Tuesday, June 28, 2011

For Those Of You Who NEED To Know...with the sub-title 'Breathe Amy Breathe'

Let me give you some advice.
I'm hopeful that you won't need it.
If you are going to your local children's hospital for an appointment, and there's a chance your child will soon be a patient there, wear waterproof mascara.
I was fine through the ultrasound/echo cardiogram.
I was fine through the room full of doctors (3 of them...plus a social worker, and someone else) going over the results of the ultrasound.
I was fine when I was asked twice, "Are you sure you don't need a bathroom?"

I was NOT fine when we walked into the cardiac newborn intensive care unit.
I would have been...
If it weren't for the tiny little baby I saw...hooked up to a ventilator, with a million other little tubes all over his body.
He couldn't have been more than a week old.
I missed the entire speech our 'tour guide' gave us...I was too busy trying to control the tears.
In a few short weeks that would be my baby, hooked up to tubes...and the reality hit harder than I thought it would.

I broke down one other time.  It was when the tour guide took us across a bridge to the other hospital, where I'll deliver Emily.
It's a long walk from where I'll be to where my baby will be, soon after she's born.
And as the tour guide explained that due to my circumstances, I'll be in a room with a window connected to the NICU so that I can see my baby for as long as possible before they take her to the other hospital, the reality hit again.
I'm going to have a baby.
And that baby will be in another hospital.
And it will be 48 hours before I can spend any significant amount of time with Emily.

I made it to the car before I cried enough to have it be embarrassing.

And all of this came AFTER the visit with the cardiologist...where we got good news.
I'm thinking in the future they should do it the other way around.
Hit the soon to be first time mom with the hard stuff first, and then end her visit with the good news.

The good news?
There is blood flow through Emily's pulmonary artery...where there hasn't ever been signs of it before.
It's not a lot but it's there.
Blood flow means that she's on the mild end of the spectrum.
According to the cardiologist blood flow means that we got the 'good' heart condition.
Blood flow means that there's a small chance she won't need surgery right when she's born...although at this point that's not likely the case.

Prayers and faith = blood flow to Emily's arteries.
And all of you can take the credit for that.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart...which by the way, does have good blood flow.


Cox Family said...

I'm crying reading your post. We're so happy for the good news!

Jilly Bean said...

This news just literally MADE my day. I am SO happy for you!!

Amy said...

*exhale* Thank you my friend. :D I'm so glad to hear the good news, and so glad that you made it clear to your car "before it got embarrassing" because I'm confident I wouldn't have. You are strong, it's in little Emily's genetic makeup to be strong too. :)

Butterscotch Caramel said...

Dear Noelle:
Thank you for your example of hope and faith in your writings. They truly inspire me.

Laurie McEwan

Beth Zimmerman said...

Prayers, both thanksgiving and petition, continue from all corners! You, and Emily, are much loved!

Julie said...

Prayers will continue for a very long time Noelle. For you, for your hubby and baby Emily.
Take care Noelle. God bless you and your family.

Leslie said...

This makes my heat ache for you to read this. But I am so glad there is some ggod news with the blood flow. Know that ive been praying for you two and your baby and will continue to

Heather said...

Let's hear it for blood flow!! Yeah Emily!!
That neo natal intensive care would be hard to take even if there weren't plans in the works for your baby.
Even if you weren't a hormonal mess!! (I lovely hormonal mess though!)

TortugaRachel said...

That is not good news, that is SPECTACULAR news! I am so doing the happy dance for you right now!

Do you see me dancing?

Prayer works miracles and I am soooo thankful that you have your faith. God is truly watching over you and Emily. Keep your faith in Him and He will get you through this.

Oh yeah... and sleep, you're gonna need it!

Brynn said...

I kept checking yesterday and no post. I was fearing that meant bad news. Glad her to hear that things are looking up a little. I think about you a lot and wish I could speed up time so you could hold that little girl not have to wonder and wait any longer. Funny how you can love someone so much before you even get to hold them in your arms. She's lucky to have you as her mom.

Gene and Sheri Family said...

so GLAD to hear the good news!!...and I cried EVERY day that I had to walk thru the neo natal intensive care unit when my baby was there for a "routine" surgery....its not easy stuff....STILL praying for you and Emily!!! :)

Holly@A Life-Size Catholic Blog said...

I actually just came from your other blog. (where I also left a comment)But,I'm getting a larger picture of your situation, and I wanted to tell you a few more things.

I also live in Utah, and my daughter was born with a heart condition. She had two operations at Primary Children's hospital where I assume you're going. For many years I've witnessed miracles behind those walls. Miracles happen!

Many blessings...

Fullmer Family said...

Your post brought me to tears. I feel for you whole heartedly. My babies were those little ventilated 1 lb babies that you saw. But with a LOT of faith, prayers, and hope we found comfort. Before AND after their birth and through all their trials.
I'm still praying for little Emily, and her awesome parents.
I love you guys.

TheBlogWriter8 said...

Girl, you'll tide through this. Hold on. Hold on tight, you two!


p.s. I'll be praying. God is kind.

Dazee Dreamer said...

You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

aimee said...

Praise God! Best news I've heard today. God will give you strength to get through the next several weeks as well as anytime Emily needs to spend in the NICU.

-stephanie- said...

My tears flow for Emily's good blood flow. :o) Praise God! Continued prayers for all of you.

Sandra said...

You do know that social workers, doctors, counselors don't mind that you cry? Even the embarassing type of crying. We are prepared for it. So next time, cry if you need to and let them hand you tissues.

Yay for blood flow. continuing praying for Miss Emily.

Sam said...

Oh Noelle, I feel for you having to walk through that hospital. I can't imagine.

Though I am so thrilled to hear of blood flow! Continuing to pray for little Emily. <3

Kelly Howard said...

Thank you for allowing us to go on this journey with you, and to pray you through every rough spot right to the miracle that I believe (with all my heart) that God has for you! You make me appreciate my life and all its blessings! Hang in there, sweet mama!

Bridget said...

Ditto to everything Sam said. You are so strong Noelle! Lots of love and prayers!!!
Oh, I drove by the nursery today and I had no idea you had expanded like that!! It looks awesome and I can't wait to stop by. :)

Amanda said...

It's a good thing I never wear mascara or I'd be a panda right now. Hugs and prayers to you and Emily.

Jamie said...


We are still praying...every night...James and Maggie are excited to hear about baby Emily! I am so proud of yours and Jason's strength!

May Emily continue to rest, her body grow, and the blood flow in her Heavenly Father's arms. She is in her makers hands!

Shan said...

When Mad was born and ended up in NICU, I often wondered why it was so far from the rest of labor/delivery and the maternity/post-partum unit. I'm glad you'll have the chance to spend as much time with Miss Emily as possible before she is transferred. I wish you could just deliver at the other hospital, though.

And (ending with the good stuff because sometimes I'm a quick study) HOORAY for blood flowing where it ought! That is one heck of a little fighter you've got there.

Big hugs and lots of love,


Julie Stansfield Smith said...

Since my 11year old daughters stroke in March I have learned a lot. One, You never know how strong you are, until you have to be. Two, Kids are amazing teachers, and Three, Miracles DO happen. One year from now you will look back and be amazed at everything - that you got to be a mom to such an incredible child, that people everywhere truly do care, and that you are stronger than you ever knew. The best is yet to come - she is on her way to give you one of the greatest experiences of your life! Remember, you are loved!

Kerri Smith said...

I am so glad I have been led to your blog (Beth, posted about you and I felt led to jump over here)

I am so glad you had good news, you are in my prayers!!


Janine said...

Hello Noelle. I want you to know that I too will be standing in fait with you and all the others that are praying for your sweet darlings miracle. My precious Jesus did it for our second born daughter. Reading this post brought back all the memories. She is now 6 1/2 and such a healthy and happy little girl. As hard as it was to have her in ICU for almost 2 weeks, the grace God gives us is so tangible. Sending you all my love x0x Janine

le Chef said...

I'm so sorry. That's a lot to deal with.
That said, accept the miracles and little victories. My sister has had a heart condition since birth. Some days are good, some are not, but she's here, and she's happy, and we cherish every moment.
Take days to be happy. It goes a long way.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I don't know how anyone could keep from getting emotional seeing those helpless infants.

Hallelujah for blood flow. I'm keeping you and Emily (and your family) in my prayers. Keep faith.