Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Bit of Light and Laughter

Do you know my friend Joann?  She blogs at Laundry Hurts My Feelings.  Joann has dogs and ducks and daughters, and a pond with crocodiles.  Maybe they're alligators...I never remember.  Any day now Joann will publish her first novel, and her daughters will nominate her for Mother of the Year.  Joann has a heart of gold, she calls me 'darlin', and she's one of my favorite people.  When I asked her if she would write a post for me she agreed, in spite of her crazy busy life.  Joann, thank you!  You're just what the doctor ordered for this blog.

(If you're reading this in your reader, and the format is messed up...sorry...I spent an hour fighting with it and finally gave up!)

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Noelle sent me an email recently, asking me if I wouldn’t mind cheering up her blog with a few laughs.

A few months ago, I would have told you that I would do anything for my sweet, wonderful Noelle. But now, as I helplessly watch her and her lovely family walk down this dark, rutty path, so nobly and graciously waiting for the light to come their way, I will tell you that if I could, I would lasso the moon and hand deliver it to her, if it would bring the light her way. But since the best I can do is pray for beautiful Emily’s healing, if Noelle wants a few words, a few words, she will get. Or maybe a little more. My only hope is that I can coerce a smile out of Noelle.

I dedicate my silly post to sweet, baby Emily. May you gain strength and health in every single moment. You have a whole universe of love pulling for you, Baby Girl.

Going around the blog world right now is a writing prompt created by the always-inspiring blogger, Mama Kat. I usually don’t participate in writing prompts, but this one intrigued me.

Name 22 things you’ve never done.

This is actually a difficult task for me, since I’ve lived a life stuffed full with nonsense.

I am also an eating adventuress. I’ll try anything you put in front of me. I can’t even say I’ve never eaten tripe on a bed of arugula.

Because I have.

And if you don’t know what that is, don’t Google it because you will never look at me the same, again.

So, for today, I humbly give you my offerings.

v      I have never attended a professional football, baseball or hockey game without saying at the end, “Hold up. Who won?” Because that’s the kind of serious sports nut I am. In my eyes, attending a sporting event is all about the socializing and food.

v      I have never changed a tire on a car. I prefer the alternative method of crying and calling my husband.

v      I have never whistled because I’m pretty sure my whistle is broken. Seriously. I’ve tried to whistle my whole life. People, far and wide, have tried to instruct me how to hold my mouth, what to do with my tongue. My daughter once, in a grand gesture, even tried to hold my tongue for me in the whistling position while I blew. Nothing but air. So, yes, I have concluded my whistling parts are broken. I can, however, do a mean wild turkey call.

v      I’ve never been arrested which seems to shock most of the human race. Even my best friend was all, “YOU’VE never been arrested? Really?” And I’d like to thank everyone for their deep-seated belief in my goodness.

v      I’ve never danced with Bono . . . Yet.

v      And speaking of dancing, I have never danced a line dance because me and synchronized dance moves, we’re just not friends. The likelihood that I will fall over during the Electric Slide is enough to keep me from jumping up at wedding receptions.

v      To this day, I’ve never been able to eat Bugles without giving myself some awesome Bugle fingernails.

v      I have never bought a National Enquirer or anything of that tabloid nature. But that sure doesn’t stop me from snatching that tabloid up and speed-reading through it, when waiting in line at the checkout, especially when it’s a “Guess Whose Cellulite” issue.

v      I have never been able to make pork chops for dinner without saying “Pork chops and applesauce” out of the side of my mouth—even though, we never have applesauce with our pork chops. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, get back in your crib, young one. It’s classic Brady Bunch.

v      I have never worn an article of clothing that involved camouflage of any kind. And I sincerely hope I don’t, one day, lose my mind and decide to start wearing camo. Green forests do NOT look good on me.

v      I have never had a sniffle or an ache without thinking this was it, the big disease that would inevitably kill me.

v      I have never successfully navigated us anywhere with a map. I just don’t get all those squiggly lines. Now, a nav system? That’s a different story. I’m a pro at getting us there with a nav system.

v      I have never haggled with a car salesman. Car salesmen freak me out. As do ferrets.

v      I have never met a president. Although, I have met John Goodman, Roseanne’s TV husband, in New Orleans, once. And this past summer in a restaurant in Nashville, I sat at a table next to Adam Arkin. So, it’s not like I don’t know people.

v      I have never been able to take to the sea without getting very ill. I wouldn’t be a very good Somalian pirate.

v      I have never been able to carry a tune, but that doesn’t stop me from bursting out in song on any Karaoke game I find. Word to the wise, hide your game if you see me in town.

v      I’ve never been able to fix a computer problem without crying.

v      I’ve never been able to drive anywhere with my husband without, at least once, giving him a handy driving tip.

v      I’ve never had a single moment where I thought, “Wow, I can’t wait to clean my house!”

v      I’ve never been to a World Wide Wrestling Federation match and I pray that I never will. The same goes for a Monster Truck Rally.

v      I have never answered the door to my UPS man in anything but pajamas. One of these days, I’m going to freak him out when I greet him in actual clothing.

v      I have never picked my kids up from school like a “normal mom.” A constant quote my kids use on me for all facets of our life. I prefer rolling down the windows and blasting the music, while giving it my best car dancing routine. And if you haven’t tried it, let me tell you, kids LOVE that sort of stuff.

Thank you, Noelle, for having me. May the Dear Lord keep you in the palm of His mighty hand during this time. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. XXXOOO


Elizabeth said...

Joann, love to read your blog! Thanks for the great post here. I wish there was more that could be done than to pray for Emily and her sweet parents. But the power of prayer is pretty amazing, so I'm hoping the miracles just keep coming.

Also, when you mentioned the pork chops for dinner, I knew exactly where you were going! I say it every time too!

xo -E

Joann Mannix said...

Thank you, sweet girl, for having me here today. I hope that today and all the days to come are good ones for Emily. Love you, girl.

Eva Gallant said...

I loved your list! lol

I hope Emily is soon well!

Bossy Betty said...

I smiled a lot during this post! Gotta get some new pajamas for the UPS man now! I've been greeting him naked for years. No wonder he always looks so disappointed!

Hugs to you both.

MommaKiss said...

I'm deeply saddened by your inability to whistle. Deeply. Especially for the day you finally dance with Bono. Because he deserves a whistle. That turkey call just won't do.

Ash said...

Oh Noelle - Emily is in my thoughts and on my prayer list. Her Mama and Daddy too. I'm so very sorry for this struggle.

As for you, my love Joann, I've got a blinged-out camo hat with your name on it with a cross and everything. They're standard issue when you hit the firing range around here. It's Texas girl.

It's cold here today - I think I'll make some pork choooops and ap-ple-saauuuuuce for dinner tonight. Yum.

XO - Ash

~Jenn said...

Praying for Emily and her family. Loved your list!

Lisa from TX said...

I followed Joann to your blog. She is a funny and fine friend. I will continue to pray for little Emily and her parents.

everydaymomma said...

Praying for you your family and your precious baby girl

Suniverse said...

Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

I hope this post brought some cheer, because Joann really brought it!

Penny Lane said...

I have never been to either of your blogs before but am definitely glad I stopped by thanks to "Neurotic Nicki"! I too am a stellar car dancer. Just sayin'.

I am not much of a prayer but for little Emily I will do just that and send her and her wonderful mommy and daddy all the very best of my thoughts.

Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Oh Joann, we have much in common. I too say the "pork chops and applesauce" line every time. I get odd looks but I don't care.

And my middle son is a non-whistler also. We have all tried to help the lad and nothing.

All the best for you and sweet baby Emily!

Julie said...

Joann is a perfect host for today. Awesome and funny.
We're praying for you guys.
Take care and God Bless!!

Kimberly said...

Car salesmen and ferrets?!! Makes perfect sense. You crack me up!!!
And you've never been arrested? Well I guess not since they let you BACK in the country after the Mexico escapades ;)
Little baby...I'm praying for you. I don't know you or your mommy but I am touched by the both of you. Sending gentle hugs and love. Xoxo

le Chef said...

Joann, what a talent with words you have. And the tripe thing, I'll forgive you, but only because I had to try that in culinary school. Never again.
I also have never been arrested. And after stating that I have to add "yet".
I wore camo to a monster truck rally.
Because it mortified my daughter.
I made a car salesman .. lady cry once. I loathe car salesmen. ( Especially when they ask you out on a date while your hubby is in the water closet.)
Shaq's best friend's dad is a good family friend. And yes, he's bigger in person than he looks on TV. No. we don't "hang", and I don't know Kevin Bacon, but I eat bacon, but not with applesauce.

You know, I kind of like this prompt. I just may steal it. Maybe.
And I hope you're smiling Noelle, because Joann is awesome like that.

Lady Jennie said...

My friend's baby was born with a serious heart condition and he's three years old now and doing great. Praying for the same for your darling Emily. Keep hope.

Joann - great list. I feel the same way about my life. It's easier to think about the things I've done than the ones I haven't.

Julie said...

For what it's worth - there is much love headed your way.

For you.
For that sweet baby.


Ashleigh Burroughs said...

Sending healing vibes and warm hugs your way...... because nice is vastly underrated :)

karen said...

Joann -Enjoyed the list - I can never resist the Bugle fingernails either. And pork chops and applesauce are just meant to be together, aren't they? Right?
Noelle -Glad for the opportunity to send a warm hug and some prayers up for sweet little Emily. Babies are such little warriors. Their little spirits are so strong I'm in awe, and they fight hard. With so many thoughts and prayers, I'm sure she'll find extra strength. Lots of love to your family.

Beetique said...

I loved the list. I never have went sky diving. I think someone jumping out of a perfectly working airplane is crazy.
Hugs and prayers for sweet little Emily. Love, Deb Bee

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Huga and puffy hearts to you and your family. Joann is the best!

Mama Kat said...

If this didn't put a smile on your face I don't know what could!! Great list and I love that you two said such nice things about each other. :)