Thursday, April 16, 2009

Blah, Blah, Blah

A photo of happier times

(At this point anything BUT snow makes me happy)

I'd like to file a formal complaint against snow on April 16th.

I've been sweeping snow off of plants all morning. (Literally, with a broom.) Poor plants.

It's been a so-so kind of day and I'm not feeling particularly chatty.


I pulled this story out of my memory bank. It might make you laugh.

Once I went on a blind date.

(I've been on way too many blind dates in my life. I don't recommend them.)

My aunt set me up. It was one of those "Hey, my sister knows this guy who is single...and you're single...I think we should set you up."

(Note to those of you who set people up with other people: the he's-single-she's-single thing is NOT enough. If you truly care about someone, only set them up with someone you might actually think is a good match. I'm just sayin'...)

So the guy (I can't remember his name) called and said, "Let's go to dinner."

I agreed.

A few nights later he picked me up.

We went to dinner. (I can't remember where.) It was somewhat painful. I don't consider myself a hard person to talk to. I'll even go so far as to say I'm pretty good at coming up with things to talk about.

But this guy...he wasn't so good at conversation. Really. Not. Good.

Towards the end of dinner he said this: (and I quote him word for word)


(It's in caps because...well, just because.)

"Well then, I guess you can take me home." That's what I said rather demurely. But inside I was screaming it.

(This is where I recommend you take your own car and meet the date there. I learned...eventually.)

We got to his truck and he had a flash of inspiration. "Let's go see the Christmas tree at the mall."

We drove to the mall. We parked the truck. We walked into the mall. He said this:

"Huh...looks like the tree is at the other end of the mall. I don't want to walk that far. I'll take you home."

He dropped me off at my front door. I went inside and said to myself, "Noelle, NEVER AGAIN."

Two days later he called me. The conversation went like this:

"Hi, this is ______" (still can't remember his name)

Me thinking why did I answer my phone?

"I was wondering if you would like to go out again this weekend?"

Me: "You know, I appreciate the offer but I don't think so. I'm not interested in pursuing anything at this point."

Him: "Hmmm...sounds like you're interested in becoming a nun then?" (Yes people, he said that. He. Really. Said. That.)

Me: "You know, the option looks better and better every day."

And then I hung up the phone. So there.

I've got more where that came from. I'll save them for the next time I'm not feeling chatty.

Buh bye.


David G. Woolley said...

That is the best. I've reached my conversation quota? Okay, so was this guy a math or computer whiz? Maybe you should have tried harder to stimulate conversation. You could have asked him about binary code. Anything approching zero. Or quantum mechanics. What were you thinking?

On a completely different issue. Style. What do they call the hats nuns wear? Habbakuks? No, that's the name of a prophet who was contemporary to Lehi in jerusalem 600 BC. My mind wanders so many places. I think you'd look great in a Habakuk with your snow-sweeping broom and a few plants at your feet standing in front of the ocean surf.

And on more matter, remember that favor about getting some containers for my square foot gardening project. We need to talk. Soil. Seeds (non hybrid for storage so we can harvest the seeds). And most importantly thinning. All my seeds are coming up daisies (figuratively) and I'm having a hard time getting up enough guts to thin them out. Which ones do you choose? I mean, how can I play God and say this plant lives and this plant dies. Its so hard. Can't we just let all of them grow and see who wins. Space is tight. Soil is miniscule. Plenty of water. And I talk to them every day and play music for them. These are classic tomatoes, peppers, onions, carrots, and more onions. I think I have five hundred onion plants comming up.

To thin or no too thin. (did you catch that double meaning?)

Help me.

trublubyu said...

this made me chuckle. there are some funny personalities out there.

Amy said...

Wow. It's probably better that you don't remember his name, because he might find out you made everybody on the planet hate him so much and sue you for slander. That would be bad.

Also probably best you don't remember his name, just in case he adds you as a friend on facebook. Then (after you accept his slimey friend request) you can UN-add him and THAT'LL teach him. It's like another "you make me wish I was a nun" comment 5 years later.

Take THAT conversationally incompetent single man!

Noelle said...

Amy, you think everyone on the planet reads my blog? Wow, I feel so special!

Dave, leave the biggest, thickest, little seedlings and take the others out. Or don't...let the survival of the fittest do it's thing.

Debbie Gardner said...

OK so I don't recommend getting married at 18 to anyone, but it is stories like that, that make me glad my dating years were short. That was a fun read.

Brynn said...

Funny. I'm a sort of a weenie when it comes to sticking up for myself. I'm glad you told him no when he asked you out again. I got stuck going on 2 dates with the wierdest set up. He was about 2 hours late to pick me up for a blind date. Not a good first impression.

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

I haven't laughed that hard for days.....

If you got nothin' to say with that - I hope you only feel "so so" more often!

Sandra said...

So funny! The perfect ending to a perfect day. And as I sit here in the warm San Diego air, after just getting back from the beach, I am not missing all that snow I left early this morning. Want to go shovel my driveway now?

David, you already have your garden in??? Amazing. I really need to start thinking about that. When I get home.

David G. Woolley said...


San Diego? No fair. I have my indoor plants sprouting. The garden goes in next month outdoors.


That is NOT what the expert is supposed to say. "I guess you could or maybe not?" What sort of advice is that. Do I thin or do I let them choose the king of the planter box? Tell me now before something apocalyptic happens and I end up at the judgement seat with murderer written all over my forehead, when all I had to do was sit back and let them kill each other off.

Speak now or the sin is upon your head!

Michelle said...

That was funny! And I needed a good laugh this morning. I completely agree with you about the snow. I'm tired of it. We want to get our garden started and our flowers planted and this cold weather isn't cooperating very well. Not to mention we want to get outside again.

Why do people think if a guy is single then surely you are a good match? I remember the frustration of those situations! I wonder what ever happened to that guy - maybe he is sitting in his apartment right now flipping his tv control wondering why life is so boring.

I will look forward to hearing another story Noelle.