Wednesday, November 9, 2011

So That You Don't Have To Actually Click Over To My Other Blog

Dear Baby Girl,

A little over three months ago you joined our family.  Your daddy and I thank our Heavenly Father for you every single day.  I'm at work today and I'm missing you.  Your daddy is with you though...we don't ever like to leave you alone.

This morning you are in the intensive care instead of your normal room.  I talked to your nurse a few minutes ago.  She had just given you a bath.  She told me that you were not happy when she put your lotion on.  I think it's because you know the lotion she's using is not the special lotion your friend Sandra made you. 

You've had a hard few days sweet girl.  You have been put through a lot of painful procedures, and some of them scared you a little bit.  A few days ago when your daddy was with you they did a really painful test to see if you had any problems with your intestines.  Your daddy stood right by your side and talked quietly to you.  Your eyes never left his, and you knew that he would protect you.  That same day they had to put in new stitches to secure your PICC line (the IV that goes into your arm) and they had to numb your arm to do it.  You cried a little bit, but your daddy held your hand the whole time.  Daddy said you slept in his arms the rest of the day.

A few days later your PICC line started to leak and your doctor felt it was best to try and replace it.  I went with you down to the special procedures room and stayed with you until you were sedated.  The doctors tried over and over again to put your new line in behind your knee but they couldn't get it, and even though you were sedated the doctors knew that you were feeling some discomfort.  They brought you back to the room and I held you all afternoon.  You would wake up and cry every few minutes and I knew that your little leg was still hurting.

Yesterday your surgeon wanted to do an MRI of your heart so he could get a really good look at it before he decided if he was going to operate.  In order to do the MRI you have to be completely still and so you and I went downstairs to the ICU and saw some of our friends on that floor.  I was sad because we were right next to the room where your sweet cousin Lucy passed away, and I really missed seeing her little smile.

The doctors gave you a lot of medicine to put you to sleep and then I left the room while they put a breathing tube down your throat.  You had your pink teddy bear next to you the entire time, and I made sure that your elephant binky was safe with me.  You were gone for three hours and then it took you another hour to wake up.  Your throat hurt you after they took the tube out and it took you a few minutes to start breathing well.  Even though you were asleep we could tell that you were sad.  Your daddy picked you up and rocked you in his arms, and almost immediately your heart beat slowed down and your oxygen levels went back up.  You knew that you were safe in your daddy's arms and so you were finally able to sleep peacefully.

I don't like to see you in pain sweet baby.  I always cry when you are hurting.  But I know that you have to go through these things so that you can get better and come home.  People tell me all the time that it's good that you are small because you won't remember what you are going through.  But you know what you're going through right now.  You know that when you feel something cold and wet on your leg the nurse is going to give you a shot and your body goes tense.  You know that you don't like anything near your nose because you remember how painful it is for you to have a tube put down your nose. You know other things too and even though you might not remember I always will.

When you get older and ask me to tell you stories about when you were a baby I will always tell you that you fought hard for your life.  I will tell you that you went through things that nobody should have to go through, but that you did it perfectly.  I will tell you that you brightened the days of the nurses who took care of you.  I will tell you that your story touched people's hearts.  I will tell you that you had people all over the world praying for you, and keeping you in their hearts.  And I will tell you that you are a daughter of God, and that He loves you.  God is real sweet girl, and I know that before He sent you here He took you in His arms and gave you a long hug.  He told you that it was going to be hard, and that you would go through a lot of pain and suffering.  But He promised you that it would be worth it...that the blessings He had for you would far outweigh the pain.

I promise you that it's true.

I love you Baby Girl.  The love I feel for you  is something that I can't put into words.  If you keep fighting, I will too.


Ashleigh Burroughs said...

Sending a comforting hug and thanks for sharing the hard parts. It helps to know that you find strength even when it seems impossible. You are an inspiration.
Thanks for visiting The Burrow today.
We'll stay in touch, I know.

Hugs to Elimy :)

Beth Zimmerman said...

Oh Noelle ... I love you! Still praying ...

Kim said...

What a beautiful sweet letter yo your baby girl! You both will look back and never forget, but praise God he carried you through this difficult time.

Joann Mannix said...

Oh, my girl. I am sobbing right now.

I love you and that sweet, sweet girl of yours. You are truly my hero.

Praying. Praying. Praying.

Baby Sister said...

Poor baby girl...

walden said...

I keep her in my heart...and you and Jason, too. Praying for those doctors. Love you.

Shan said...

Sending you love.

Dazee Dreamer said...

You guys are constantly in my thoughts. What a loving letter. She is so lucky to have your and Jason.

Coleen said...

You write so beautifully, Noelle. Your sweet light shines even through your pain. Keeping you in our prayers sweet, baby girl, Emily.

Debbie Gardner said...

PIC lines SUCK!I hated those dang things. My poor baby had to endure many attempts and re-attempts and new placements also. Poor sweet baby girl. So sorry that you are going through all this. :(

le Chef said...

The things a mother remembers, and yes, thankfully, she won't have to.
She will remember her daddy's arms, her mothers whispers, and the family bond.

Emily has a mission here. Thank you for enduring the heartache of knowing; knowing her discomfort, her battles, the long road ahead, and soldiering on. Whatever she is here for; you are just as vital to that mission as she is.
You are both wonderful, capable, strong parents. Don't ever doubt that.
(Look at who you were 3 months ago, and who you are today. I dare say you have discovered for yourself; you are stronger, more capable, and more full of love than you ever realized. - Of course I'm right!) ;)