Emily is tucked in for the night.
Jason is working late.
And I just finished off a bowl of soggy Cheerios...soggy because right after I poured the milk Emily decided that she wasn't quite ready to be asleep for the night. She needed a few more minutes of quiet snuggle time with mommy.
I'm feeling a little bit lost.
Not lost as in no direction, but lost as in 'where's that person I used to be?'
I called my mom tonight to check in and before I could even talk I was crying.
She listened and then gave me some perspective into why I'm feeling the way I am.
"When you got married you were in a better place than you've ever been: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And then you got sick, and stayed sick the entire first year of your marriage. You got pregnant and had a really hard pregnancy: both physically and emotionally. And then you had Emily, and nothing about that situation has been easy. It's okay to feel the way you are feeling."
That's good, because for now there are days where I can't feel any other way.
In an effort to find myself again I had a plan.
I knew that I would have two hours tonight where Jason would be home to take care of Elimy, before he left again.
I left Elimy tucked in her daddy's arms and got in my car.
My destination was the mall.
I was going to get a cosmetic makeover. I need a new look and nothing makes a girl feel better about herself than feeling pretty.
Guess who wouldn't give me a makeover...
Who knew that I needed to make an appointment?
It's really too bad for them.
I was ready to spend good money on 'pretty.'
I have a hair appointment on Thursday.
It's with someone new.
If she knew how much hope I was putting into her version of 'pretty' she would probably cancel on me.
Here's something that perplexes me.
Have you ever noticed that most actresses on TV wear dainty little necklaces in the hollow part of their neck?
Loralai Gilmore wore a different necklace in almost every episode. In fact, that was what amazed me most about the Gilmore Girls series.
I want the same kind of necklace...something dainty and elegant.
I've wanted one for years.
The perplexing part is that I can't find one...anywhere.
Do you think they only make dainty necklaces for TV stars?
If that's the case, I think that's kind of rude.
It's time for bed.
I know this because I just tried to use my baby monitor as my mouse. And I don't even use a mouse with my laptop.
(PS. For those of you who might be wondering: 'Elimy' is how my four year old niece says Emily. The nickname stuck.)