Tuesday, April 24, 2012

At 1:53 AM This Is What I Have To Say

I told myself that I was going to crawl into bed just as soon as my little lady went down for the night.
I've been running on empty for more days than I can count, and Em's 9pm bedtime seemed so inviting.
It didn't happen.
Instead I held my baby girl for nearly an hour after she fell asleep.
I'm lonely, and holding Emily lessened the loneliness.

Jason went from a business trip in Colorado to a backpacking trip in south eastern Utah, and for the last 8 days of his two weeks away from home he doesn't have phone service.

After I put the little lady to bed I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep and so I spent the rest of the evening, and now into the early morning hours, working on a project.
I haven't quite finished but when I do I'll show you pictures.

I'm sleeping with my bedroom window open tonight because there is nothing I love more than to hear the birds chirping as the sun rises.
And tomorrow I'm going to sneak into the yard of a vacant home and cut some lilac blooms...because I love those too.

Lilacs and birds...spring is here.  I've needed spring to be here for a long time.


angel shrout said...

OH hun I would go stir crazy with Gene gone that long, especially without any way to reach him. Bald that is what I would be, from panic and fear.. yep yep.. that and minus all of my fingernails. But YOU need to get some sleep momma..

Anonymous said...

When my babies were little, I loved to hold and just gaze at them while they were sleeping. They are so precious ... I can completely understand why you would hold Emily after she has fallen asleep. Such special time.

Hope you find an armful of lilacs ... that's one thing I really miss about living in California. It doesn't get cold enough in winter for there to be abundant lilac blooms in spring.

Leslie in CA

Joann Mannix said...

Oh Darlin' I'm so sorry you're alone and that you hurt yourself. It hurt just reading about your fall. Youch!

The last few days there has been this little tiny songbird who flies onto my back porch and swings the sweetest songs in the early morning hours. I always love to think of bird songs as special messages from our loved ones who have gone on before us. There is something sacred in a bird's song.

And lilacs! Oh, how I miss lilacs. They can't grow here in the South, so I have to be content with lilac candles.

Try and get some sleep tonight, girl. Mommies have to take good care of themselves because, I don't know if you've heard, but mommies pretty much rule the world. No matter what some politicians say.

Kim said...

Ahhhh Spring - makes one feel so alive, revided and refreshed. Now all you need is a good nights sleep missy! xoxox

Beth Zimmerman said...

Aw Noelle! I pray that you got some rest before the birds, and Miss Em, woke you up! I'm trying really hard not to judge Jason ... does he know how hard his absence is on you? I know the business trip was unavoidable but ... backpacking? And do YOU know that you are important enough to stand up and say "THIS is what I NEED right now" and expect him to respect that? I know ... he is pretty close to the perfect man and you are very blessed! He is still a guy and he probably has no clue how hard, and debilitating, depression can be! You have to tell him, Noelle! Tell him!

Praying for you!