Monday, April 30, 2012

Just To Remind You...

My husband is pretty darn handsome!

And my daughter is adorable.

That's all.
Go about your business.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

A Bathroom Makeover

When Jason goes out of town for two weeks at a time I get bored...
...And not having anyone to talk to at night,  I look for things to do.

We have three bathrooms:
His, mine, and ours.

But after two weeks of Jason being gone things have changed.
Our bathrooms are now mine, ours, and Emily's.

Because what nearly 9 month old doesn't need her own bathroom?

Here are the before and after pictures:

And now it looks like this:
(forgive the lighting)

The canvas picture of Emily is probably my favorite thing ever.

Dear Jason, pink is the new masculine.
(I laugh every time I remember saying that Emily would not 'do pink')

And just for something new, I'm linking up with my friend Kristin who features DIY projects every Sunday.

If you tell me that Elimy is spoiled, I'll probably agree.
Three open heart surgeries = entitled to a little bit of spoiling.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Reason To Smile

Jason is coming home a day early.
By the time some of you read this, he will be home.

contented sigh

And that little lady of ours?
She sat unassisted for almost five minutes tonight.

My little Trouble brought Em and I a special delivery:

Even in the midst of hard my life is blessed.

Have a great weekend friends!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I Might Die

I'm probably going to have to get my leg amputated...that's how bad it hurts.
Do you think falling as hard as I did could have caused a secret blood clot?

* * * * *

Once upon a time, before the little miss came along,  I was a work out five days a week kind of girl.

And now this more accurately defines my life:

Just thought I'd share...

And seriously...I'm probably not going to sleep all night for fear of this secret blood clot leaving Emily an orphan.

Have I mentioned that Jason owes me?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

This Little Girl

...she couldn't get any cuter.

At 1:53 AM This Is What I Have To Say

I told myself that I was going to crawl into bed just as soon as my little lady went down for the night.
I've been running on empty for more days than I can count, and Em's 9pm bedtime seemed so inviting.
It didn't happen.
Instead I held my baby girl for nearly an hour after she fell asleep.
I'm lonely, and holding Emily lessened the loneliness.

Jason went from a business trip in Colorado to a backpacking trip in south eastern Utah, and for the last 8 days of his two weeks away from home he doesn't have phone service.

After I put the little lady to bed I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep and so I spent the rest of the evening, and now into the early morning hours, working on a project.
I haven't quite finished but when I do I'll show you pictures.

I'm sleeping with my bedroom window open tonight because there is nothing I love more than to hear the birds chirping as the sun rises.
And tomorrow I'm going to sneak into the yard of a vacant home and cut some lilac blooms...because I love those too.

Lilacs and birds...spring is here.  I've needed spring to be here for a long time.

Saturday, April 21, 2012


I fell yesterday.
And I hurt myself pretty badly.
The details aren't that exciting.  I was an idiot and tripped over the tongue of a trailer that I knew was there.
But I was tired, and in a hurry, and it was 2pm and I hadn't had anything to eat yet for the day.

My shins caught on the trailer and I had enough forward momentum that I fell over the trailer and landed on the other side.
On the asphalt.
On my legs.

They are swollen and bruised and to stand on them for a long period of time, and to walk makes me wince and say ouch over and over again.

Tonight my legs are throbbing and I can't sleep, and Jason is still gone.

Poor me.


A few hours after posting this I had to get up to get Emily some formula.
It was dark and I was mostly asleep.
My foot got caught on the handle of a bag. I kept walking but my toes didn't,  and while I don't think my toes are broken, they are most likely sprained.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

4 - That's How Many Days Jason Has Been Gone... 10 Is How Many Before He Will Be Home

Do you all remember my niece Trouble?
The one who gave Emily the nickname of Elimy.
I will show you two pictures to refresh your memory: one I took and one Trouble took as a self-portrait.

Trouble walks around my family's business like she owns the place.
I wish you could see it.
We have an empty desk in our office, with a telephone and a computer sitting on it.
Trouble calls it her office, and she spends hours sitting at the desk working on her 'papers'.
And when the phone rings she turns to Travis, my cousin, and says "Travis, answer the phone."
She's a bossy little lady.

We hired a new employee not too long ago and she was sitting at Trouble's desk doing legitimate paperwork when Trouble came running into the office...full steam ahead.
She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at the new employee.
Trouble then came into my office, shut the door, put her hands on her hips and said, "Who is that girl sitting at my desk?"
I laughed and told Trouble that we had a new employee.
"But she's sitting at my desk!"

Trouble never really got over that.
Every time I see her she asks, "Is that new girl still using my desk?"

Today got a little bit crazy at work and I needed to be outside.
I couldn't take Emily out with me because of the cold rainy day it was, and I didn't know what to do.
I called up to our retail store and asked the cashier, "Do you see Sami running around?" 


Sami came to the phone and I asked, "Sami, do you want to come and play with Elimy for a few minutes?"  
She yelled 'sure' and three minutes later she burst through the door and immediately sat down next to Em.

I left the two of them playing and ran outside.

When I came back in a few minutes later Trouble was in Em's face saying "Who's your favorite cousin?  I am!  Who's your favorite cousin?  I am!" 

Trouble stayed until it was time for Emily's nap and as she was leaving I handed her a dollar and thanked her for babysitting.

I told her that any time she helped me I would pay her a dollar.
Her eyes got big and she said, "My piggy bank is going to get so full!"

I don't know if anyone else is crazy enough to leave their baby in the care of a 4 year old...
...desperate times people, desperate times.

(And for the record, there were adults in the office, just not in my office...lest you worry that I'm completely negligent.)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Beautiful Heartbreak

I can't watch the birth of a baby...even if it's just on TV...without welling up with tears.
I can't see a pregnant woman without feeling a twinge of envy for the innocence that comes when a baby is healthy.
I can't watch a baby eating without feeling a little bit of sadness.
I can't walk through the doors of the hospital without being slammed with emotions that I don't know how to deal with.

I have a minor panic attack at the thought of ever going through another pregnancy.

My heart hurts every time I hear someone say something that implies that my baby isn't normal.

In a world where I am surrounded by friends and family I have never felt more lonely.

I still cry every day of my life, and I wonder when that will stop.

There are a lot of other things that I struggle with too...things that are too personal to talk about openly...


My little Emily fills my heart...and when I'm holding her close I know that I would do it all again for her.

If my life has a theme song...this is it:

Monday, April 16, 2012

There Is A Reason We Eat Out

A green salad was my assignment for our Easter Sunday dinner.
I tracked down the sister in charge of dessert and asked if I could switch with her.
She agreed after I told her that I was going to make cupcakes like Mom always made at Easter.

I Googled butter cream frosting and found a recipe that had 5 stars and 27 positive reviews.
The recipe called for 2 sticks of butter and 3/4 cup of powdered sugar.
I didn't have butter and used margarine instead.

That was only my first mistake.

When I realized that margarine was not going to cut it I called my sister.
She didn't have butter...and that meant a quick trip to the grocery store...the grocery store that almost requires you speak Spanish on the weekends.  Monday - Friday you go and think you're in the United States but on the weekend it's a different story.
Lucky for me I speak Spanish.

After waiting in line for what seemed like forever, I took my butter home and tried again.

2 sticks of butter, 3/4 cup powdered sugar, vanilla, and milk ...

That's what the recipe called for.  I double and triple checked it.  And it had 27 positive reviews.

The frosting was basically a blob of butter and I couldn't use it.  Just like that the second batch of icing went down the sink.

On my third attempt I used a different recipe.  This one called for 1/2 cube of butter and 3 cups of powdered sugar...and as you can imagine it tasted purely of powdered sugar.

In my mind I heard my mom saying 'use more salt'.  That was her cure for everything.
I tried more salt, more vanilla, more milk...nothing worked.
It tasted like powdered sugar.
I added cherry flavoring...I used more salt...
I was at my wits end.

Jason called his mom and asked 'how do you make frosting?'
She suggested we add cool whip, and so we did.
But then Jason just kept adding it, and by the time it tasted good it was too runny and wouldn't stay on the cupcakes.

I'll admit that I was beyond grouchy at this point.
I had a fine layer of powdered sugar on every surface in my kitchen, and had been working on making this frosting for far longer than I had planned, and as a result I lost my only opportunity for a nap.

I called my mom and asked, "Mom, HOW THE HECK (because I can't say the other word in front of my mom) do you make frosting?"

She gave me the name of another recipe to Google and after laughing at my predicament wished me luck.

I looked up the recipe and started on another batch of frosting.
At the point I realized I was out of powdered sugar,  I thought about throwing my mixer across the kitchen.

My sister did have powdered sugar and not only did she let me borrow it, she brought it to me.

Jason declared that the frosting tasted good but I wouldn't know.  I swore I would never taste frosting again.

You would think after such an event my family would take pity on me.
They didn't.
Yesterday I was in charge of Sunday dinner.
We had tacos...because how hard can it be to mess tacos up?
Not hard, unless you're me.  When all was said and done I didn't have enough meat and my mom had to come to my rescue...again.

Anyone who has a good frosting recipe?

Would you kindly send it my way?

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

And Now It's Back To Work

We came back...a little bit begrudgingly.

Our journey took us to the same place we went on our honeymoon: Zion National Park.
It was beautiful ... like it always is ... and our little miss was such a sweet travel companion.

There were a few differences on this trip:

Instead of this

we had this

and instead of climbing this crazy...insane...what were we thinking kind of trail

to get to here

we brought the little miss along and took a nice leisurely walk along a one mile trail.

And rather than tempt fate

we held this sweetheart close and enjoyed being together.

Our life is blessed.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

All My Bags (Aren't) Packed

One of these days I will tell you about how ridiculous this day was.
There is not a way it could have been more ridiculous.

But for now I'm just going to say adios.
For a day or two.
Jason is going out of town...again...but this time the little miss and I are going with him.

We're headed to warmer weather, and somewhere other than home, the hospital, or my office.

It's been almost a year and a half since I traveled anywhere farther than the hospital and I need a break.
I'm shutting the door on laundry, a stack of invoicing a mile high, and a little bit of drama.

If I can look past all that I have to remember to pack, and two deadlines I have to finish tonight for work,  I can almost see relaxation.

Before I show you pictures of our little Easter beauty, let me tell you what she did last night.
In what is only the second time in Emily's life, we took her to the store with us.
Jason pushed the grocery cart and I pushed Emily in her stroller.
Em can only tolerate her stroller for so long before she has to see the world, and so I ended up carrying her in one arm, and pushing the stroller with the other.

I told you she waves to anyone who says hello?
Last night she waved the entire time she was in my arms...with both of her hands.
She smiled and talked and waved at the world.
Jason said, "It's like she's in her own little parade."
This little girl of ours...
We kind of like her.

I'll be back...and I'll be relaxed.
I hope.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Because It's Easter

Late last night I sat on the couch in the dark, staring up at the moon that shone through my second story window.
Jason is out of town, and Emily had long drifted off to sleep.
I had finished a movie, and then had scrolled through my pictures, looking for a particular one.
I found one of Emily, after the second time they had opened her chest, and the pain that hit me as I looked at the picture was unreal.
I couldn't stop the tears for anything, and after a few minutes I didn't try.
I was that way for a long time...watching the moon and wiping away the tears.

* * * * *

Not too long ago I became reacquainted with a friend from high school.
We haven't seen each other since high school, and thanks to the wonder of Facebook we reconnected.
We both believe in God, but we belong to different churches.
Not too long ago she posted something to Facebook that was derogatory to those of my faith.
In truth, I wasn't upset by the content of the comment as much as I was by the fact that she posted it, knowing that it would undoubtedly open a dialogue that others would use as an opportunity to slander something that I and so many of her other friends hold sacred.

In an email I sent to her, I told her why her actions had disappointed me.
That email opened a conversation between the two of us that lasted several days.
My friend tried in every way she knew how, and with every accusation she could find against my church, to convince me of the error of my ways.
And even after I told her that I would no longer have a conversation with her that spoke of anything religious, she emailed me again, with another list of reasons why she believes I'm being deceived.

At the core of everything, this girl is worried for my soul.
She won't accept me as a Christian because I believe differently than she does, and nothing will convince her otherwise.
She doesn't trust that I believe in Jesus Christ.

* * * * *

I thought of this girl...who claims to be my friend...last night as I sat in the dark.
And I thought of my husband, who is saddened by the fact that I carry such a heavy burden in my heart.
The words of an earlier conversation between Jason and myself played over and over again in my mind.
"Noelle, the only person who truly understands...and the only one who can shoulder the burden for you is your Savior.  You need to give it to Him, all of it, and allow him to heal your heart."

* * * * *

Easter, and all that it represents, holds more meaning to me than it has in years past.
Jesus Christ's sacrifice is more personal to me now... now that I know something of pain and sorrow ...

And in case there was any doubt, I believe and trust in Him with all of my heart, as broken as it feels, and I know that He has the power to make my heart whole again.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

It's Been 8 Months

Dear Baby Girl,
Today makes 8 months you've been on this earth.
The journey you've had is more than some people go through their whole lives.
You are the strongest and bravest person I will ever know.

I love you and I'm so grateful that you chose me to be your mommy.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A Guest Blogger

Hi World!

I just wanted to sneak in and say hi while Mommy is busy working.
Mommy says she has a lot to do and would I please not throw up while we're at work.
Mommy is funny. 

I like coming to work with Mommy.
Just today my cousin Sami (Mommy calls her Trouble but I don't know why) showed me some baby bunnies that Grandpa has in his store.
Mommy wouldn't let me play with them, but they sure were cute!

It seems someone always comes to visit me at work and I get to meet a lot of people who Mommy says are my friends.
Today I met a special friend named Helen.
She told me I could call her Nana Helen, and she told me she loves me.
Helen sends me a card in the mail for every holiday, and she says I'm always in her prayers.
It makes me feel good to know that people are still praying for me.

Mommy took me to my doctor today, just to make sure that my lungs are still okay.
The doctor was happy and told Mommy that she didn't need to worry as much anymore.
I still have a rattle in my chest but I heard the doctor say that may stick around for a little while.

World, can I ask you a question?
What's a mowhawk?
I heard Mommy tell my Aunt Heather that I am going to have a mowhawk because of this silly helmet I always have to wear.
Is that a bad thing?

I'm sleepy now World, and I think I'm going to take a nap so that Mommy can really get some work done.

Have a great afternoon!

Love, Elimy

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Changed My Hair To Blonde

Sometimes when I'm really lucky I get to be in the same room with Jason when he's watching 
The Simpsons.
(I hate The Simpsons.)

I don't hate my bathing beauty though.

She's still not feeling 100%, but she's not in the hospital so we'll take it!

Jason is leaving again in a few days.
I think it's only fair that between now and when he leaves, he should be on throw up duty.
The End.

...oh, did you want to see my blonde hair?
Well, one of these days perhaps I'll comb it and then maybe I'll take a picture.


Our house almost burned down just now.
Or at least it smelled like it.
I asked Jason if he could smell something burning and he said no.
I told him to smell again and then he could smell it too.
We got up and checked everything.
I told Jason there was a haze in our house but he didn't see it.
All of a sudden it clicked.
I opened the dishwasher and a cloud of steam and smoke came out.
I guess the lid to the sippy cup wasn't as secure on the top shelf as I thought.
It melted onto the heating element and man alive does our house smell.
(You know, because I have the hope that one day our little lady will use a sippy cup.)


Would you like to know what made me laugh more than anything else today?
The subject of the first boy to break my heart came up at dinner.
Jason said something like, "You snooze you lose...or maybe it's you snoozed you losed."
(He was referring to the fact that it was the boy's loss.  He loves me, that husband of mine.)
I thought about it and then said, "You snost, you lost."
I laughed all night about that one.
Yes, perhaps it's pathetic to laugh at my own joke.
Such is my life.