Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Help A Poor Girl Out

If you could see me right now you would see that I'm hitting my head against my desk. {It kind of hurts.}

Sometimes when my mom asks how my day was and I tell her, she looks at me and shakes her head and says, "Could your life get any more complicated?" Dear Mom, it's about to get more complicated.

Once when I lived in Mexico I had a friend named Fernando. He's a veterinarian. My uncle - the one so concerned about my marital status - still teases me about Fernando. He changed the words of an Abba song to go something like this: "Can you hear the goats Fernando..." {Such a comedian} and he'll just start singing when he sees me.

I'll spare you the long, drawn out details...but the end result is that Fernando asked me to marry him and I said no - about a million times.

Once a few years ago I got an email from Fernando telling me he had bought a plane ticket and was coming to see me. I emailed him back and told him he was more than welcome to come but that if his intentions were anything more than friendship he was out of luck. Shortly after that an email came from another friend telling me that Fernando was in a mental hospital due to a breakdown...a breakdown he had the same day I sent my email. {I don't make this up people.}

He didn't come...and I stopped hearing from him...until a few months ago...when once again he started emailing me two or three times a week.

Guess who still has hope that I'll change my mind and marry him -

And guess who bought a plane ticket to Utah -

And guess who needs a place to stay -

And guess who wants me to spend 4 days playing tour guide -

And guess who arranged all of this without asking if I were okay with it -

And guess who hasn't responded to any of the emails -

Because seriously, what am I going to say?

What would YOU say?

{And while I await your response I'll keep hitting my head against my desk.}


David G. Woolley said...

Well, who, for crying out loud? Who? You name three possible perps. Your mother, but she seems a little too nice to do something like this Because, well, Nice Matters (I made that slogan up). Your uncle. He's the most logical, but since you didn't tell and since something this expensive and LOW DOWN couldn't come from family (could it) he may not be the guilty party. Fernando is the only one left.

I guess the Uncle. But I hate these kinds of games. I'm a really bad guesser. Was it Mr. Thompson and Me? Or Manda? I think it was all arranged in heaven. Darn that Rabanales hombre and his esposa. They're looking after you. Again.

Baby Sister said...

Mr. Woolley...that made no sense. Just tell him that you could never marry anyone that would stick a needle in someone else. That should solve all of your problems.

Noelle said...

Mr. Woolley and Manda, that made no sense.

I don't get the needle comment Manda.

And actually I do get Dave...sad as it is.

Anonymous said...


Tell him you have consecrated your life and taken your vows. You now live in a cloistered Mormon nunnery, and you are not allowed to leave.

Another idea. Tell him you have especial feelings for another man. Then plead with some male friend of yours to come with you when you see Fernando.


Lilet said...

Don't know what to tell you, but giggling a little over here... :)

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

You're right - Woolley made no sense.

Try my subway tactic. One time a drunk hoodlum (who had just busted out of jail and only had one finger left on his right hand due to a bad drug deal) "discovered" me on the seven train (I was the only white person and DeLeon was NO help!). After listening to all the things that he was going to do to me (really-really bad things!)....I told him that I was a "sister' in the church (didn't tell him which church!)... so he couldln't talk to me that way... because essentially I was married to God (didn't tell him for how long!). From there it turned into a confessional and by the time we hit Bushwick - I had the guy crying about all his sins and convinced that he should turn himself back in to the police.

That's your only hope with Fernando.

Go for the subway tactic and tell him your a sister with the church!

Carrie said...

All the boys want to come and see you..........Enjoy it! Come on it's got to be better than dancing...Right??

David G. Woolley said...

I told my first inside joke. Ever. I think the Rabanales arranged this on the other side Noelle. You never know. It could love at hundreth sight. Think about it. The Rabanales love you. They're not with us any longer, but they are still worried about the ones they love. This is love made for eternity. I am so happy for you. Everyone is so happy for you. Give Fernando a chance. And if you hear Walred whisper a little encouragement, you have your answer.

Baby Sister said...

I mean that because he's a vet...he has to stick needles in animals. So just tell him that you could never be with someone that deals with needles and pokes them into something/someone else. Make sense now?

aynzan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aynzan said...

It's a bit difficult to make a suggestion ! but whatever,it's you who decides whats best for you!

Debbie Gardner said...

Poor guy, can you blame him for loving you so much? I feel sad for him, Love HURTS! Is it really wrong to marry someone just to avoid hurting thier feelings? I don't think so, just say YES! :)

David G. Woolley said...

Hold on there, honey. Aren't you the gal who said yes to the pens made by disabled veterans? And magnets? And pocket calenders? And greeting cards? And the newest YES order...key chains?

What's one more yes in a long string of poor business decision yeses? I say do what comes naturally.

Just say yes.

Noelle said...

I can clearly see I'm on my own here.

Dear Dave, you make me laugh. And if our friends the Rabanales know me at all...and love me just a little...they would say run the other way!

Speaking of the Rabanales, my cousin is dating a young man who recently returned from serving a mission in Guat. He spent 16 months in the Polochic and loved Javier and Walfred.

For those of you who suggested a Mormon nunnery - Fernando is LDS too...wouldn't work

AND he already thinks I have a boyfriend - that's not stopping him.

Lilet, your comment made me giggle too. :)

Debbie - NO WAY!!! :)

Amy said...

I'm way behind (sorry) but the thing is that Fernando is in love. Have a heart you know? You've probably "refused to give up" on something you really really really wanted (and can you blame him for really really really wanting you?) and that's all he's doing. So, you just keep saying whatever say (since we know it isn't 'no') and he'll just keep trying, and maybe someday he'll win your heart, or maybe someday you'll get through to his brain. Either way.....[shrug]

Besides, it's not like you can tell him he can't come to Utah. Free country, you know? But you can tell him to get out of your house, and stop looking at the bookcase in your hallway, and don't follow you around...cuz you know? it's only a sorta free country.

Is it bad that I'm looking forward to the hilarious blogs that are sure to follow?

Megan said...

I provide someone.... you just have to be kissing who I provide when he shows up. I'll take pics and then you can blog all about it- sell it to someone to make a movie and then get rich. Then you can travel the world and do whatever you please. Let me know when he'll be here. I send someone over :)

Mary said...

Persistance does pay off. Do you remember anything of my story about Jon? Short version is that after 4 years I married him.

Yes I am laughing.:) Everyone needs a story like this.

trublubyu said...

so, this is a funny thread. you have funny peeps in your corner.

so, you should find four of your funny single girl friends and make sure he has a date every night he is there.

just a suggestion.

David G. Woolley said...

I think trubluebyu is a professional blogger. Look at you Noelle. The rest of us aren't good enough anymore. What's next. You gonna start posting google ads on your blog? Our little neighborhood aint good enough for you anymore.

That's okay. We'll be okay. We'll all go over and read Ben's blog. Right Ben? Know any stories about blue trucks?

Anonymous said...

Oooh la la! WHY? Why wasn't I around when all of this happened? Why?!!

Has Fernando now turned into a yogi because you got married to Jason?? Haha. No- how mean of me. I shouldn't be laughing.

What about that employee from Bombay? I am dead certain he fell for you on day 1. Hahahahahaha! (What a break this is!)