Friday, April 15, 2011

I Love You Jason

Before I grounded myself from Google I read an article written by a doctor.
This doctor's biggest frustration in his 30 plus years of practicing medicine was the ultrasound.
More specifically, how as a result of the ultrasound, doctors filled their patients with fear...especially when dealing with Down's Syndrome. 
"We terrorize mothers-to-be because of 'indicators' that we see.  We tell them their baby has a chance of being born with Down's Syndrome.  They don't hear the word 'chance.'  They hear everything else.  And then spend the rest of their pregnancy living with a fear that is usually unfounded.  It's not right."

When my sister was pregnant with her fourth child, and only son, her doctor told her that he saw something wrong with Tyler's kidney.
Heather was sent to a perinatologist who confirmed that something was indeed wrong.
She too heard the worst case scenario...not once, but in every appointment she had with that doctor.
My sister got to the point where she wanted nothing to do with that doctor.
Not because of what the doctor said, but because of how she said it.
Heather's mind was put at ease when she met with her regular doctor who told her this.
"That perinatologist is new.  She's new to Utah, and she's fairly new to this field.  She's out to prove prove that she knows what she's doing.  I can guarantee that you will only hear the worst from her."
And then Heather's doctor told her not to worry.  He told her that her baby would be okay.
And Tyler was indeed okay.

When Jason got home from yet another business trip last night, he found me curled up in bed, with tears still wetting my face.
In a sad and weary voice I told him I was scared.  I told him I didn't want our baby girl to be born with Down's Syndrome.  And I told him that I felt guilty for feeling that way.
Jason's reaction was anger.  Not at me, but at the doctor.  The doctor who gave us the worst case scenario.  The same doctor who told my sister that her baby would be born with major health issues.  The same doctor who was absolutely wrong in her diagnosis of that little baby.
Somehow listening to Jason's anger made me feel better.
Listening to his opinion of the doctor's professionalism, or lack of, gave me strength.
Jason's frustration with the doctor doesn't change the possible outcome for Emily, but somehow it helps me hold on to that word 'chance.'
As Jason told me last night, "Our daughter has JUST AS MUCH A CHANCE of being born 'normal' as she does being born with problems.  Focus on that."

And then in a quiet voice he reassured me of something else.
"Do you know how many people are praying for our daughter."
"Do you know how much faith is being shown in her behalf?"
"God is bound to honor those prayers and that faith."
"God is still forming our baby girl, and if He wants her to be born healthy, she will be born healthy."
"And if she's not, there can be no doubt of what He wants for our daughter."

And then my husband looked at me and said, "Noelle, I believe that Emily will be healthy and strong.  Hold on to that.  And if I'm wrong, we'll deal with that when we need to."

I'm holding on tightly as I can.


Joann Mannix said...

I love you, girl.

Listen to that man. He is beyond wise.

Everything, no matter what the outcome, will be all right because God won't let you down. His plan for you is already mapped out.

I told you yesterday, too much information is a bad thing. And yes, diagnostic tests and over zealous doctors are oftentimes wrong.

And God works miracles every second of the day.

I'm praying for you, my girl.

Heather said...

Oh. I am so mad at that doctor. LIke pregnant women don't worry enough.
I am so glad you were able to find a voice of reason.

Bossy Betty said...

Oh Sugar. Everything will be as it was meant to be. Send Emily thoughts of love and peace. I am sending the same to you and Jason.

Cox Family said...

I love Jason too and we love you Noelle and are truly praying for little Emily.

Jessica said...

You've got a good one. I'd say he knows what he's talking about. Sending some more of those prayers right now...

Cheeseboy said...

I'm actually a little surprised that you went back to the same doctor as your sister had issues with.

We were told by our doctor that there could be issues too. Everything was fine. I bet way more people end up saying that than do not.

defining amy said...

this is absolutely beautiful. thank you for sharing. i'll be praying for emily too.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I think you have the best husband in the whole world. So good to you. So strong for you. And he is right. Tons of people are praying for you and her right now. I hope that you can find the peace in your soul that you need right now.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I love you, Noelle! And you definitely found a keeper in Jason! I'm praying for you guys and just today I asked those who read my blog to do likewise! You probably have no idea how much prayer is being offered for your precious baby girl! And her precious parents!

Venassa said...

I'm praying for you guys and Emily. Tyler was fine and I think Emily will be just fine too. I completely understand your fear though. Why do doctors put this fear in people.. can they prevent it from happening? Or is it just a way to make people worry over something that may not happen, but something that they couldn't change even if it did.

Diana said...

And Jason is right. Hold onto your faith and trust that God is still in control. You DO have a lot of people praying for you and your baby.

Nikki said...

He's amazing. As are you. This post brought tears to my eyes.

Sandra said...

Lucky, lucky little Emily to have a daddy that loves her so much AND is so wise. (and lucky to have a mommy that loves her so much and is willing to listen and learn and know and fear and all the other things we mommies do)

Shan said...

Heck now *I* love Jason (it's platonic, I assure you)!

Boo to doctors who didn't go into maternal medicine to help patients.

Elizabeth said...

What a huge stress at an already stressful time. Pregnancy should be filled with joy and only the normal amount of worry; not all this extra. Wish I could help to lighten your load.

xo -El

Vibha said...

That's my girl . See that is what I was saying in my last comment . Concentrate on the other 50 percent.

You are blessed with such a wonderful husband Noelle and you will be blessed again with a wonderful daughter who will be healthy and who will live a long and beautiful life , spreading happiness around .

Like I told you before I am concentrating on the other 50 percent chance of Emily being as healthy as any normal child . You listen to Jason girl and do just what I am doing .

Mary said...

Listen to him. It sounds like Jason is one smart guy. It sounds like he has the strength to pull you both through.

Love ya Noelle.

Brynn said...

Jason sounds like a great guy. Also, glad to hear you grounded yourself from Google. I was sure that Luke was going to be born with a flipper or something cause of googling my symptoms. Your Emily will come just as God wants her to. Try not to worry.

-stephanie- said...

I love Jason too, for being exactly the husband you need. Continued prayers for all of you.

Give Back Today said...

This made me cry. You have such a sweet sweet husband and so much support. I truly believe that thinking positive and living positive brings positive things to those people. My step mom was given 8 years to live and she is now on year 11! She has the most positive out look and lives each day to its fullest. I honestly believe her positive attitude helps heal her cancer and makes for a positive living. I know its hard and I am not in your shoes but there is something for being positive and you have a husband who will make sure its all okay for you and your little Emily.

Oh and good job for grounding yourself from google! The internet is CRAZY, stay away :)

Positive thoughts coming your way...


MamaMags said...

I spoke with Blaine and Kathy Thursday night, we are all praying for your family. Jason is right, many people are praying for you and baby Emily, even total strangers like me! I love Jason's wisdom, and thought process. God knows what he is doing sending Emily to your home. She is perfect in His eyes, and she will be in yours as well. Sending many virtual hugs to you!

jayayceeblog said...

Your husband is an amazing person. Not only is he cute, but he sounds extremely smart. Why else would you marry him??? Hang in there and think positive thoughts. Sending prayers your way!!!