Monday, August 15, 2011

Checking In

Chances are, if you ask me to tell you what day it is I couldn't tell you.
Chances are, if you ask me to tell you how old my baby is I'd have to ask you what day it is, and then I would count on my fingers.

This is me taking a deep breath...a really deep breath...and repeating to myself, 'One day at a time...take it one day at a time.'

Our little Emily is doing as well as she can be.
The doctors call her their superstar.

In fact, if it weren't for one small thing, Emily would already have been moved from the PICU.

It's only been two days since they started giving Emily milk.
And the amount they are giving her is small...due to a small infection they think she had when she was born.
Every 6 hours the nurse ups the amount of milk Emily gets.
By Tuesday night or Wednesday morning she should be getting the full amount she needs.
At that point they will try feeding her from a bottle rather than using her feeding tube and if all goes well, we're days away from bringing her home.

We're hoping and praying...mostly praying...that Emily will take a bottle...and that she'll be able to eat.
She's a champion with her pacifier so we have great hope.


I have so many things I want to say...and to write about...
But mostly when I get home at night I'm too tired to even form a complete sentence.
Really...I'm tired.
(In case you doubted when I told you the first time.)

I will say this before my eyes close for good...and I hope that I can say it the way that I feel it.
One of the things that has gotten me through this...and that will get me through whatever is to come is this:
Jason.
And it's not just that he's a rock...that he holds me when I cry...and that he LOVES his daughter...
But it's the security I feel in us...in our relationship...it's the knowledge I have that no matter what we are asked to face, we will face it together...always.
And all of that brings peace to my otherwise battered heart.

I love my husband.
I love my daughter.



18 comments:

Missy said...

So glad to hear Emily is doing well. I checked in over the weekend for updates. Hugs to you all.

Singedwingangel said...

She is so precious and mama you and Jason work well together. Rest you are gonna need it the diva will be home before you know it.

Lindsay said...

Glad to see you post today. You guys are going thru a ton and we're all here pulling for you and prayin hard!

Emily looks amazing! Aside from that big band-aid on her chest you'd never know she had major heart surgery! What a strong little thing!

Lindsay said...

oh, and now you have a whole gaggle of prayer warriors in South Western PA prayin for you:)

TortugaRachel said...

I truly believe that God has blessed you both by giving you each other. He is your rock and you are his, although you may not feel very rock-like, you are. Reading about your relationship is inspirational and heart warming. God is truly present in your lives!


Oh, and that second picture, she totally looks like she's contemplating ripping out the nose tube/wire thing.

Mom on a Line said...

Emily is looking so good in her photos!!! I hope she continues to tolerate the increase in feeds and that taking to the bottle goes well. If Emily acts like a good number of heart kids and can't quite do the bottle right away, there is no reason that should keep you in hospital (barring other complications). Occupational/feeding therapists can work with you from home to help her with suck and swallow and doing the tube feeds yourself is not difficult. I remember when it was suggested to us that our daughter had to remain hospitalized just because she was on a feeding tube (she had already been hospitalized for her first 2 months). One great nurse took it upon herself to teach us everything so that we could go home as soon as the Dancing Queen was medically ready and we weren't held up by feeds. It was scary, but so much better than being in a hospital.

Thinking of you all and hoping any infection clears up quickly. Sending lots and lots of heart hugs to all of you!

Dazee Dreamer said...

You truly have been blessed with a great husband. And Emily is so freaking cute I can hardly stand it. I bet she will take the bottle with no problem.

Mindy said...

Noelle,
Even in your trials you are still a great example. I thank you. Your little Emily is so beautiful. I too, pray she will be able to drink from a bottle soon, so you can take her home. She is a trooper. My little Matthew asked me "who's Emily?" and then proceeded to ask aobut the blog. I showed him Emily's pictures. He couldn't believe how great she looked in just one day. He too thinks she is beautiful. :) We love you. Keep getting your rest. I hope you are feeling physically well (healing well from the delivery). <3

Lalis said...

Oh wow Noelle, she already looks like she is doing so much better just by comparing the pictures from the previous post! Go Emily!!! And she looks so stinkin' adorable with a pacifier! What a little fighter. I think all of us who follow your blog at some point feared for her life even before she was born and are now rejoicing at seeing her grow. It fills my heart with gratitude.

adrienzgirl said...

She looks strong, and beautiful and perfect.

That's all. Just a perfect beautiful baby girl!

I will keep praying for strength for her Mommy and Daddy!

Joann Mannix said...

And you're heroically blogging even through your exhaustion. Thank you for keeping us all updated.

Emily looks so strong and vibrant. She certainly doesn't look like a baby who has just gone through major heart surgery. You've got yourself a fighter there. Before you know it, she'll be in that beautiful little nursery you prepared for her. Keep going, Baby Girl. You've got a whole lot of people in your corner.

TheBlogWriter8 said...

Oh my! This chubby baby looks SOOOO cute! :) She brightens up my day- and my parents' days. Sending her a thousand kisses. Noelle, I'm proud of you guys!

Anonymous said...

Bless her dear little heart! And yours too, Noelle. And Dad's. You've all been through a lot. God bless you and help you through these hard times. My heart is hurting so much for all of you right now. Hang in there, soon there'll be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Continued thoughts, prayers and love to you all. She is an absolute gem!
xoRobyn

wjmom said...

I think she has your eyes.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Ah sweet Noelle! I am having trouble sleeping lately (due to stresses in my own life) and God has called me to use that time, when I lie awake begging sleep to come take me, to pray for friends and family. You, Jason, and Emily have priority spots at the tippy top of that prayer list!

Love you!

Heather said...

I love it. It looks like she is in deep thought about something. WAtch out!

I think about ya'll everyday. I am glad the news is good and you are getting closer and closer to taking her home!

le Chef said...

Tired would have happened even if she weren't still in the hospital so rest easy, and sleep as much as you possibly can. New babies are like that. I am always amazed at how incredibly strong, alert and healthy she looks. If I didn't know all that she is going through, I would never be able to guess ... well, aside from all the tubes and lines ;) She's not giving the rough patches one ounce of her space in this life. Good for her!

She'll be home before you know it.
As of today she's 12 days old, incase anyone asks, and look how fas she's come in that time.

12 DAYS. Birth. Surgery. Ups-downs. All of this wild ride so far .. and it's only been 12 days. She's come so far, and is doing so incredibly well. If I had heart surgery, I don't know that I would do this well after 12 months, never mind less than 2 weeks!
She IS a rockstar. A mighty, mighty rockstar.

Than you Jason for being a rockstar husband and daddy. And Noelle - you are a rockstar mommy and wife. Any woman that has to deal with post-preggers hormones and heart surgery is an UBER rock star. YOU are both why Emily is such a champ.
Remember that.
No go get some sleep, and eat something yummy. I hear chocolate or ice cream works. Possibly popcorn .. but I'm rooting for the chocolate.