I was brushing my teeth last night when Jason said to me, "I'm pretty sure you're using my toothbrush."
That's just the kind of day it was.
Thank you...all of you...for your comments and emails and texts, and love.
I am blessed by all of you.
Jason and I feel differently about how much to say, and who to say it to.
Because nothing is certain, and probably won't be until little Emily is born, Jason wants to keep what we know to ourselves. And I understand where he is coming from.
I want to share what I know with anyone who cares to listen...because it's by talking it out that I feel better.
It's by talking about it that I'm able to talk myself down off of the emotional cliff I find myself so often wandering towards.
Husband? I hope you won't mind terribly that I wrote this blog post.
We went into the appointment yesterday believing that our daughter had a small heart problem.
We left with the words 'termination, amniocentesis, serious heart defects, and markers for downs syndrome' repeating themselves over and over again in our minds.
As the doctor spoke to us I held Jason's hand and cried silent tears.
What we know is that Emily has 3 of the 'markers' for downs syndrome, 4 if you add my age into the mix.
We know that she may have some serious heart problems.
And we know that the doctor gave Emily a 50% chance of being born with downs syndrome.
The doctor gave us the option of terminating the pregnancy.
For us it wasn't an option.
The doctor gave us the option of having an amniocentesis done, but warned us of the risks in doing so.
Again, for us it wasn't an option.
Knowing or not knowing will not change the outcome.
We will welcome our little Emily with all of our hearts, regardless of the difficulties she might be born with.
The next four months are going to be long ones.
And I have no doubt that they are going to be filled with a lot of high emotions.
We have an appointment in two weeks with a cardiac specialist and until then I'm going to focus on the positive.
Friends, if there is one thing I want you to know about me, it's this:
I have absolute and complete trust in my Heavenly Father, and I believe that miracles happen.
I have total faith that God can heal our little one of her heart problems.
I have total faith that He is in charge of the outcome.
And if our little Emily is born into this world with challenges, I have the faith that God will qualify us. That He will be there to show us the best way to love and care for our daughter.
And one more thing?
I believe with all of my heart that children born with disabilities are God's most choice sons and daughters.
And I am humbled at the thought of being chosen to care for one of those daughters.
But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to cry once in a while.
I'm the mom and isn't that what moms do?