Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Do You Miss Me When I Don't Post?

Whenever my niece Trouble sees me she says, "Noelle, you still have a haircut?"

* * * * * * *

I have a million and seven things going through my mind and I've been trying to decide all morning which one of those things was going to make it to the blog.

Here's one: did you all know that Baby Sister is my real life baby sister?  Cheeseboy didn't know.  I don't know how that's possible. 

Here's another: I might get a new phone today.  My reason would NOT be that I need a new phone.  It would simply be that my sister, my brother, a co-worker, and my husband have all gotten new phones in the last week, and I want to be part of the new phone club. 

And because I know you will ask: the doctor did NOT make me throw up yesterday.  I was dizzy...boy howdy was I dizzy...but I did not throw up.  In fact, at the end of the tests I reassured the nurse that I would not say one mean thing about her on my blog.  After two hours of testing I know one thing for sure.  My right inner ear is significantly weaker than my left.  I don't know why and I don't know if it can be fixed.  I have one more test to go through, and then an appointment with the doctor to go over the test results. 

Of the million and seven things going through my mind I can't think of a single one that would make you laugh.  Tragic isn't it? 

I've had a headache now for about a week.  A persistent, never-ending, makes me want to cry and yell at the same time, headache.  A headache that will ease for a few hours when I take an Excedrin Migraine pill, but that will always comes back.  Jason informed me last night that my headaches are because of him.  "You never had headaches before we got married did you?"  He's right.  I didn't.  I have never had headaches like this until last week.  He thinks stress makes the headaches worse and that he's the sure cause of that stress.

Here's what I have to say about that.

The guy I dated before I met Jason was a jerk.  A world-class, first rate jerk.  I dated him anyway.  (I had my reasons...and I feel like it was an experience I needed to go through so don't feel too bad for me.)  It was several months after the relationship ended before I learned the true extent of the man's character and I was grateful to be out of his life.

There is a man in our neighborhood who reminds me of the guy I dated...except that he's the exact opposite.  He's kind and honest and he has a good heart, and he's someone I really admire and respect.  And when I have any kind of interaction with him I think of the other guy...and think of the person he could be if he had made different choices.

I'll be honest here and admit that there have been a few times recently while I have been super sick that I have thought of the guy I dated.  I have wondered how he would have treated me throughout this experience, and I wonder if he would have taken care of me.  I know the answer to those questions.  And the answer makes me love and appreciate my husband so much more.

I have these moments where I am overwhelmed at my life - in a good way.  Last night I looked at Jason and had several immediate thoughts: my husband is so good looking, I don't know what I did to deserve him, and I get to be with him forever.  But then I had to sit down because my headache was about to knock me out.

Two nights ago it was my turn to say our nightly prayer.  I was asking God to bless the doctor who is treating me, and I was asking for strength to make it through the tests.  I started to cry and when I finished the prayer I put my head on my pillow and continued to cry.  Jason didn't say anything.  He just put his arm around me and held me close. 

He's not the cause of my headaches...he's the reason I have the strength to get through them.  And I love him.

(I promise that tomorrow's post will not have anything to do with my stupid health issues.)




18 comments:

Baby Sister said...

Or that it won't make me cry. Yay for Jason!!

Dear Cheeseboy,
You are very silly. :)

Love,

Baby Sister (aka Noelle's [aka Peach] baby sister)

Leslie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the health issues you are having to deal with. Whenever you describe some of your vertigo experiences I just feel terrible for you! But I'm amazed that you continue to keep going day to day and your positive attitude. You really inspire me. And you definitely deserve the awesome husband you have! He sounds perfect for you!

Kristin said...

I hope this is the beginning of the end of all of your awful headaches and dizziness. I love that you take turns saying nightly prayers. I think about my ex occasionally (he lives down the street from us) and each time I look at the man I love and I am even more grateful for him. :)

Joann Mannix said...

Oh My Noelle! I go away and come back and you are sick and crying and going to the doctor for tests! Oh no, this will not do! Not at all!

I am sending you big prayers that our Heavenly Father and your doctors will make your pain go away, right quick!

And that husband of yours is not only super handsome, he is a sweetheart. He certainly is not the cause of all of this.

And of course, Cheeseboy didn't realize you all were sisters. The man dives in dumpsters and such. Cheese! Get your head out of the trash, dude and just take a look at these lovely girls.

Seriously, Noelle, I am praying for you.

Dazee Dreamer said...

first of all. heck yes, I miss you terribly when you don't blog. Baby Sister did a good job for you tho.

second. Cheeseboy, ummm, how long have you been following this blog.

You are so lucky to have a great husband. I'm sorry you had to go through a big fat jerk to get to him, but you did good.

Keep us posted on the doctor stuff. You are in my prayers.

Elizabeth said...

Noelle, heath issues are OK to talk about on your blog. You're keeping it real.

Sorry about your headache. I've been there. It is miserable. Try ice cream. It always makes you feel better.

So glad you have Jason.

xo -El

Taylor said...

Sounds like you have a keeper there :)

I hope you are feeling better soon. I am sorry you are going through all that.

Taylor said...

Sounds like you have a keeper there :)

I hope you are feeling better soon. I am sorry you are going through all that.

Tortuga said...

God bless Jason.

I pray that God heals you Noelle, I am so sorry you are in such pain. I am so very thankful, however, that you have Jason to lean on and carry you while you are not well.

singedwingangel said...

Sweetie I think we all have to date our jerks before we find our prince charming. Simply because we have to know what BAD is before we can truly appreciate Good.
Praying for you and I really think you could benefit from the product I told you about. I could get you on some phone calls from actual users..
As far as the dizziness does it stop when you are in actual motion, like driving or riding. There was a show on Discovery Health about a woman who stayed dizzy , except when she was actually moving. There was an actual disorder.

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

To Dear Jason,

You are an absolute doll to take SUCH good care of this girl! (this made me cry. boohoo.)

To Dear Noelle,

Do you know that I love you? Good. :) Hugs and kisses.

Judie said...

You can tell him that you occasionally get a headache from thinking about all the wonderful things he is to you! That should make him feel good!

Venassa said...

I knew she was your sister! She is great.
I love Jason for being such a great husband. And it always helps to date a jerk to make you realize stuff like that.

Cheeseboy said...

Well, to be honest, I probably knew that she was your sister but just forgot or put it out of my mind.

Your husband sounds like a pretty patient and loving guy.

King of New York Hacks said...

Indeed, NICE MATTERS.

Julie said...

Don't feel to bad Cheeseboy, it took me until last month to figure it out. I don't even remember what made me think of it but I didn't catch on to fast either.
I'm sorry Noelle for your headaches. I too suffer from them but they found out my reason, I have a nerve behind my left eye that isn't connected, just sorta floats around and when it touches something I die. I know headaches and I'm sorry you're are so bad. I will pray that the doctor can fix yours and that you are healthy soon.
You have a great hubby, the perfect stand by you mama. Take care of him and let him take care of you. He's just right for you.
Take care Noelle and get better. God Bless!!!

jayayceeblog said...

Jason is the best husband in the world ... except for my Hubby. Hoping and praying for some relief for your headaches and dizziness!!!

Jami said...

awwwww....