My mom's phone rang this morning at 1:30am.
She was sure I was calling to tell her we were having a baby.
It was a wrong number.
Last night when I left work I told my brother that tomorrow I was going to teach him how to use Quickbooks...our accounting program.
He said, "You won't be here tomorrow."
When I walked in this morning he did a little cheer.
And then right after his cheer another co-worker walked in and threw his hands in the air.
"It's not that we're not happy to see you," he said, "But really, we don't want you here."
"Have a baby already."
What they don't know is that they are going to miss me when I'm gone.
My heart is a little bit heavy today.
I've mentioned before that I have a cousin with twin girls.
They just turned a year old.
One of the little girls, Lucy, was given the same diagnosis Emily was with her heart.
Lucy has had two open heart surgeries, and is still struggling.
She will go in on Tuesday for her third surgery.
I'm not sure of the details, but according to my cousin it's a risky surgery, and they're not sure that their little girl will survive it.
Obviously I can't help but worry...for my cousin, for her baby, for Emily, and for Jason and me.
I can't help but wonder if we're headed down the same path...if Emily's future will mirror Lucy's first year of life.
My mom and I talked about it yesterday and she reminded me...again...that God has a plan for Emily, just like He does for Lucy.
The thing is...I feel guilt when I hope and pray that Emily's plan isn't as traumatic as Lucy's has been.
I feel a lot of other things too...things that I don't give a voice to very often because they don't do anything but make me doubt my faith.
Anyway...enough of this.
I had my last non-stress test this morning.
I'm pretty sure the nurse is going to miss me and my amniotic fluid.
I keep thinking it's Friday.
It's only Thursday...in case you needed the reminder too.