Friday, August 26, 2011

Can I Pay Someone To Do My Laundry?

I tried at normalcy.
I failed.

Jason and I have a routine worked out that leaves us 80% sleep deprived rather than 100%.
We'll see how it goes.
The other night Jason and I happened to be in bed at the same time and I asked him if he felt like we had gotten divorced.
He laughed.
Then I said, "At least separated?  Do you feel like we're separated?"
It's crazy.
We spend more time together than we ever have, and somehow I still miss him.

I'm a nut case.
Go ahead and say it to my face.

Where was I?
Failed normalcy.
I got up, showered, put make up on even, and got Miss Emily ready for a day at the office.
At least ready for a hew hours at the office.

I take one look at my mom and cry.
Every single time.
And Mom is always at work.
And instead of getting anything done I end up talking to my mom.
Fail #1.

Mom and I made an impromptu decision to go for a drive to see my aunt and uncle.
We got Emily and Trouble buckled in and took off.
We got as far as the turning lane of the freeway on ramp.
"Mom, I'm too tired.  Let's go another day."
She said okay and we turned around.
Fail #2.

Back at work it was time to feed Emily.
I asked my sister Amanda to get me a cup of hot water.
She brought it in to the office and Tyler, Trouble's little brother, thought Amanda was bringing him a drink.
In the time it took Tyler to spill the cup of hot water all over his arm, Emily managed to pull her feeding tube out.
Tyler and Emily were both screaming.
Fail #3.

I looked at my mom, put my head down, and sighed.
"And I willingly added to this chaos," I said.
As it turns out, Emily wasn't interested in more than half of her bottle.
Here's hoping she doesn't starve before her hero daddy gets home to put the tube back in.

I'm a chicken when it comes to the feeding tube.
Fail #4.

There is construction from practically our front door to the door of my office at work.
They make new lane shifts every other day.
I've been out of it for a few days.
There I am, driving along, enjoying the newly paved road when I notice that I'm the only car on this part of the newly paved road.
I look around some more and realize why.
The lane I'm in?
All other cars?
Three lanes over, where they should be.
Fail #5.

I've just realized something.
Maybe this is the new normal.
This is going to get fun.

I'll tell you two things that weren't a fail.

Mom was holding Emily and she started to get fussy.
(Emily, not Mom)
After a few minutes of fussing I called Emily's name from the other side of the room.
"'re okay."
That's what I said.
Emily stopped crying immediately and turned her head towards my voice.
My mom said, "She already knows your voice."

Trouble had been watching and said, "Elimy loves her mommy and I love Elimy."
When Trouble saw her little Elimy she asked, "Can I hold her hand?"
And before I could say anything Trouble said, "Wait!  I need to wash my hands!"


In spite of Jason's best efforts, the feeding tube was not cooperating tonight.
It was time to feed Emily, she had eaten as much of her bottle as she was going to, and we couldn't get her tube in.
I called my neighbor and friend, who just happens to be a PICU nurse and asked if she was home.
"I'm just leaving," she said.  
"What do you need?"
When I explained what happened, she was at my front door in 5 minutes, and had Emily's tube in within just 2 minutes.

Emily will be wearing mittens...from now until eternity.


Sandra said...

Repeat after me- I am a new mommy, not a failure.

I have a husband that loves me and I love him- Success #1

I have a new baby that I and my husband love unconditionaly- Success #2

I have a mom that loves and comforts and is there for me- Success #3

I was smart enough to tell my mother when I was too tired to do something rather than exhausting myself so much that I could not take care of my child- success #4

I have a sister that loves me and is willing to help me. Success #5

I have a nephew with healthy lungs and he can let us know when he is hurt. My daughter can also let me know when she hurts/is uncomfortable/needs me. Success #6

My daughter, despite everything, is able to be home with me and I can take her places with me. Success #7

All moms are chicken of something when it comes to their children. Success #8
(just an fyi, when Brandi was 10 months old, she had a fever of 105*
Turns out she had a kidney infection and had to have all kinds of tests and I had to hold her down while they put tubes into her kidneys. I cried the whole time.

My baby has a daddy that is a hero. Success #9

Everyone has problems with those lane changes. (I almost did the same thing myself the other day.) I enjoyed part of my drive through the construction mess. Success #10

So, sweetie, to my count the successes outnumber the fails. And this probably is the new normal. For awhile anyway, until there is another new normal. That's the way it is with kids, a new normal just when you get used to the old "new" normal.

Love you and I promise it will get better eventually. Even though you don't believe it now.

Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my. I can't believe you did the whole wrong part of the road thing. It's lack of sleep. Yeah, remember that excuse when the cops pull you over. :)

Your mom is so awesome. I love that woman.

Mom on a Line said...

You describe so many fails, but I don't think they are fails. It sounds to me like normal new mom stuff. You will get the hang of it all. you just need time. Besides, the most important part is down: Emily knows your voice.


Bridget said...

OH Noelle! Those aren't failures, just more proof you are a great Mommy! (ok, except the driving on the new road part, that's just funny... I totally picture Mater from Cars, "I'm the first one on the new road!! Wooo!" Hahaha! You are awesome! Prayers for y'all! XOXO

walden said...

Hang in there, girl. What a good mommy you are...I can just sense it! Between hormones, surgery recovery, post-partum, sleep SHOULD be tired and you are just normal..."the new normal" my very removed and non-objective opinion :)...I think you're doing great! Post partum was the toughest time for me and you have stuff heaped on top of that, so...I salute you!

Baby Willow Jane and I are still praying for all three of you guys!

Love ya-


Today's Gift said...

I would come do your laundry if I lived closer! Little Elimy (and you and Jason) are in my prayers.

TheBlogWriter8 said...

Jesus! And I thought I was the only one having tough days. Holy Lord! Bless us- please. Okay I keep promising not to complain and to enjoy the moment- time to zip my mouth shut.

Noelle, here's a hug. And one to Jason, the hero, too.


Joann Mannix said...

Stop thinking of these things as a fail NO! They are not fails. It's just like you said, it's the new normal. Your life can't be measured in the same way any longer. If you try to continue on the way you used to, then you will be constantly setting yourself up for failure.

Life has been spun completely around and it's time to give it a fresh perspective to the new normal.

This is how I used to measure a day when there was a new baby in the house: Was I able to get dressed today? If the answer was yes, well that was a huge win. Was I able to take the baby out of the house, even if it was only for a short time? Complete win! Was I able to take a shower? Well, that was winning the lottery, honey.

See what I mean? There is a sweet little girl now who needs just about everything you've got. Give yourself a break. Don't worry about visiting folks. Don't worry about driving on closed lanes. Don't worry about messy houses or dirty laundry. You've got bigger, more important things right now that all begin and end with Emily.

And wow, a PICU nurse for a neighbor and friend? God does indeed have his angels watching out for you.

Chuck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chuck said...

I hate when those feeding tubes come out!

If that tube ever come out again and your neighbor isn't available, I would be happy to be the backup tube inserter.

Good luck!

Baby Sister said...

I HATE the construction between here and your house. Did you get that? Hate, hate, hate, hate. Drives me batty. So the part that you ended up on the wrong part of the road? Made me feel slightly better about the time I couldn't figure out which part of the road I was supposed to take and ended up turning around and taking State Street instead. :)

Brynn said...

This crazy time won't last forever. Don't be hard on yourself. Babies just make life crazy. You will sleep again one day. For now, just laugh and nap as much as you can. And let the house be messy and laundry pile up. Thank heaven for the great support you have.

Lalis said...

Umm, dear Noelle, Fail #5... that's not you. That's Udot's fault. Those stupid orange cones confuse EVERYONE not just new mommies who are trying to figure everything out.

As far as being tired and not following through with your plans? Who cares!! At least you're trying. I was actually rather amazed that you even tried to step out of the house so soon. I mean, I know you want to share Emily with people that love you, but honestly? Emily will be a baby for about a year. You have plenty of time to share her with others. In the meantime, take time to adjust to this new life. Take care of yourself.

Kristina Carter said...

You sound like a mom fresh out of the hospital and I think all moms have that even moms that have a "standard" birthing experience.

Don't feel bad about the feeding tube, I was chicken too, it should made me sick to do it.

le Chef said...

Joann is spot on. You have a new normal that is going to be a little un-normal for a while. Literally. It takes a good three months to start to even figure this new baby out.
Introducing an entirely new life to this world isn't something that just falls into place. It takes work, adjustments, and a new point of view. You need to relish your small victories .. because that baby girl of yours will be picking up EVERYTHING you put out into the world. Count your successes, not perceived failures, or that is what she will count for herself.

Every new mom feels like a miserable failure who is all alone and entirely unfit to do the job. You've done wonderful things, and you've been through a lot. Give yourself time, and the pieces will fall into place. I PROMISE. Rome wasn't built overnight; things will take time, but they will calm down.
You've many people praying for your family. Emily will be OK, and at some point you'll realize your not dead tired 24 /7 ... that too will be a success.

Hang in there girl. Your baby is home, she is doing well, and things can only get better from here.

Shan said...

Sandra has it down. Re-read her comment.

You are a wonderful mama. What the heck are you doing back at work? Even wonderful mamas need time to adjust to new babies.

Big hugs.

PS I'm going to go sleep for you. Fynnie's begun sleeping through the night (with random not so through the nights just for giggles), so it's something I feel I can do for you.

Jessica said...

Girlie, what on EARTH are you doing at work?? With a perfectly healthy baby, it took me nearly two months to recover enough to LEAVE THE HOUSE. I felt like my whole world was one big FAIL. Seriously, you need to go home with that baby and just take care of yourself for awhile. And don't be so hard on yourself. And yes, you can pay someone to do your laundry. :) Better yet, call your visiting teachers! I'll bet they'd totally jump at the chance!

wjmom said...


I will do your laundry for free. Just get me your address and I will drive the awful construction-filled roads to Happy Valley to pick up every item of clothing you own and wash and dry and fold it. And then I will deliver your beautifully clean laundry directly to your doorstep. Really. I would LOVE to.

Email me at

Eh said...

Noelle, It's jenny syndergaard hatch, signed in as my hubby. I laughed right out loud at the failure #? about driving on the closed lane and everyone else was three lanes over. THAT reminded me of my greenie area and a darling sister Platt driving the wrong way down a one way street in NY. Ha.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Just wanted you to know I'm still reading along! :) I'd say you're doing awesome for a new mama! Cut yourself a little slack!