in Diary of a Mad black woman.. ummm yeah... that line.. I find myself praying for you more then I pray for myself, when you smile my whole world is right.. Yeah I want that man..

Dazee Dreamer said...

Considering the fact that me and Derek Morgan are like this (crossing fingers). He was super hot last night. And yes he made up to "baby girl". And the ending was sooooo freaking sweet. breathing, breathing, I love that man.

I understand working with not so smart people. I get to the point where I don't care anymore if I blog about them.

My stomach must have been sending you a long distance email, because it was sure having a conversation with someone while I was in the shower this morning. :)

Tiff said...

I had the same discussion with Cory about Criminal Minds. I did see the ending and he did make up with Garcia. I love that show...but it's scary and dark and stuff. And Derek...ahhh. Lovely Derek. ;)

Good luck with that decision!

Baby Sister said...

I was all prepared to leave a comment that went something like this: "*sigh* I'm sorry I'm such a moron...I'll work on it..."
But you gave me warm fuzzies cause you said I wasn't...and maybe that's just cause you know I read your blog, but that's okay. I'll take it!!

p.s. hint received. :)

Dominguez Family said...

I had to stop watching Criminal Minds long ago. It caused too many bad dreams and I couldn't shake it fast enough. I loved it, but it was too much for me.

David and Tami B said...

Tell Travis I said to shape up. :D

Feel better soon - we are doing with recalcitrant stomachs also.

Kristin said...

I <3 Derek Morgan! :) But alas, i too had to stop watching because it just upset me too much. i try every once in a while, but it's hard. But now I want to know what happened between Derek and Garcia!!!! So I might have to watch...

Hope your tummies feeling better!

Joann Mannix said...

My stomach and I aren't friends sometimes, too.

And one of my biggest pet peeves, I mean, HUGE, as big as gum snappers, are people who refuse to own up when they need to. Sadly, I have people in my life, not my family but dear friends, who do this constantly and it drives me to utter distraction!

I do not know of these tv people you speak, but I am a tv moron, watching so little of it.

And oh, I cannot WAIT to hear about this fabulous date. Have so much fun with your handsome spy husband.

Kristie said...

I just Googled Derek Morgan. How have we not talked about him before now? Humma Humma!!!

Have fun tonight! & do you think Baby Sister remembers where I live?

Jason said...

To be married to such a talented woman is what every boy dreams of! I loved it and thought it was very diplomatic and to-the-point. If I was the 'moron' I would have realized my mistake and tried to do better. I can't help but think there may be a similar post in my future...

I always brighten my day :)!

Jared said...

I love being a moron! Less responsibility that way

Cheeseboy said...

Well, I suppose I could have just read the recap - the way we did in high school when we were reading history text book chapters. But I am glad I read the whole thing. Makes me appreciate the fact that there are others that work with morons too.

If I had a retarded stomach, I think I'd try and get a stomach transplant.

Julie said...

I love the way you talked about your favorite customer, I love the accent, I can hear it in your words. Love it.
I'm sorry about work but that happens just about everywhere, someone just won't take responsibility and it's so nerve racking. I hope tomorrow is better.
Tell dear stomach to settle down. Mine has been talking to me too and it's not in a nice way either. can't seem to please it right now. Tell it to get happy or your going to fast for 3 days and that'll teach it a lesson. :o)
Take care and have a blessed night sleep and a terrific day tomorrow.

Julie said...

I love the way you talked about your favorite customer, I love the accent, I can hear it in your words. Love it.
I'm sorry about work but that happens just about everywhere, someone just won't take responsibility and it's so nerve racking. I hope tomorrow is better.
Tell dear stomach to settle down. Mine has been talking to me too and it's not in a nice way either. can't seem to please it right now. Tell it to get happy or your going to fast for 3 days and that'll teach it a lesson. :o)
Take care and have a blessed night sleep and a terrific day tomorrow.

*~Petra~* said...

Ok, I am a total criminal minds addict... :) Love, love, love it.

Also, I love mango peach salsa... especially the big one from Sams club!

Your posts are so darling. :)

jayayceeblog said...

It doesn't matter where you work, what you do or who you work with. Unfortunately, there are always morons to deal with. We were out of town when the season opener of Criminal Minds aired and for some reason our DVR didn't tape it. I am so sad. Will have to try to watch it on the computer.