Thursday, April 8, 2010

Asking Some Questions

I think there's something you should know about me.

Sometimes I make up stories about people...mostly when I don't know them.

Here's an example:

There's a guy who is at the gym every time I am there. He mostly lifts weights. The other night he got on the bike next to me but was only on it for 5 minutes. Strange.

There's a woman who is a new-comer to the gym scene. (I say that like I'm a regular there...I kind of am.) She has no need for a gym really, and when I saw her in the weight room she spent more time fixing her hair in the mirror than she did actually lifting weights.

One night not too long ago Mr. Macho Weight Lifter and Ms. I'm Too Sexy For This Place, had an filled with flirtation, and giggling, and lots of touching of the elbows. (Because did you know that if you touch someones elbow it shows you're interested in them? That's what I was taught growing up.)

The encounter lasted about 4 minutes and by the time it was finished I had their entire story written in my mind. I'll be honest...the story had a bit of scandal...but I couldn't help it.'s like this...

I might, maybe, once in a while, make up stories in my mind about some of you. NOT bad stories, never bad stories, but stories that fill in the blanks about what I don't know about you. How do you feel about that?

I've thought a lot about how I can get to know you better - about how I can fill in some of these blanks - and I think I've come up with a perfect solution. But it depends on your cooperation. I am going to ask two questions...just two...and I want you to answer one of them. For some of you that might mean commenting when you've never commented before...but by answering one question you will give me all I need with which to fill in the blanks.

Here are the questions:


Be trapped in a cave of hungry vampire bats - OR - put a large jar full of bees into your pants?

And the second:


Go into the biggest job interview of your life with hair so greasy it drips - OR - with a bottom lip 5 times its original size?

I'll just be here...on this end of the Internet...awaiting your replies.


Kim and Company said...

I'm going to choose the bottom lip thing. I'll stay away from anything having to do with animals because they just freak me out. I can't stand being dirty, so the bad hair with grease is out. I think I can tolerate a fat lip.

RayRay said...

Big bottom lip for sure. It's only my dream.

I once kissed a black man with a bottom lip five times as big as mine.

Courtney said...

1. vampire bats (with a family history of bee alergies, I probably have a better rate of survival with the bats! plus, they drink caw not human blood ;) )
2. big bottom lip (if i get asked about it, i'll just say i got hit with a softball during a game..)

Joann Mannix said...

For the first, vampire bats. Because I love bats and I think they would sense my admiration for them and leave me alone.

Second, fat bottom lip. I would tell them I was Angelina Jolie's illegitimate sister.

Baby Sister said...

1 - Can I not choose either one? Bleh...if I had to choose, I guess I'd choose the bees. I hate caves AND there you go.

2 - The big fat lip. I have small lips so it will kind of average them out. :)

Leslie said...

ha ha! You make me laugh so much sometimes!

I can't say that at this point I can choose either the vampire bats or the bees because if I do, the universe will make it happen. I did go to a honey factory once (we have bee keepers in our ward) and it's a creepy feeling hearing the low buzz of bees knowing they could strike at any moment. So in my pants - hmm, no.

As for the second question. I've never had greasy hairs. Seriously - not ever. The one benefit to my curly/afro like hair. But I have been on many a date and job interview with puffy, frizzy hair. Does that count?

Sam said...

Hmm... well, provided that the lid stays on the jar, gimme the bees in my pants! If there's no lid, I'll try my hand at the vampire bats.. I watched both Buffy and Charmed, I think I could handle it. :p

And DEFINITELY the Angelina Jolie bottom lip. I can't stand greasy hair. I wash mine every single day so it doesn't get that way (I'm super jealous of the people who don't have to wash theirs daily!).

I'm the same way with making up stories. I'm super weird though, and with families, I picture what their Christmas card photo might look like. I know, borderline creepy I would say.. I just have a thing about Christmas card photos.. I absolutely love them, and I swear, that's originally why I wanted kids when I was little, haha.

Jessica said...

1. Bees. Bats give me the heebie geebies!
2. Bottom lip. That's something that can be blamed on something other than poor hygiene.

Amy said...

You have to answer too OK?

Bat cave. Because then I could say I was in the batcave. Even though it wasn't really the REAL batcave, I would say it anyway. Bees in your pants has no cool connotation at all.

Also, you should tell us the scandalous stories you make up about it so we know they aren't bad. You should know I make up stories about other people here...

Anonymous said...

I actually had to think before i dropped in my comment today.

The bats and bees made me squirm and think my organs would jump out.

I would go with greasy hair. I actually would. Haha. It'll attempt to tame my frizzy/curly bunch AND in this part of the world, the oil in hair look would make me pass of as an "antique" serious person. If you don't believe me, google India and coconut oil in hair. There you go!

p.s. so i'm kind of curious about the story of me.

Judy said...

I would have to choose the bottom lip. Then I can blame it on being stung by a bee on my way to the interview, though I am terrified of bees and have never been stung by one.

Bossy Betty said...

Bees, please.

Sandra said...

Big bottom lip

Did you know the questions tell as much about the asker as the answer does about the one who answers?

What kind of stories can I tell using that info? ;)

Mary said...

Noelle, I'll answer both questions. Although it makes me curious what stories you are filling in with these answers.
Definitely a cave with bats and a bottom lip 5 times the size. I've already had both lips swell to almost bursting at different times several times already. I'm good with that one. I have pictures to prove it. My husband took pictures of my swollen face after we got home from the double date we were on. Good thing the bowling alley was dark.
Bats would be different and maybe even exciting.

Rach Platt said...

I vote for the bees. I would just hold really, really still and hope for the best.
And I choose the greasy hair. I would be afraid that I wouldn't be able to answer the interview questions with such a fat lip. I'd need an interpreter.
(Reminds me of Bedtime Stories -- where he was stung on his tongue. Ha!)

Anonymous said...

Ok so I would pick the bee's because you never said they were alive, so in my story they are dead, so no big deal dumping them down my pants :> The fat lip is what I would chose then I could make up a really cool story about how it happened. Now what would you choose????? Cassie