Thursday, August 11, 2011


A few nights ago Jason and I were talking about my blog.
We were discussing the journey my blog has been on and the place my blog has stayed for a little while.
A light place, generally filled with happy stories, cute pictures, and a little bit of romance.
Jason asked if I thought my blog would change now that Emily is in our lives.
I've thought about it a lot and the answer to that question is yes.
My blog will change because I have changed.
I told my mom that if and when things settle down I'm going to need therapy...therapy from someone who specializes in post traumatic stress disorder.
I really might.

I'm beyond grateful to all of you who have stuck with this blog's journey...with my journey.
I'm grateful for the friendships, and the love, and the support...and mostly the faith and prayers that have been offered on my little one's behalf.
Jason and I pray for you every who pray for us.  We thank our Heavenly Father for all of you, and ask for His blessings to be with you because of your faith.

This blog will some day go back to being light, and fun, with a bit of romance...but it will also be something more...something more because you've given me a safe place to let it all out.

Our Emily...and by our I mean yours and ours, she's a fighter.  She came through her surgery as well as the surgeon had hoped.  When we were finally reunited with her, after a 6 hour wait, she was sleeping peacefully.  She is in the best of hands, and after spending an hour with her, we left her in those hands to come home and get the rest that we so desperately need.

If all goes well and Emily stays strong, she could be home with us within 10 days...and all three of us need that more than anything else.

My friend Joann sent me this link today.  After climbing into bed I opened it and listened and cried healing tears.  Thank you Joann...thank you for loving me and my baby girl.

We're past the first big hurdle, and we couldn't have done it without you.


Mom on a Line said...

Emily looks really good post op. And not looking very swollen yet in her pictures. Such a blessing. I'm so glad the surgery went as well as the surgeon had hoped. She should rest comfortably tonight and I hope you will rest as well as possible. I know the next 48 hours can be the hardest, so I will keep you all especially close. Sending lots of heart hugs!

And you should know, as unfortunate as it is, many heart moms need therapy and suffer PTSD. You are not alone. {{{hugs}}}

adrienzgirl said...

Change is inevitable Noelle. We all change daily. We learn, we grow and we become stronger. While your blog will morph, it will still be true to who you are, who you were and who you are becoming.

It will be everything we've come to love and more. More because you are more. You are Noelle, the faithful, the strong, the valiant and now, Noelle, Emily's mom. The protector of the meek, the mild, the beautiful and the strong.

We'll all be here for the journey. We'll hold you up with love and support and strength in this, your time of need. When you find your new voice, as a mom, as a survivor and protector we'll sit at your feet and listen as you share your heart's light once more.

I'm so happy Emily is doing well and resting peacefully. I pray that you and Jason will share in her restful slumber tonight. That you will be refreshed to face the new day at Emily's bedside.

Mush love to you, to Jason and to your little miracle!

Lindsay said...

Noelle, I've been thinking about you all day and waiting by my reader for your update post from her surgery. I'm so happy to hear she came thru as well as they'd hoped. She's a fighter and so are you:) I will continue to send my thoughts and prayers your direction. Stay strong

Amy Johnson Goodman said...

A sigh of relief! So glad that Emily did so well. She is a fighter! Thank you for sharing your little Emily with us and letting us love her too.

wjmom said...

Love. I just don't know what else to say.

Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my. I am now praying that all goes well, and emily will be able to go home in a couple of weeks. woo-hoo

Heather said...


-stephanie- said...

Babies are the sweetest, but I don't want to have any more, so thank you for sharing your sweet Emily with us.
We may not meet this side of heaven, but we have the same God and knowing we are connected by Him makes my faith and prayers for your family a privilege.
That tiny sweetness in that big room. Bless her. So happy to hear she's a fighter. Praying she's home with you soon.

Sam said...

So relieved to hear she did as well as hoped! Praying your little fighter is home with you soon!

Jamie said...

Many praises to the heavenly Father who brought Emily through this surgery. I am so thankful she is clinging to the One who created us all. I know she is resting in His arms, peacefully sleeping...while the choirs of angels sing her lullabys.
May the Lord continue to protect Emily, as she rests. May the Lord protect, you and Jason, that you will rely on each other for love and support during this time.
Often times we forget to say it...but it is a pleasure to be your friend, to pray for you and to share in the prayers for your daughter. Much Love through Christ to you all!

walden said...

Yeah, yeah! Sweet, sweet little girl. Look at her and how strong she is...I just knew it the second I laid eyes on her!

I'll tell you a story, not because I know your situation or because I have an answer, but just to share a lesson I learned.

When Willow Jane was born, I got really really really sick and had to be away from her for a month (again, not the same), with just 30 minutes or so a day. All I want to say is that when this all progresses to the next level...and it will, this miracle day is an indication of progress and healing to and Jason and Emily will be at home together, building your life and norms. She will heal in the gifted hands of these experts and then you'll take her home.

For me, it seemed crazy and I just had to focus on the fact that my job as a mother (as people kept drilling into my hard head) was to heal so that I could take care of her. So, we got help until I was strong and now that stress is a memory that's part of my soul. These are lonely and hallowed hours and they do sanctify your you are saying. You will be richer and deeper and more sure of yourself and your little family. (I'm waxing poetic...)

What I wanted to say is that there will come a time when you are in that cute little nursery and it's just you and Emily or the three of you together and you will be at peace.

These moments are hard and they ARE traumatic. You do whatever you need to take care of yourself. Take your meds...get more if you need to...spoil yourself, even if it feels counter intuitive. Rest. Emily will benefit from your care for yourself. You, too, daddy. :)

We'll keep praying for you ya. Yeah, little Emily!

Bridget said...

Boy, she is just beautiful! She looks SO much like you Noelle! It's so good to hear her surgery went well, and also so heartbreaking to see her hooked up to so many machines, though I'm sure grateful we have such technology. Praying that she will be free from them soon and that y'all can be home together as a family! XO Praying for you too!!!

Tiffany said...

Such happy news to end my day! I'm so thankful the surgery went well and Emily is over this big hurdle. Sleep well Livingstons. Big hug.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so glad the surgery went well. Emily is so beautiful! Thanks for sharing her with us. There is power in prayer. And miracles to be had.

I'm like you in that I need to let it out. It is hard to carry a burden alone, but when you have friends to share it, the load becomes lighter. I'm happy that you are able to share your feelings in a positive, helpful way to you.

Give that sweet Emily and squeeze from me, but not too tightly because I wouldn't want it to hurt.

You are amazing!

xo -E

Amanda said...

Honey I am here crying just reading your posts, I can only imagine how you must feel.

Big hugs Noelle. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, which means it's just right for you.

Praying for much strength for you and Emily.

Cathy said...

God bless you all. Praying for little Emily, Jason and you. You are witness to others for God. Sometimes we are put through trials for others to see how we handle the rough times.

Hope you and your little family have a better day today.

Karen said...

So happy Emily's surgery went well! Asking for the Lorf's blessings upon all of your sweet family! What a precious angel!

TheBlogWriter8 said...

We're grateful when you share, Noelle. Thank you for letting us into your life- that isn't an easy task.

That baby will look back at her pictures with all of us and she'll know how amazing your strength has been.

I wish I could touch her, comfort you and give you all my hugs. Just imagine the setting- I'll feel better.


Joann Mannix said...

I love you!

Emily looks strong. Beneath all of those wires and tubes, I see a baby girl who is fighting and winning. Go sweet Emily, go!

And just so you know, Laura Story wrote that song after her husband's difficult journey with a brain tumor. He was healed and in his healing she realized that everything God gave her, no matter what it was, good or bad, there was a blessing in it.

And get that therapy. God put healers on this earth to help us through.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. It is an honor and it will be even a bigger one, to watch Emily grow.

Shan said...

10 days? Really?!? That is amazing!

As for PTSD, I don't know how serious you are, but I have known people who sought treatment for it. There are counselors who do specialize in traumatic births. My friend found hers through our childbirth educator/new mommy group coordinator (her name is Pamela Capps and she moved to Utah last year... your state has a national treasure).

There is another mommy blog by a birth board buddy of mine named Megan. Her son was supposed to be born a year and two days ago, but he celebrated his first birthday back in April. (Today is his one year anniversary of coming home.) Not the same journey as yours, but she knows the grief, anger and elation that come from such a hard start. Her blog is She might be a good resource for you.

As for your blog changing... one thing I love about you is your realness. You have had a tough road and there are more bumps ahead. We are here with you for as much as you want to share. Easy or hard. Tears of frustration or happy tears (my personal preference, but I'm open).

Sending you all love!

Bossy Betty said...

Continuing to think about you and your family. Years from now, we'll be visiting to see Emily in a beautiful little dress, eating ice cream and smiling at her mommy behind the camera.

Continuing those prayers!

aimee said...

Continued prayers for Miss Emily. I heard "Blessings" the other day and thought of you as well. Glad someone shared it with you. Stay strong momma! Thank you for sharing Emily with us.

Janine said...

Precious Noelle, I have been reading your posts all morning from when your princess was born. Please know that you have another friend on the other side of the world in South Africa praying for you, your hubby and your beautiful daughter. My hubby and I are also walking a faith walk trusting unborn baby boy's heart to the Lord and they have also just done tests to rule out the syndrome that you mentioned in an earlier post. Please know that my heart is with you and believing with you and your hubby for every miracle your precious Emily needs for everyday. May your heart be so held by His ever present peace. Another mommy recently sent me pics of her 9 year old son who is fully recovered from hectic heart problems as a baby and she said that he has a sign in his wall that says "God is closest to those with broken hearts". It so encouraged my heart. I see Him tending to your heart even as He stands tending to your beautiful Emily's heart today. Sending you my biggest hug!!! Love Janine

Beth Zimmerman said...

Our Emily is such a beautiful baby girl! I already see her mama in her! I'm glad you are finding the blog world to be a supportive blessing! I'm finding much the same in my own struggles. I know it sounds forever but ... 10 days? That will fly!

Love you. my friend! Prayers continue!