Monday, July 11, 2011

Counting The Days

Emily weighs 6 pounds 5 ounces...
And has the doctor's approval to come whenever she's ready...
...as long as it's within the next two weeks.

The perinatologist is so convinced I'll go into labor 'any day', she didn't even schedule a date for me to be induced.

The doctor could tell I had a lot on my mind.
She invited me into her office to talk after she finished her exam.
Mostly she listened and I talked.

I told her about the blog I read over the weekend...the one where a mother wrote about her little boy who had the same diagnosis as Emily...
...her little boy who didn't even make it home from the hospital.
Before I could even tell her how I was feeling the doctor told me something.
"Noelle, if you weren't scared and overwhelmed right now I would be worried about you."

The mother of this baby boy said it better than I've ever been able to.
"There was a 1% chance of my baby being born with a heart condition."
"Of that 1% chance, there was a 1% chance that he wouldn't make it."
"But this has been 100% of my entire experience with pregnancy, and it makes that 1% seem huge."

I know how she feels.
And although the perinatologist hasn't been in my shoes, she somehow knows how I feel too.
"Noelle, your baby has everything going for her right now," she told me.
And then she promised me something.
She promised me that the minute Emily was born...the minute the unknowns were taken out of the equation...my life would be normal again...I would 'settle' into whatever the new reality was, and I would be okay.

I'm going to hold her to that.
Because right now?
I'm anything but settled.

Yesterday I was talking to my sisters...
They're professionals at having babies.
When I couldn't pass my puffy eyes off as allergies they got to the heart of the problem.
They reassured me that what I'm feeling is normal.
They told me that even having a health baby is scary and overwhelming.
And they gave me permission to cry every day if I need to.
I might need to...if the last two days are any indication.


13 comments:

Taylor said...

Your dr gave you good advice. Once baby is born-you will know what you are facing and can go from there. All these unknowns are so hard! I'm praying for a safe, healthy delivery and for God's presence to be with you throughout. :)

Dazee Dreamer said...

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. the anticipation is the thing that is hard, just like your doctor said.

adrienzgirl said...

I can't believe it's already time. It seems like yesterday my heart leapt with joy because you announced you were pregnant.

I can't wait to see your new little miracle!

Joann Mannix said...

Walking through the dark is always the worst part. This IS scary and hard and some day, all of this will be a hazy blur, when life becomes normal for the three of you.

There are angels watching over all of you and I just know with all my heart that this will all end up with a happy ending. Congratulations on bringing that precious girl all the way to the end. The first stumbling block and biggest worry-gone. Now, let's get through the next one.

And yes, having a baby, no matter the circumstance is scary. Emily's already behaving like a trooper. I think that's a very good sign.

Beth Zimmerman said...

You go right ahead and cry sweet girl! You're certainly entitled to it! And teach Jason how to post so he can come update us when Emily is born. Continuing to pray! Remember you are LOVED!

Mom on a Line said...

I think your doctor and your sisters are right. Right now, all you have is worry and planning. After Emily is born, you will have her. It will change everything and help you find a new normal. Sending you lots of heart hugs.

Sandra said...

Worry and cry all you need to. And when she is here and you can hold her and see her and know her, you can find your balance again- whatever form that may take.

Love you and Jason and little Miss Emily.

TheBlogWriter8 said...

I've waited to hear from you all weekend. I'm thinking about you and praying hard, okay? Stay calm. You'll be okay. My heart is racing, too. So, we could do a group cry for 3 minutes. But pep up and go look at Emily's happy room. You've got a lot of mommy kind of work lined up! Brace yourself!

xoxo

Kerri said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you

wjmom said...

Nobody cries alone when I am there. Let me know if you need company. :)

So excited for this beautiful, miracle baby to come and say hello to the world. Especially me.

Loves!

TortugaRachel said...

You go right ahead and cry hon. And when the time comes and that precious life emerges, you will also smile. Your doctor sounds awesome and brilliant.

Remember, and I know it sounds hard, but God wouldn't have given you this if He didn't think you could handle it. You're going to be such a wonderful mommy!

le Chef said...

You will be amazed at how instantaneous your new normal appears. Within a second you won't know how it was ever any different.
The first one is always the scary one, regardless.
If you weren't crying .... you aren't pregnant.
FYI: My crying was worse AFTER. For about a year.
Hormones. They are quite fun.
Welcome aboard the mama train. ;)

And do what ever you need to to get through to the next day. With pregnancy, all rules go out the window.

Give Back Today said...

I can't believe its almost here! I feel thankful that you have let us all into your life and follow you. You have a lot of support in your family and friends, but don't forget us here! We are your support too!!