Emily weighs 6 pounds 5 ounces...
And has the doctor's approval to come whenever she's ready...
...as long as it's within the next two weeks.
The perinatologist is so convinced I'll go into labor 'any day', she didn't even schedule a date for me to be induced.
The doctor could tell I had a lot on my mind.
She invited me into her office to talk after she finished her exam.
Mostly she listened and I talked.
I told her about the blog I read over the weekend...the one where a mother wrote about her little boy who had the same diagnosis as Emily...
...her little boy who didn't even make it home from the hospital.
Before I could even tell her how I was feeling the doctor told me something.
"Noelle, if you weren't scared and overwhelmed right now I would be worried about you."
The mother of this baby boy said it better than I've ever been able to.
"There was a 1% chance of my baby being born with a heart condition."
"Of that 1% chance, there was a 1% chance that he wouldn't make it."
"But this has been 100% of my entire experience with pregnancy, and it makes that 1% seem huge."
I know how she feels.
And although the perinatologist hasn't been in my shoes, she somehow knows how I feel too.
"Noelle, your baby has everything going for her right now," she told me.
And then she promised me something.
She promised me that the minute Emily was born...the minute the unknowns were taken out of the equation...my life would be normal again...I would 'settle' into whatever the new reality was, and I would be okay.
I'm going to hold her to that.
Because right now?
I'm anything but settled.
Yesterday I was talking to my sisters...
They're professionals at having babies.
When I couldn't pass my puffy eyes off as allergies they got to the heart of the problem.
They reassured me that what I'm feeling is normal.
They told me that even having a health baby is scary and overwhelming.
And they gave me permission to cry every day if I need to.
I might need to...if the last two days are any indication.