Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Anyone Want To Do My Hair?

My neighbors have a pet pig.
It's an indoor pig.
They take it for walks around the block.
Just thought I'd share.

By the time my mom was my age she had been married for over ten years and had 7 kids.
She and my dad had purchased their first home, and sold it, and were well into placing roots into their second home and neighborhood.
She had mastered the arts of cooking, and baking homemade bread, and sewing clothes for her children, and canning peaches and pears, and making her last dollar stretch until the next paycheck which was a week away.
By the time my mom was my age she had earned the titles of woman and adult.

I look at my life up to this point and sometimes wonder what it will take for me to feel like I've earned the titles of woman and adult.
Because mostly I still feel like a kid.
When I'm sick and heaving over a garbage can I still want my mom.
I see my family every day of my life and yet there are moments when I feel homesick.
When I'm sad and lonely I still wrap up in the blanket my grandma made me 30 years ago.
When I toss and turn in bed I wonder where my teddy bear is.
When people are jerks I want for my dad to beat them up.
And when I refer to myself, I always use the world girl.

I've had moments of adultness -
I moved away from home, to a foreign country.
I taught myself to speak a foreign language.
I bought a house.
I took care of a dying grandpa.
I teach classes.
I got married.
I do laundry and even iron.
I know the difference between north, south, east, and west.
I can balance a checkbook.
I have many, many stamps in my passport.
I've built amazing friendships.  (Although, I heard from two of my friends today that I'm a lousy friend now that I'm married, and when I whined about it to my best friend, she agreed!  Not to worry, I still love her...it's the other friends I'm not so sure about.  BUT...I'm not going there, because then I'll have yet another emotional breakdown, and Jason doesn't need that.)

Where was I?

Each of these moments of adultness is pushing me towards that moment when I'll be able to say with confidence that I'm a woman of accomplishment.

But there's one thing that's going to push me over that girl to woman edge faster than anything else...

I'm going gray.  Every day I find more and more gray hair...and if I keep pulling it out I'll be bald by next summer at two o' clock...but maybe it will be worth it if I feel that I can finally play with the big kids.

And now that I've burdened all of you with my heavy burden, I'm going to take myself and my grandma's blanket to bed.

20 comments:

Courtney said...

awww! grey hairs are nothing!
(not that i have any, but you know what! i will!)
and i totally get it - i still feel like i'm a kid all the time.
but, i don't really care to grow up?
where's the fun in that?

singedwingangel said...

Sweetie we all have those moments of childhood regardless of how old we become. My mom is 72 and she still has snippets of a little girl in her.

Dazee Dreamer said...

join the grey club. why do you think I have gone with the lovely shade of red? of which I really need to go get done again because, I'm freaking grey on the roots.

To your friends that think you are no fun since you got married. Well, heck, you are a married woman, life is not going to be like it was in high school or when you were single. mean girls. don't upset my Noelle. (that was the wicked stepsister talking, sometimes she takes control)

Cox Family said...

When Rob and I got married, Rob's friend said, "Now that Rob is married, I hope to see more of him." Like that was possible. It doesn't make you a bad friend, just a good wife.

Baby Sister said...

You should feel homesick. We don't see each other enough. :)

Gene and Sheri Family said...

I just LOVE your blog...you make me laugh...and everyone should laugh at least once a day...right?! :) Thanks for sharing your life with strangers.

PS I'm Natalie Harris's lil sister...well I'm her 40 yr old lil sister...amd I happened upon your blog...whilst on her blog..no wonder she loves you so much!

Kristin said...

I own a home and I'm a mom, yet I sometimes still wonder when I'm really going to feel like a grown-up!

Heather said...

Gray hairs are the devil. They are the bane of my existence!! Wage War!!

I used to totally tick my husband off when I would say, "When I grow up.........." He continually reminded me I WAS GROWN!

I think if some one is bothering you, your dad should totally beat them up! Seems fair.

Judie said...

All women feel the way you do at some point! And why not? There are times when we all want things to be a little easier for us!

I miss Rod's mum something fierce! She was such a comfort to me. When she was still alive, she missed her mum, and her childhood.

Don't you dare have an emotional breakdown! I will be very sad if you do!

What can we do to help?

Beth Zimmerman said...

Darlin,
When you have those days ... remind yourself that God cherishes your childlike spirit! Because He does!

"Let the children alone, don't prevent them from coming to me. God's kingdom is made up of people like these." (Matt 19:14)

Kristie said...

Stupid stupid boys!

Not the husbands..the friends

Hope I'm not the friend you think agreed. If so, I need to refine my email skills.

<3 ya!

Panda said...

I sometimes (ok often) feel that i am not a woman or adult. My BF caught me the other day and said your a woman not a girl. it was really sweet.
Hope you have a better day. sounds like your missing something and you are not quite sure what it is. mine is a family of my own. then i will feel like a woman.

Tiffany said...

I remember when I was a new nurse and felt so young and inexperienced... I wanted a few gray hairs to show I was old enough to know what I was doing. I finally got em! I lived with them proudly until people kept telling me I was gray (as if I didn't know) I caved and dyed it and now am wondering what my exit strategy from dying my hair will be.

I still walk past the mirror and wonder when I went from 22 to 45? It happened so fast!!!

I think you are a beautiful,grown up, accomplished woman. Love yourself! ...and be a girl whenever you want to :)

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

Pet pig is the highlight of the day!!! You just need to give us a video!

I love you for all that you have made out of yourself. Tight hug. Will you have some of your rainbow sherbet for me? Sit with the blanket eat some cheese and take a nap.

p.s. you know that I think you're very beautiful, don't you???

annie valentine said...

Um, can I cut and paste this for my birthday post? Thanks for the kind words and some excellent reading material.

Amy said...

I want to hear more about the stamps in your passport! Where have you been?

Cheeseboy said...

There is an old wives tale that if you have a pig in the house, it will stop your hair from going gray.

I think women of accomplishment have gray hair. Just look at Murphy Brown or that Judge Judy lady.

Jami said...

I have a hard time with "woman" sometimes. I say "gal" alot, which even sounds weird to me, but it is easier...

I haven't read your last post yet because I am out of popcorn, but you know I'll be back. :)

jayayceeblog said...

I started going gray at 27. Oh well. Hair color is a fabulous invention. I loved your comment about being homesick even when you frequently see your family. I think we're always homesick for the happy times, the special times, and feeling like a kid with parents to take care of us. I'm a grandmother and I still get that homesick feeling. I'm guessing it never really goes away! =)

Elizabeth said...

I'm two years older than you (almost three) and I still don't feel like a grown-up either. I'm still just a kid in my head, even though I've been married for almost 14 years and have two kids. I still feel like a kid myself and I could really use my mommy a lot lately. It would be nice to have someone else be in charge for a while.

xo -El