Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What I Wish I Could Say

Dear Grandpa,

I know that you know this...because I'm sure you had a part in making it all happen...but I wanted to tell you that I'm getting married in 3 days. I've looked at the guest list a dozen times and I wish more than anything that your name was at the top of that list. I hope that you'll be there in spirit, but oh how I wish you could be there to hug me and to tell me you love me.

Do you remember when you were the only man in my life? Do you remember that even if I was on a date I called you every night at 10pm? Do you remember how you made me laugh more than anyone else ever did? Do you remember how much I loved you?

I've told my friends a lot about you. I have hoped that by telling our stories I could keep your memory alive. But I don't think I've ever told them one of the stories that means the most to me. One day we were driving to the grocery store and I was kind of quiet. I had had a pretty rotten day and wasn't in the best of moods. When we drove past the check cashing place I expected you to say something about how crazy it was that people could cash their checks early. You opened your mouth, but instead of the routine conversation we usually had you asked me if I was okay. "You don't seem like yourself today and I'm worried. Is there anything I can do?"

I told you that you could buy me an ice cream cone at the store and that would make everything better. And so you did.

That day I loved you more than ever.

Grandpa, you would like Jason. You would tell me that I've made a good choice. He's a good man and he loves me and he will treat me as well as you treated Grandma. In a lot of ways Jason reminds me of you...and considering how much I loved you...that's a good thing. I love him Grandpa. And I'm happy to spend my life with him.

I still miss you Grandpa, and I think about you every single day. I'm so grateful for the years we spent together. I hope that as I move forward in my life, and become a wife and mother, I will make you proud. I hope that I can become the kind of person that you were.

If you're there on Saturday do you think you could whisper "I love you kid" loud enough that I could hear it? If you can't, it's okay. I know that you love me...and that's enough.

It will be a long time before I see you again but I know that you'll be close, watching over us.

I love you Grandpa.


Anonymous said...

Oh sweetheart- i'm sure you're Grandpa is sitting right beside you staring at the same list. Just inscribe his name- and it better be RIGHT AT THE TOP or he's not coming- oh no! DO IT. No kidding. Are you done yet?

I gave you enough time- done? Good. Now smile and take this hug from me.

[If you could get that "virtual" hug, SURE YOU CAN feel Grandpa hugging you to- see?]

Camaree Staheli said...

So touching - my favorite post ever. I hope, more than anything that day, you can feel your grandpa there as well. I have an idea what it would mean to you.

Love you!

RayRay said...

oh i love this so much. so sweet.

p.s. He'll be there.

Baby Sister said...

Aaron was right...that made me ball like a baby. I love you. That was very sweet. I hope he's there as well.

Bend said...

Now that's good stuff.

Tia said...

Wow! That made me cry. I'm sure he'll be there too!

Tiffany said...

Loved that Noelle. I'm crying, but I loved it.
He'll be there. I don't doubt it one bit.

By the way... you're already making him proud :)

Hug from me too!

Tiff said...

I sure do love you! Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. He'll be the first one there, making sure it is all running smoothly. I can guarantee you that!

Kristie said...

You're not supposed to make me cry @ work. I thought we went over that. Am I turning into a Platt?? :)

Mary said...

I have to agree with everyone. I'm sure your grandpa will be there watching. Families do stay together. I hope even more that there will be a quiet time before or after the ceremony that isn't filled with all the emotion and excitement that comes with a wedding so that you will be able to notice/feel him with you.

I'm glad you are so happy and love Jason so much already. It makes marriage that much better.

Baby Sister said...

You're already considered a Platt Kristie! :D

Lani said...

I missed having my grandparents at my wedding too.. this was a really sweet letter. I think your grandpa will be very happy and proud of you on your wedding day:)

Joann Mannix said...

Hi Noelle,

I am crying, crying. What an extraordinary post. So perfectly beautiful. They're watching over us you know. All of them. There are days I can just feel my dad's presence. Your grandpa will be there just a-grinning.

And congratulations. May your married life be full of splendor. And remember to laugh. Coming from a married woman of almost 24 years, married happily, so very happily, we have laughed down this path together and it has done the trick so many times.