Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Post In Which I Tell You My Life Story...Okay, Not Really

Jason wanted me to tell you something.
I remember very clearly that he said, "Make sure that goes in the blog."
What 'that' is however, I remember not so clearly.
I'm sure it was something like 'You're always right dear.'
Whenever he says anything like that he always follows it up with 'the blog.'

I can tell you this about Jason.
He's a good husband.
He makes me smoothies for breakfast.
Granted, the fruit has the distinct taste of freezer burn but that's not the point.
The point is he's a good husband.

These arrived at work yesterday.
With a note that said, "I love you.  I hope your day is going well.  Maybe this will cheer it up.  Love, your husband."
As far as husbands go, I think I got a good one.

And now.
Now I must tell you about a predicament I find myself in.
Last week I got an email telling me of a friend request on Facebook.
A friend request from a girl I haven't seen since high school, but who I haven't spoken to since the 7th grade.
I am friends with a lot of people I haven't seen since high school.
That is not the predicament.

I don't have great memories associated with this girl. 
In fact, some of them are memories I've tried most of my life to ignore. 
One of her family members didn't have my best interest at heart and as a result I was left with some issues to deal with later in life.
I looked at this friend request for a minute and pushed the "Ignore Request" button.

Yesterday I got an email from the same girl.
"You don't remember me?"
That's what she said.
My blog title is Because Nice Matters for a reason. 
I don't always succeed at being nice, but I do try.
Every day.
I thought of everything I wanted to say to this girl.
I typed and erased several replies...none of them very nice.
Finally one side won out over the other and I simply wrote, "Of course I remember you.  How are you?"

She replied almost instantly with an email reminiscing about 'old times' and questions like 'where are you living now and what are you doing with your life?'
I answered her questions with generic answers.
She emailed again.
I haven't responded to that email.
I probably won't.

My predicament is just simply keeping my mouth shut when what I want to do is yell and scream and pull hair and say, "My dad will beat your dad up," like I should have done in the 6th grade.

And well...that's really all I have to say about that.


Kristin @ Yellow Bliss Road said...

Oh yeah, I have received friend requests from people like that too, specifically from a "friend" who had started numerous rumors about me, and had even given me an awful nickname in high school. Teen-agers can be so cruel...I wondered if she even remembered that stuff, though, or if maybe it was her attempt to make amends. Then again, maybe she was still the same nosy b**ch she always was! LOL

Anyway, I say if it just drudges up bad memories ignore her!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I hate that when you ignore a request and they still stock you. Maybe you should just keep ignoring her. Follow after me. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. But then you are nice. bother.

TJ said...

i've had a few of those. i guess i don't think there is anything wrong with telling the truth. i had someone request me again after i ignored them. and then she asked another old friend why i didn't accept her. sigh. just because i knew you once does not mean i have to be facebook friends.

facebook causes all kinds of problems, don't you think? you should try not being nice. sometimes it feels REALLY good. really.

Anonymous said...

I don't like the sound of her. What advice can I give you? Hmm. I love caller id. Hardly anyone from school or college has my email. I'm not on any networking site even. And I stay home all day long. Now, THAT is all of what you shouldn't do.

Write back to her. Say, "In my opinion, you're so yesterday. What's making you not move on? Guilt, might I ask? Well.. you're late and not nice. Go away. (translation = GET O.U.T.)"

Do it. said...

I think you should still send your dad out to go get him (her dad).
I also think you have a great hubby who appreciates you, and rightly so.

Sam said...

Ahh! I hate this kind of thing! I have an ex-friend from high school who, periodically, will contact me on FB. I respond a maximum of 4 times, and then don't respond to the last one. Then a few months later, the cycle repeats itself. I guess it's just one of those things. Eye roll. Sigh. Bleh.

Shan said...

I don't understand people who want to act like they weren't a part of the bad parts of your life.

I have typed many a nasty (unsent) reply myself. The one (and the dozen or so before that) were directed at someone I work with. The situation isn't resolved, but I'm going with the not replying tactic, too. Still a couple months before I go back to work full time so maybe I'll feel differently by then.

Anonymous said...

Bother is right. People change, I guess. There's that. But I agree with the others, just ignore. About the husband, I agree again-you got a good one:-)

Courtney said...

i have the same exact problem. i can't ignore people or be mean to people who deserve me being mean to them (the ex that keeps emailing me to say hello/express concern for my great aunt's death, and offering to call and chat so i can have "someone who knows [me] well to talk to"/etc - who's engaged to the girl he cheated on me with, for example)

why must we be so nice?

Courtney said...

i have the same exact problem. i can't ignore people or be mean to people who deserve me being mean to them (the ex that keeps emailing me to say hello/express concern for my great aunt's death, and offering to call and chat so i can have "someone who knows [me] well to talk to"/etc - who's engaged to the girl he cheated on me with, for example)

why must we be so nice?

jayayceeblog said...

Oh boy, that is a tough one and you are definitely much nicer than I am. I'd have probably said, "Of course I remember you ... which is exactly why I ignored your FaceBook request!" And looking at that incredibly gorgeous vase of flowers sent with such sweetness tells me that you are way ahead of the game in luck and love and you can probably attribute some of this to your niceness!!! Hmmmm, maybe that's why I'm not getting flowers!

Tiff said...

I am glad that you are nice, and don't give in and be mean. It DOESN'T feel good after. It's a hard one. But you're you, which means you will do best for your life. Love you!!!

Elizabeth said...

Just because someone knew you (and treated you badly) in the 7th grade does not grant them the right to be your 'friend' on Facebook in the present, and to get to know all the details of your life.

Facebook is a peeve of mine for this reason. The term 'friends,' implies an interpersonal connection and a fondness for that person. However, Facebook allows you to contact (over great distances) any person you might have ever know and portray whatever that connection may have been as a positive relationship in the present. It is High School in the virtual world -- let's see how many 'friends' we can collect to show how popular we are.

While it may be unpleasant, I think that you should politely say to this girl that she hurt you in the past and left you with some issues to deal with and you'd rather not be friends now.

xo -El

Sierra said...

I got all melty when I read about your husband, because 'awww'.

I've been in this situation, as well. I think you handled it admirably, but there is a line between being nice and having to sacrifice your own happiness at the behest of others, no?

I would agree with all before me and pass on responding again.

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Sometimes there are reasons why "old friends" are old. Don't ever apologize for clicking ignore. Sometimes there are no apologies needed. This might be one.

But then again...there was a certain someone who HATED me in NYC. Hated I say. When the FB request came through I had to pause because she called me Gonzo once (among other things) and it really hurt. But because nice matters...I eventually clicked "accept" and to my surprise, she has obviously learned along the way that nice matters too.

It's a nice surprise that's helped me work through those old Gonzo issues.

Joann Mannix said...

I started to respond to the post after this, but then I read this one and I am all mad as a pig in a poke right now. Do NOT accept that friend request and just keep her at bay. She'll get the picture. I have some folks in my past who were terrible, awful people and yes, some of them have tried to pursue Facebook friendships and I know they must remember how they were or how those associated with them treated me. I have moved on, but that doesn't mean I need them back in my life.

Stay away. Or give me her email. I'll take care of her. I might be a little wimp of a thing in real life, but on paper, I'm like a brawny, sumo wrestler. I'll make sure no one will mess with my sweet Noelle.

Anonymous said...

p.s. HOW did I FORGET to mention that the flowers are sooo very very verrry pretty? Jason, I like. You got the perfect guy you deserve, Noelle! :)

Jami said...

Gotta love a man who sends flowers!