You wanted to know what I do when I'm not blogging?
I have breakdowns.
Really ugly, stay at home in my pajamas, crying all the time breakdowns.
In fact, I think Jason saw me cry more today than he's ever seen me cry.
And we've been married forever...if two years can count as forever.
When my mom asked me why I didn't go to church on Sunday I told her it was because I was tired of telling the world that I'm fine, when in truth, I feel far from fine.
Now now, before you think I've fallen completely off of the deep end...
We can't take Emily to church anyway, as instructed by the pediatrician, every cardiologist in the state of Utah, and more nurses than I have fingers to count. One of us has to stay home, and I just happened to volunteer.
It's dumb actually.
People I say I'm fine to at church read this blog...in reality I'm not hiding anything.
And now I wonder if I say too much on this little blogspot of mine.
Well, why no say it like it is? Most of you have been with me through the best and worst times of my life, and if you keep coming back it probably means that you're not bothered by what I write.
So with that I'll just tell you that I'm struggling.
I'll also tell you that it will get better.
And I'm taking the proper steps to make sure of that.
I just crawled across the wide expanse that is our bed to see if I could find a picture on Jason's phone.
Not any particular picture, just something different than what is on my phone.
I don't know where Jason is.
Maybe in his office working?
It's 11:52pm. Why is he working?
Probably because this afternoon, when he realized the ridiculously fragile state of my emotions, he said that he would love to accompany Emily and me to the bank and then to my office so that he could see my recently finished paint job.
And then because when I told him I probably needed to eat some Mexican food he took me out on a date. (Thank you Becca, for always being there when we need you.) ((Have you met Becca? She's the best triplet sister a girl could ask for!))
And all of this was instead of doing the work he had to get done today.
Okay, I simply can't keep my eyes open another second.
Here are the pictures I chose from Jason's phone.
Because you love me you are not going to make any kind of comment regarding the fact that I haven't lost all of my baby fat (trust me, not everyone loves me enough to not say something) and because I love you I'm going to give you a tiny little sneak peek into my office.
Do you see the corner of that pillow in the second picture?
Those colors were my inspiration.