Friday, September 25, 2009

What Would You Like To Read First?

The Good News?
or The Bad News?
We'll start with the Bad News.
We're not going hiking in the Uintahs.
The Good News?
My dad is alive.
Let me explain:
My mom has a rule that she has asked my dad to comply with for their 30+ years of wedded bliss.
It's this: "Don't use power tools when you are by yourself." (Especially chain saws)
He's a rather disobedient fellow and on occasion has been grounded from spending his days alone, off in the woods. (He likes to be alone, off in the woods.)
Yesterday he was alone, off in the woods, with no cell phone service, using the chain saw.
Geez Dad...are you looking for trouble?
He was cutting a tree...a stubborn tree...and when he made the final cut, a branch flew up and smacked him in the head.
And when I say smacked, what I really mean is gouged.
His 3" gash went all the way to his skull and wouldn't stop bleeding.
Dad assessed the situation and decided he wasn't in shock, and so rather than drive to the local hospital, he drove an hour to the hospital that was closer to home, holding a leather glove and an old shirt to the gushing gash.
And as he was walking into the ER he called Mom.
My mom waits at home when my dad is alone, off in the woods, and almost expects a phone call.
"Ed, what did you do?"
And then he talked and we didn't hear him.
And then Mom said, "Ed, can I swear?"
And we assumed he told her no.
And then Mom said in a loud, somewhat panicked voice, "Ed, what in the HELL happened?"
And then Dad asked if she really felt better now and she said no.
Dad said, "Don't bother coming's just a scratch. I'm fine."
(We were all at the parents house planning the hike...making sure the details were covered.)
We decided that we shouldn't go hiking...(Tiffany, the words stars not aligning were used. You were right.)
But when I walked into the ER and saw Dad's gash I firmly said, "There's no way we're going."
And then I had to leave because blood and hospitals make me woozy and I didn't want to pass out.
It was a close call.
I have just been to Dad's house to see his wound post ER. It's lovely. I suggested he give his guardian angels a raise.
Because honestly?
Had he passed out he could have bled to death...
Oh...and I'm pretty sure he's grounded for the rest of his life.
But only because Mom loves him and wants to keep him around.


Tia said...

Oh my word!!! No more playing with chain saws!!! I'm glad you're dad is okay, but I'm sorry you're not going hiking.

Sandra said...

Obviously grounding is not working here. Maybe you should call an intervention, take away his toys and..

Never mind, it probably wouldn't work either.

I am glad he is ok. And you get to rest your knee a bit more.

adrienzgirl said...

What is it with men and their power toys, I mean tools. They get something that is powerful and all the sudden they are ten feet tall and bullet proof. It's worse than any drug or alcohol! Craziness I tell you! I am glad your Dad is okay. It sounds just like mine, oh and my hubby too! I guess you will have a nice relaxing the knee weekend! :)

Tiffany said...

Congratulations on still having a dad! Sounds as though your mom is used to his manly man jaunts into the woods. How's her blood pressure?

A small coincidence- My next door neighbor pulled a Paul Bunyon yesterday and cranked up his chainsaw to take down a tree. Naturally this occurred during my only window of opportunity for a nap before heading to work a 12 hour graveyard. Nice. I was cursing all chainsaws everywhere yesterday!

Hope scarface has a speedy recovery.

Sam said...

Oh my gosh! He's very lucky, and I'm glad he was okay!

Sorry about your hike though =[

Amy said...

I'm so glad he's OK! It's a good thing your mom grounds him every now and then....

Debbie Gardner said...

Poor Uncle Ed, Send him condolences to his forhead for me.

Anonymous said...

(Back to October posts- I need my break and you know I love you!)

Your family is a bunch of miracle survivors! God bless...

You are like my Dad. He cannot, for the life of him, take even a blood test without getting teary eyed.

There was a time I was sick, as a teenager. I fainted. Came to consciousness, only to vomit on the floor, in the passage. The ONE thing I remember distinctly is, my Dad SCURRYING to safety, far far away from me.

What do I do with that man??!