Sunday, January 12, 2014

My Quest

It's that time of day when my house is quiet.
Emily is sleeping peacefully and Jason is out of town.
The only sounds are that of the dryer, soft music playing in the background, and my fingers clicking the keys of the keyboard.

Em and I haven't gone anywhere since Friday.  We've stayed in our pajamas and spent a lot of time reading stories, playing with blocks, and throwing a ball back and forth.
And every once in a while Emily stops what she's doing and runs and throws herself at me, and then we cuddle.

It's during the cuddling that I do a lot of thinking.
Tonight Em curled up next to me and we looked into each other's eyes until she faded off to sleep.
As I watched my sleeping girl I knew without a doubt that what I'm doing now - how I'm spending my time - is what I spent my entire life preparing for.

I've lived such a good life.  I've had experiences and made memories that fill pages and pages.

But this experience of being Emily's mom?
It will always be my best experience and it will shape how I live the rest of my life.

I've been working on cutting out the excess in my life.
I've gotten rid of a lot of things and stuff - and I've sold a lot of other things and stuff.
I have been cleaning out drawers and corners and closets, trying to find simplicity.

And more recently, I've been searching for that simplicity in other places as well.
I turn the TV off so that I can focus more on Emily.
I spend less time worrying about what's going on outside of my home and more time focusing on my family.
When I need a gentle reminder of my search for simplicity, Emily will walk up and take my phone out of my hands and throw it on the floor.

I've quietly unfriended people from my Facebook list - I long for the genuine and for the pure, and for whatever it is that's the opposite of loud.
I want to surround myself with people who are kind and gentle.
And I want to be the type of person who expresses that same kindness and gentleness.

Emily's silence has given me much - and I want to surround my life in that kind of silence.

That's not too much to ask is it?



Karen Mortensen said...

sounds wonderful to me.

Lynne Mathis said...

Thank you for this beautiful post. I love hearing how you and your sweet family are doing. Something you said about surrounding yourself with ?kind and gentle? people really spoke to me. I am sure it will eliminate a lot of mental clutter and make me happier. God bless you and yours ~ AngelaLynne

Bend said...

I like this post

Joann Mannix said...

I wish your blog had a like, no, a love button. Yes, everything you said. All of it. I have always tried to teach my girls that kindness is everything. Lately, the toxicity of a certain family has worn me down, almost to a breaking point and unfortunately, those people can't be removed from our happy little life due to business circumstances. But I use their hardness as life lessons for myself and my family, to love others even more.

"the opposite of loud." What a perfect way to describe exactly what we all should strive for.

So many of us, spend those itty-bitty years of our children just trying to make it through. I'm so glad you see these years for what they are, absolutely precious and the sweetest days. Enjoy your beautiful girl, your life and the moments and days that are the opposite of loud.