Friday, July 20, 2012

This Is Just To Say...

They didn't hold Emily up for me to see her when she was born.
Jason didn't cut the umbilical cord.
I didn't hear Emily's first cry.
I didn't get to hold her before they cleaned her off.
I didn't get to hold her at all...for three days.

The nurses didn't bring her into my room at night for me to feed her.
I recovered in one hospital while she fought for her life in another.
I went home without my baby girl every night for three months.
I couldn't cuddle Emily against my chest because of all of her surgeries.

* * * * *

This afternoon I was resting on the couch while Emily played on the floor.
I would open my eyes every few minutes to watch her.
Over several minutes Emily made her way to the couch.
She scooted, she half crawled, she rolled, and she stretched, and before too long she had reached the couch where she looked up at me and held her arms out.

She had been rubbing her eyes and I knew she was tired.
I picked her up and she immediately turned into me and closed her eyes.
After a few minutes I laid back down on the couch, with Emily still snuggled against me.
And we slept...for more than an hour.
In her nearly first year of life, it was the first time she had slept in my arms the way she was.

* * * * *

As my own eyes grew heavy I watched my sleeping girl and felt a piece of healing fill my heart.
My baby was sleeping in my arms...cuddled against me like I had dreamed of for so many of those nights when my arms ached with emptiness.
A nap has never been more perfect.

12 comments:

Elizabeth said...

One of the best things in life is to have a baby fall asleep in your arms. I'm so glad you got to enjoy that!

xo -E

Jason said...

Beautiful Dear...made me cry.

Trinity said...

So sweet. Thank you for sharing because sometimes it is hard to think it will get better because you can barely focus on today! Hope is a great thing! So happy for you and your snuggle time :)

Zookeeper Jess said...

Aww. I love this.

Shan said...

<3 Lovely.

-stephanie- said...

Love this post. Thank you Heavenly Father for bringing peace to these girls.

Plattfamily said...

This is probably my most favorite post...it is still bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a precious moment.

Lisa L. said...

Noelle - I could relate to every word. I remember grieving the fact that both my babies' births were not what I expected. I could only see them from afar. Each, on separate occasions 7 years apart, were taken quickly away from me. I remember crying in the night as the other moms fed their newborns. Mine were at another hospital. It is heartbreaking. Lisa L.

Amy Johnson Goodman said...

Beautiful! I agree...holding a sleeping child in your arms is a healing thing for broken hearts. For that time, the world seems right. So glad for you to have that at last. Love you!

rplatt said...

How tender! I'm glad you had that moment!! I sure do love the both of you.

Melissa said...

That is so sweet and tender and true! Enjoy those moments!

CK said...

This made me cry. So happy that you finally got to cuddle with E the way that you had always envisioned.