Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Just Some Stuff

I have these moments where I feel like I'm writing to an empty space...to an audience that doesn't exist.
Sometimes I like that, sometimes I don't. 

Little Miss Helmet has a sore above her left ear because of the helmet's pressure.
 Until it heals, and until the helmet can be readjusted, she's grounded from the helmet.

Jason is going out of town next week.
He will be gone from Monday until Saturday.
Thinking about how tired I will be makes me want to sit down and cry.

I had a random memory today...one that made me smile.
I'll share it with you.
Lucky ducks.

Would you believe me if I told you I didn't have my first date until I was 17?
And then didn't have my second date until I was in my 20s?
It did a number on my self esteem.
My mom told me over and over again that it was because I was too intimidating, but in my head intimidating equaled ugly.

Here...the only high school picture I can find.

***Side Note***

Several years ago I was talking to a friend from high school and he asked me about boyfriends and dates.
I told him the truth and he was shocked.
He told me that the reason he never asked me out was because he assumed I had guys lining up at my door.
My mom took that as vindication.


In high school my dad and I went to Mexico to do some humanitarian work.
At the end of our trip we spent some time in Mexico City.
One night we ducked into a Dunkin Donuts to escape the rain...it was the first time I had ever even seen a Dunkin Donuts.
We ordered our donut of choice and then sat down at a table to wait out the storm.
After we had been there for a few minutes the guy who had sold us the donuts, shyly walked over and gave me another donut.
He smiled at me and then walked away.
My dad laughed and said, "It looks like he's smitten."
I was genuinely shocked.
But that simple act of giving me an extra donut did more for my self-esteem than anything else ever could.

Yesterday I talked with a friend I haven't seen or talked to since my wedding.
He is the closest guy friend I have had throughout my life.
He's happily married with four kids, and has been for a long time.
Once in a while we touch base and catch up.
Last night I told Jason about the conversation and I think he got a little jealous.
That did something for my self-esteem too.

And because you love her almost as much as I do...
Here's my view from this morning:


Leslie said...

Hey, I remember you giving me a copy of that senior pic! You know, I am surprised about your dating life as well. I also thought you seemed so popular in h.s. and were probably dating every weekend. But I was kind of oblivious to the social scene myself (being new senior year and all). So I have to totally agree with your mom that I bet the boys thought the same thing and so they didn't ask you out.

And if it makes you feel better, I only had two dates in high school my junior year (same boy both times who was my friend), then we moved to PG and not a single boy asked me out and barely any of them talked to me all year. The only date I went on senior year was with the boy I asked to MORP (a friend from Hawaii that was attending BYU as a freshman). So basically I felt ugly and outcast by the male species for a long, long time. (especially since my younger sisters all seemed to be boy magnets).College got better for me thank goodness. But my theory is that high school really sucks for all but a select few, lol.

Christina said...

she's so precious. :)

Judy said...

I for one read almost every single one of your posts...I love you writing :)

I didn't have my first date until I was 17 either and didn't really have another one until college so I can totally understand and commiserate with you!

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Do. Not. Tell. Jason. About. Montauk.


TortugaRachel said...

I know how you feel, Noelle, I really do. I didn't start dating until I was out of high school, and not by my own design, it just happened that way. I always felt it was because I was "just one of the guys" and no guy would see me that way. Turns out they were intimidated because, well, I was one of the guys and it woulda been like dating a sister.

My best friend of all time is Hubby, but I have a friend, Shorty, that is a close second. He and I have been thick as thieves since we met in 7th grade. Hubby used to get oh so terribly jealous of him.

Sometimes, knowing Hubby gets jealous of things like that, reminds me that he really does love me, but also that, in his eyes, I am worthy of being fought for and might be taken away from him. It does huge things for my oh so awful self esteem.

I'd never leave Hubby though, he's the awesomes.

wjmom said...

Still here. Still listening. Still loving. Still praying.

I think your high school picture is beautiful.

Shan said...

I dated a lot... of jerks. You didn't miss much. :+)

Thanks for sharing her with us again.