Friday, October 30, 2009

Two Things That Made Me Laugh

Thing One

We have a customer named Jose Delgado. Jose is in his 50s and when he talks in English he does so with a heavy accent. Jose is a little bit bowl legged and he wears long sleeve button down shirts, that he tucks in and leaves unbuttoned. Jose was probably a don juan in his younger years.

When he comes into the office he says two things: "Anybody home?" and "Hola Senorita"...but the hola senorita is said with as much of an American accent as he can get.

Yesterday he walked through the door with his usual greeting. "Anybody home?"

I replied with "No."

He said, "Nobody home to help me?"

I replied with "No way..." and then I said, "No way Jose."

And then I cracked up...because AFTER I said 'no way Jose' it clicked in my head that I was talking to Jose...I couldn't stop laughing. And Jose just stood in the door looking at me with a look that said, "This is so not amusing." His look made me laugh harder and I couldn't stop. After a minute or so he said, "Are you finished yet?"

There are times when I'm sure I'm the only one alive who finds certain situations entertaining.

Thing Two

An instant message conversation I had with blueeyesinca yesterday

Have you ever fed fish? You put the fish food in the tank and instantly the fish swarm to the top of the tank. That's kind of how I feel whenever I log into the on-line dating site. My status appears online and I can't change it. It's a race to see if I can get in and get out before anyone tries to instant message me. Yesterday I lost the race and had this ever so pleasant conversation.

Blueeyesinca: Hi gorgeous.

Me: Hello.

Blueeyesinca: Is it cold in Utah today?

Me:'s freezing in Utah today.

Blueeyesinca: Did I tell you I think you're sexy hot?

Me: I guess you just did.

Blueeyesinca: Well you're HOT!

Me: Well thank you.

Blueeyesinca: Are the kids in the pictures yours?

Me: No, they are my siblings' kids.

Blueeyesinca: They are so cute!

Me: I happen to agree.

Blueeyesinca: Your kids will probably be adorable.

Me: If I ever have kids I hope they will be at least as cute as my nieces and nephews.

Blueeyesinca: They will be. I could help you with that you know.

(Me thinking 'What the H?')

Me: What do you do for work?

Blueeyesinca: Do you want kids?

(Me thinking 'Rats...he didn't take the bait. How am I going to get out of this conversation?')

Me: Someday if the opportunity comes along I would love kids. If not, I'm happy being a favorite aunt.

Blueeyesinca: Hello? What am I? Chopped liver?

Me: You are a complete stranger.

Blueeyesinca: I am the opportunity you have been waiting for.

Me: You are a complete stranger who lives in California.

Blueeyesinca: You should let your guard down and throw caution to the wind.

Me: I'll keep that in mind.

Blueeyesinca: I've got to go gorgeous. But can I have your number so we can text?

Me: No. The phone I have is a work phone.

(And it is...that is the honest truth. He doesn't need to know that I text other people with my work phone.)

Blueeyesinca: Well let's talk tomorrow. I think I am starting to really like you.

(Me thinking: I won't be online tomorrow...or ever.)

And then I signed off.

Did I say three months? I think I meant three weeks.

Did you go visit Multiples and More yet? If you just can't get enough of me, read my post there.

(Me thinking: Noelle, they have much better things to do.)


Loralee and the gang... said...

Love this! Even though I haven't been single for a long, long time, I got a real kick out of the blueeyesinca conversation. What nerve that guy has! Run, as fast as you can. Can you block certain people on those sites? I hope so!
And thanks for stopping by my blog. I am following now, too!

Brynn said...

What the...You know you don't have to respond to the guy when he's saying stupid stuff like that. Just log off!

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

You should fight fire with fire....

Tell him about how you had a vision and HE was going to be the father of your 15 children. yes. 15. You won't settle for anything less.

Oh- and you will be a stay at home mother so he'll have to be the sole providor for 17 mouths.

adrienzgirl said...

No way Jose...that's funny!

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! You are a strong woman. I love that you survived that and didn't use ONE foul word, while you were at it.

Viju is learning.